Travis Wolfe Contemplates Existence.
What are we? you, me, our family, friends, human being in general? You've probably heard me say it before... we are just a bunch of cells, slowly decaying organic matter. We are intelligent mammalian primates. Yes... mere animals. Further more... we are just a brain in a body. The person you are... its nothing more than chemical reactions in your brain, rapidly firing neurons. What are emotions? what is love, hate, compassion, sadness? all emotions? emotions are just instincts that we are capable of being aware of, Unlike less smarter animals with less developed brains who don't have the intellectual compacity to be self aware of instincts.
So with that being said, what makes humans so special? why are we more important than all other living things? simply because we are smarter? because we are aware of our instincts? Does being aware of our instincts stop us from being ruled by them? If you say yes then sadly you are mistaken. Every human being is ruled by emotions whether you realize it or not. Do you know why that is? because everything a human does is out of selfishness. There is absolutely no unselfish act. You may say "What about charity?" but why do we give to charity? well because we want to help, but why do we want to help? because it makes us feel good. Empathy is an instinct that humans have, one that has helped us be such a successful animal. We do charity because it FEELS GOOD. This in and of itself is being selfish, you are doing it in your own self interest. Why do we help people? because it feels good. We only do it for the selfish reason of an emotional benefit.
Are there any other examples that can be given of an "unselfish act"? What about dying for someone? Self sacrifice? sacrificing yourself to help somebody else? Sadly this is not "unselfish" either. You are sacrificing yourself because it feels RIGHT to YOU, you are doing it for the love of something or someone, and this gives you a sense of duty, honor, dignity, love. Those things feel good, you want to feel those things, so therefore you are acting out of selfishness.
So now that we have established the fact that every single one of us is thinking out of our own self interest I want to take a look at morals. What we consider to be "good" and "evil", "Right" and "Wrong". It all starts with a simple question. Is killing bad? most people would automatically answer yes without thinking. Why? because thats what our instincts of empathy and our culture tells us. However I want everyone to truly think about this. The country we are living in now, the "land of the free", how was this country founded? It was built on the foundation of murder, slavery, rape, and to put it quite simply... genocide of an entire continent of people. What are we doing supposedly doing in two middle eastern countries right now? "killing terrorists". That is the reasoning behind it, killing them before they kill us. Is it still not killing though? What about your dinner? Does it bother you that hundreds and millions of animals around the globe are put in conditions short of torture, and then slaughtered so you can stuff your face? Why is killing humans any worse than killing a cow? given that we already established humans as animals.
Now don't get me wrong... I'm not vegetarian, and I'm no enemy of war, however I think its important we ask ourselves if killing is acceptable. Either killing is ok or it isnt... there is no middle ground. You may say "killing out of protection" is ok but by doing that you are saying that killing out of selfishness is alright too... because thats exactly what "killing out of protection" is. So now that we have established this, we can go on to say that killing out of selfishness is alright.
So are we good, or are we evil? and what is good and evil? good in our culture is evil in other cultures and visa versa. Good and evil are completely and totally irrelevent outside of humanity. Surely you must be thinking "Well, love is good"... but is it? Why do people kill? For the love of money, for the love of country, for the love of a god, for the love of their family, for the love of themselves, for the love of revenge, for the love of the thrill. Do we see a common element here? Yes... "love".
Fact is love is an emotion that starts off all other negative emotions and "evil" deeds. Does it cause happiness? sure it does... but the happier you get the more crushing the following sadness will be.
So, we... all of us... floating around on a spec of dust in a probably infinite universe... whats the meaning? whats the point of waking up in the morning? of going on? of life? the blunt truth is that there is none. People cannot accept this though so they invent their own. This is why religions are made and believed in. The reality of existence is far too cold and brutal of a thing for the majority of people to bare. So what gets me through the day? what gives Travis Wolfe reason to wake up in the morning? It used to be love. What is it now? love. However love of a different kind. Love of power and success. I have to do what most people simply cannot... accept existence for what it is and make the most out of it, crushing anything that gets in my way.
Now you have a glimpse of what goes on in my head on a daily basis... its not too pretty of a place, is it? Oddly enough... I'm happy in it. Happy in a sorta twisted way.
High school for me now seems kinda pointless. I can't even focus on school work anymore. Don't get me wrong... I will get my diploma but it'll probably be a few months sooner than the rest of you. I'm quite close to getting one with EducationDirect, a diploma equal to that of clio high school. Then things are going to have to change academic wise. In college I'll be taking classes I'm actually interested in, not only interested but have a passion for. Sure I'll have to take a few required classes but with enough focus I'm pretty sure I'll get through it.
Well... I'm quite confident that none of you have read this far, and if you have then I'm doubting you are still sane. Hopefully this ranting will allow me to clear my head enough so that I may fall asleep.