Radiation.
I went through it the past two days. Something I have not felt in a long time.
Where my body temp goes high. My hands and limbs burn warm. I am hot blooded, so to speak.
It drains me, but in the oddest of ways. I cannot feel, anything.
I'm depressed, I know this now, but I am emotionally drained.
I should be compelled to avoid these terrorfying dreams.
I do not.
I can feel it inside of me.
Stronger than ever. hungry.
I want to do it so badly.
I could take some pain killers and make it go away..
I'm not going to.
I want to. I want to so badly.
My teeth sharp as ever.
My body lean.
I'm so ready.
I replaced it with sex when I was 17.
Sex is no comparison.
I want it more than ever.
My heart has a massive sieve in it.
I deserve the punishment coming my way.
I deserve failure.
horrific monstrous pain.
A dream I have. trapped and pulled under water.
My lungs fill with water like before.
I am dying.
Then I am alive.
Because people like me, we don't die so easily.
Nothing stops us, so to speak.
I traded my halo in for horns a long time ago.
I wish I could shed this good person inside of me.
That deep fucking hope.
it compels.
some people think, hmm spiritual?
It's not. It's my training kicking in.
There is nothing religious.
Because I don't believe. I only observe results.
Populism is for macro, and i'm a micro boy.
I am one of the many standard deviations of life.
misunderstood. Miss construed.
If you think about it. I'm a good person by our standards.
I care, too fucking much.
So much I cannot bear the weight of it.
and as I laugh. it is the old laugh...
as I think it is the old thoughts.
so familiar and friendly they are.
they love me.
why didn't you?
Where my body temp goes high. My hands and limbs burn warm. I am hot blooded, so to speak.
It drains me, but in the oddest of ways. I cannot feel, anything.
I'm depressed, I know this now, but I am emotionally drained.
I should be compelled to avoid these terrorfying dreams.
I do not.
I can feel it inside of me.
Stronger than ever. hungry.
I want to do it so badly.
I could take some pain killers and make it go away..
I'm not going to.
I want to. I want to so badly.
My teeth sharp as ever.
My body lean.
I'm so ready.
I replaced it with sex when I was 17.
Sex is no comparison.
I want it more than ever.
My heart has a massive sieve in it.
I deserve the punishment coming my way.
I deserve failure.
horrific monstrous pain.
A dream I have. trapped and pulled under water.
My lungs fill with water like before.
I am dying.
Then I am alive.
Because people like me, we don't die so easily.
Nothing stops us, so to speak.
I traded my halo in for horns a long time ago.
I wish I could shed this good person inside of me.
That deep fucking hope.
it compels.
some people think, hmm spiritual?
It's not. It's my training kicking in.
There is nothing religious.
Because I don't believe. I only observe results.
Populism is for macro, and i'm a micro boy.
I am one of the many standard deviations of life.
misunderstood. Miss construed.
If you think about it. I'm a good person by our standards.
I care, too fucking much.
So much I cannot bear the weight of it.
and as I laugh. it is the old laugh...
as I think it is the old thoughts.
so familiar and friendly they are.
they love me.
why didn't you?