i still feel like talking.
but I have no one to really talk to I guess. Then again most of the time there is no one for me to speak to, because I have failed to have someone like that in my life.
What a miserable commodity. I am. That. Mass reproduced item for your attention. More bullshit I can type that really fails to convey a message to anyone.
How do I feel?
I feel fucking lonely.
My dating life has snuffed out to recent friends who have boyfriends reliving their false hopes that one day they might hook up with me.
I currently play wow and those people are more and more becoming my friend. Becuse, I fucking rock. apparently. I'm the best god damn player to ever exist. Christ I can button mash and understand complex game designs. Then I can take advice from people and really work things out. Holy, fucking, shit! Right place right time and a good support structure. Look at me, i'm a golden boy.
I have not drank in 14 days. I have a fucking beard. I fucking. hate. the . world .I am. surrounded by. because. it fails. to meet my expectations over. and .over .and .over again. and i'm typing blind holy shit! why don't i like anything? Why don't I like anyone? Why am I really not attracted to people in general? why does this world make less sense and people believe in the lesser sense all the time. Sure it's scary to think, i'm going to die and then be nothing, but the suggestion to the other wise is missing.
I lack a community. I lack a mate in that community that has social value. I lack an identity in that community that my status matters to. I lack a home. I lack friends with common ideologies. I lack people who are remotely similar to me. I lack the ability to further grow as an individual. I am alone. I seem wierd because I am alone. It makes me sad to be alone. I am not sad, then have became alone. I was once happy and alone, but now I feel the need for others. Then my expectations are foiled. down we go.
What a miserable commodity. I am. That. Mass reproduced item for your attention. More bullshit I can type that really fails to convey a message to anyone.
How do I feel?
I feel fucking lonely.
My dating life has snuffed out to recent friends who have boyfriends reliving their false hopes that one day they might hook up with me.
I currently play wow and those people are more and more becoming my friend. Becuse, I fucking rock. apparently. I'm the best god damn player to ever exist. Christ I can button mash and understand complex game designs. Then I can take advice from people and really work things out. Holy, fucking, shit! Right place right time and a good support structure. Look at me, i'm a golden boy.
I have not drank in 14 days. I have a fucking beard. I fucking. hate. the . world .I am. surrounded by. because. it fails. to meet my expectations over. and .over .and .over again. and i'm typing blind holy shit! why don't i like anything? Why don't I like anyone? Why am I really not attracted to people in general? why does this world make less sense and people believe in the lesser sense all the time. Sure it's scary to think, i'm going to die and then be nothing, but the suggestion to the other wise is missing.
I lack a community. I lack a mate in that community that has social value. I lack an identity in that community that my status matters to. I lack a home. I lack friends with common ideologies. I lack people who are remotely similar to me. I lack the ability to further grow as an individual. I am alone. I seem wierd because I am alone. It makes me sad to be alone. I am not sad, then have became alone. I was once happy and alone, but now I feel the need for others. Then my expectations are foiled. down we go.