A SWORD WITHOUT A SHEATH
Yesterday's frustration is still haunting me. I'm just sad because my mom even wanted to apply for a leave just because I'm going back to Shah Alam. I've imagined a whole week of fun at home with my dear family. Now everything's shattered thanks to the inconsiderate lecturer. pffth~
Last night, right before I slept, my senior named Ihsan gave me an sms saying "cintailah cinta". That somehow struck my senses. Not because of the reason why he gave it to me, THAT i know perfectly well. Possibly because he's still disappointed of Mira's silent treatment. I was struck because I just realized that I might not find the real cinta. How could I cintai cinta then?
That sounds satisfying, but I just can't agree to it. I'm not quite sure whether is it really the cinta that I should search for. Is it just the best choice so far? One should love fullheartedly. One shouldn't be having choices to choose from. That's probably why I haven't find cinta. I've been loving the person with every beat of my heart, SO much to this point that I don't cintai cinta. I just love that person and not the love itself. That's why it has been so painful lately. I'm too busy loving the person that I've forgotten how to love LOVE.
There's possibility that the person has also forgotten how to cintai cinta. then forgot how to be nice and that is somehow making me forget how nice it was when we were head over heels with each other. Or am I the one who has forgotten how to be lovable? When have I become this much of a bore? Why can't I interest that person as much as I could back then? How long should I endure the pain of faking a smile just to be with that particular person? Will it be worth it in the end? Is that person even trying as much as I am? Those endless questions keep me awake everynight but I'm still searching for answers.
I just wish that I could find out how to make the clock ticking once more. *prays*
"Tearing it apart is always easier than making it and compared to letting it fall apart, trying to hold it together is so much more difficult"
Last night, right before I slept, my senior named Ihsan gave me an sms saying "cintailah cinta". That somehow struck my senses. Not because of the reason why he gave it to me, THAT i know perfectly well. Possibly because he's still disappointed of Mira's silent treatment. I was struck because I just realized that I might not find the real cinta. How could I cintai cinta then?
That sounds satisfying, but I just can't agree to it. I'm not quite sure whether is it really the cinta that I should search for. Is it just the best choice so far? One should love fullheartedly. One shouldn't be having choices to choose from. That's probably why I haven't find cinta. I've been loving the person with every beat of my heart, SO much to this point that I don't cintai cinta. I just love that person and not the love itself. That's why it has been so painful lately. I'm too busy loving the person that I've forgotten how to love LOVE.
There's possibility that the person has also forgotten how to cintai cinta. then forgot how to be nice and that is somehow making me forget how nice it was when we were head over heels with each other. Or am I the one who has forgotten how to be lovable? When have I become this much of a bore? Why can't I interest that person as much as I could back then? How long should I endure the pain of faking a smile just to be with that particular person? Will it be worth it in the end? Is that person even trying as much as I am? Those endless questions keep me awake everynight but I'm still searching for answers.
I just wish that I could find out how to make the clock ticking once more. *prays*
"Tearing it apart is always easier than making it and compared to letting it fall apart, trying to hold it together is so much more difficult"