this doesn't make sense; it's not supposed to
god damn you stupid boys. must you come in out of the middle of nowhere and interefere with my priorities? i thought i had everything straight and i would focus on me. i like talking to you and i hope you like this too - as friends. the future is undecided. each little hint makes me feel uneasy because i feel like i'm leading you on. when we first talked, i was intrigued. but as days pass by and there are more stuff in common, i start to feel uneasy. the beginning all reminds me too much of you know how. ironic thing is one of you IS named with the same first name. what the fuck is wrong with fate. you know, you're a different person than when i see you around school and why is it that, i do not know. but furthermore, it's not just one of you, it's two. maybe even three but the last one does not count. i just want him to stop skipping class and to stop coming into junior lunch and to stop coming into my table of friends. you know you don't even know them. how can you tell someone: what the fuck; go find someone else. what the fuck is with people. i do not ask for your attention(s) to occur simultaneously. do not ask your guidance counselor if you can switch classes so you can coincidently be in mine. what the fuck. i don't know if i even have feelings for anyone. lust and love are lost causes with me. i do not ever want to completely pour my heart out to anyone only to find it crushed. not that it had happened, but i hear this every so often, that it makes me cautious of falling into the traps of teenage lust. so hopefully the feeling is mutual - you just want to be friends and so do i. but once again, the feeling is undecided. i am a person who keeps high standards. i do not play that *giggle* oh you like me? okay i like you, let's go out and then break up next week kind of game. if you had a choice between two tall ones, one being ridicoulously smart but one ridicoulously more clueless, who would you choose. how about if one is someone you feel really uncomfortable to be around with but another one who you can say anything to and not feel afraid about saying it. what about one who is so in tune with YOU, that it scares and intimidates you...while the other one is not. what if the only similarities are that they are of the same age, which is one year older than you, and of the same grade, which is one grade level higher. what if the similarities also included that they are tall. what if the similarities are that ....
but what, wait. it doesn't matter.
WHAT IF YOU JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
what is with this? i just realized that valentine's day is on friday. did cupid's arrow hit two maybe even three people at the most unexpected week? what is this - to make up two three years or something? that makes me uneasy. i feel like a whore whenever i talk to two of them (online) simultaneously. so i will say this: what the fuck.
don't worry. in a few hours/days, i won't be paranoid. but right now i am just because i don't know what the fuck is wrong with these boys. oh damn it. who knows. i hope i am making a big deal out of nothing.
but what, wait. it doesn't matter.
WHAT IF YOU JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
what is with this? i just realized that valentine's day is on friday. did cupid's arrow hit two maybe even three people at the most unexpected week? what is this - to make up two three years or something? that makes me uneasy. i feel like a whore whenever i talk to two of them (online) simultaneously. so i will say this: what the fuck.
don't worry. in a few hours/days, i won't be paranoid. but right now i am just because i don't know what the fuck is wrong with these boys. oh damn it. who knows. i hope i am making a big deal out of nothing.