Expectations. I can't be this strong.
You know something that really disheartens me?
Well if you don't, here's one: Expectations.
Yesterday I was talking to a co-worker of mine and she asked me something that I wonder all the time. She asked me why I try so hard to be perfect.
My reponse: Just because it's the way that I am.
Although thats not the least of it. For some reason I've never been able to earn respect of those people around me. When I happen too, it always seems to be one of those extremely fragile understandings. One mis-step, even one, fucks up what little I had strived so hard for.
You know what?
It's really starting to wear on me
My life has always been centered around, planned around, structured around and decided upon by the others in my life. Now keep in mind that most of these people didn't have my best intrest in mind. Or atleast, they said so.
Now I'm out and about on my own, and I'm so incredibly alone. Those people that said they'd be there for me. Those that said they cared. Those that I cared for. Guess what? They're not there.
I am honestly getting so tired of being the only one who cares about my life. This is how it seems. I wonder if I push everyone away. I would imagine to some extent, I do. I don't push away everyone though. Do I?
Tell me something wonderful about myself, please. Right now, my ego's absolutely shot. Self-esteem included. My manager told me today that I looked like I was about to cry. I told her I was fine. [Work stays at work, and home stays home.]
I'm not fine. On the inside, I am an absolute mess. On the outside; I've gotten really good at pretending.
In the end, I have to face reality. But what is reality? Where does it begin? Where does it end?
Well if you don't, here's one: Expectations.
Yesterday I was talking to a co-worker of mine and she asked me something that I wonder all the time. She asked me why I try so hard to be perfect.
My reponse: Just because it's the way that I am.
Although thats not the least of it. For some reason I've never been able to earn respect of those people around me. When I happen too, it always seems to be one of those extremely fragile understandings. One mis-step, even one, fucks up what little I had strived so hard for.
You know what?
It's really starting to wear on me
My life has always been centered around, planned around, structured around and decided upon by the others in my life. Now keep in mind that most of these people didn't have my best intrest in mind. Or atleast, they said so.
Now I'm out and about on my own, and I'm so incredibly alone. Those people that said they'd be there for me. Those that said they cared. Those that I cared for. Guess what? They're not there.
I am honestly getting so tired of being the only one who cares about my life. This is how it seems. I wonder if I push everyone away. I would imagine to some extent, I do. I don't push away everyone though. Do I?
Tell me something wonderful about myself, please. Right now, my ego's absolutely shot. Self-esteem included. My manager told me today that I looked like I was about to cry. I told her I was fine. [Work stays at work, and home stays home.]
I'm not fine. On the inside, I am an absolute mess. On the outside; I've gotten really good at pretending.
In the end, I have to face reality. But what is reality? Where does it begin? Where does it end?