The Shape of Things
This is an incredible movie. It shows that in pursuit of art, some have no morals. It also brings to light past memories that I have experienced. The were not that great, and I guess that I'll explain them here, because I'm feeling shitty about it, and I have become rather public about my emotions and the happenings in my past. The basics of the movie is this: a student in college meets a graduate art student working on their thesis. The time frame for this is 18 months. The student, he name is Adam in the move, is a nerd, fat, ugly, immature, and undeveloped. He meets an art student, working on her graduate. And all the above changes. He eats healthy, he looses weight, takes better care of himself. He gets a nose job to fix some crazy bump on his nose. His confidence rises. He basically, by the terms of society, becomes a much better person. Along with that confidence, with the added 'cuteness' also comes ego. he feels better about himself, overall, and near the end of the movie, asks the art student to marry him. The major twist in the move comes near the end, when the art student displays her exhibition. She proceeds to tell everyone in the studio about her thesis. She describes it as a 'human sculpture. She pulls a red satin sheet to real Adam’s face. She then proceeds to tell the audience, with Adam present, how she took it upon herself to test the boundries of the human surface and the human will. She confessed that she manipulated him, made suggestions and such, and even used her sexual prowess to expedite these changes. I'm sitting in my living room, and I'm watching the end of this movie, and I can feel myself in Adams chair. I am vulnerable enough to have something like that happen to me, and I did, just to a much lesser extent. Twice actually. Last year, sometime in September, when I was still really involved with someone, we all know who. I was sitting in my ex-best friends mother's office. I was talking to that someone, and she decided to spill her guts to me. I can't remember how many time she tried to do something, but it basically amounted to the fact that the last six months of my life then were nothing but my imagination. She proceeded to tell me the truth for lie after lie, and other things. I remember talking again to her at a later date, just walking around my neighborhood, literally screaming into my phone, hearing my pained voice echo through the neighborhood. Turned out the only reason that someone dated me in the first place, was because I was innocent and I need to be corrupted, in her eyes. She willed me to be what I wasn’t, and devoted the time and effort for nothing but her own self-gratification. It is funny how these events disappear in your mind. I did not want to remember, and I wish that I did not see that movie. I do not wish to explain everything that was said, as I cannot remember clearly, I was quite delusional. Now comes to the second incident. Starting school here was probably one of the toughest things that I have ever done. I was absolutely brand new, and very shy at that. I was just going to coast through the school year. I met someone here, and things happened. She took advantage of me. I did things that I said that I wouldn't and pitted me against my own resolve. Things happened, nothing too serious mind you. A couple days later - I can't remember the right timeframe, she hands me her camera and tells me to watch 3 of the videos on it. It turns out, as she said into her 'confession' that I was nothing more than a bet. I got angry, I felt like shit, and I got over it. She told me that it was a lie, she was scared that something was going to happen, because of events in her past that I am not at liberty to say. I guess it comes down to it, I have an extremely easy heart to play with, and no matter how much I hate it, or how much effort I make to keep it from happening, it does. I am wronged, I give up and I move on. I am not someone who stands well to personal insults, and when that happens, I stick up for myself. I will stand for my own integrity, my own pride, and my respect for myself. The right that others have to do this is none. I give them the ability. Do your worse, you will not hurt me anymore. If I let you, shame on you. ~~ In reality, I am fragile, and few know me beyond those walls. If I let you behind them, feel honored, because it is one. Through my life’s' trails, I have only let very few behind them, and all but two has fucked me over. For that, I thank you, those that have that haven't. I thank you with my life. ~~ This has no direction towards anyone, so keep that in mind. Just me expressing what I can in my journal, my way.