I was scared shitless at 13
I get out the shower, and I sit down to watch T.V with my family. My sister and step-dad are watching this movie called thirteen. It is a film set in a very familiar style, it looks like it was shot and edited with a handycam and a personal computer, so It’s very informal. Its about this girl who starts hanging out with the wrong crowd. It shows, from the little that I watched, how easy it is for a teenage in this day in age to do the wrong thing, all the time. I know that I couldn’t watch more than twenty minutes of it, and in that span of time, the girl drinks, smokes cigarette and pot, cuts herself, gets an impromptu belly button piercing, makes out with the bad girl, and looses her virginity. I turned away, sickened by the movie. It’s like all of these events happen in the span of a week, and that’s an awful lot. It’s also very scary, and a eye opener of sorts as well. It’s puts together all of the times when I’ve sat and listened to friends of mine, telling me about they’re horrible 12 and 13 year old years, it also shows me how fucking fast society is going downhill. It adds some unwanted visuals to memories that I was told by a girl that I love, making me cringe. It scares the living shit out of me, because my sister is 12 years old, and hanging out with the wrong type of girl.
I can remember the beginnings of my teenage years, and they were nothing like that. Sure I had fantasies and such, but I didn’t have my first kiss until I was well into 15. From there, nothing happened until really I was 17, and I didn’t actually get drunk until I was almost 18. The difference is this: I know that I am an exception, and a late bloomer. I matured at a proper rate, coinciding with my own comfort with myself, and I came out ahead. I look towards those who weren’t able to have the time to mature, and ended up making mistakes at the wrong times. What made me different? I didn’t have amazing parents, I didn’t have amazing friends, and I was still a troublemaker, yet I guess I knew when to stop. So many people around me haven’t had the same chance, and I curse the world and humanity for forcing children into the things that they shouldn’t be.
I don’t know what these past two paragraphs were about, but I guess it was an answer to my own question; I do not want kids. I was wondering if I could handle it, but there isn’t enough anything to make me want to raise a teenage daughter. I know that if I was to have a child, I would most likely adopt a male child, simply because they seem so much easier to raise in the most stressful parts of their lives. I haven’t been too great personally, but then again, I always had my limits. I never got into drugs, nor do I plan on starting. I was never one to get into a situation that I could not control. I guess you could say that I was stuck up, but it took me awhile to mature into who I am today.
….I have no clue what prompted that, maybe my frustration at parents these days. They think all the answers can be found in school and instructional handbooks on parenting. Our latest generation of parents has no control, or clue how to raise children, nor do they know how to take responsibility for their actions as parents. It scares me as to how horrible my generation is going to parent, and considering that most of the pregnancies are starting now, just after high school…
Shit I’m scared.
I can remember the beginnings of my teenage years, and they were nothing like that. Sure I had fantasies and such, but I didn’t have my first kiss until I was well into 15. From there, nothing happened until really I was 17, and I didn’t actually get drunk until I was almost 18. The difference is this: I know that I am an exception, and a late bloomer. I matured at a proper rate, coinciding with my own comfort with myself, and I came out ahead. I look towards those who weren’t able to have the time to mature, and ended up making mistakes at the wrong times. What made me different? I didn’t have amazing parents, I didn’t have amazing friends, and I was still a troublemaker, yet I guess I knew when to stop. So many people around me haven’t had the same chance, and I curse the world and humanity for forcing children into the things that they shouldn’t be.
I don’t know what these past two paragraphs were about, but I guess it was an answer to my own question; I do not want kids. I was wondering if I could handle it, but there isn’t enough anything to make me want to raise a teenage daughter. I know that if I was to have a child, I would most likely adopt a male child, simply because they seem so much easier to raise in the most stressful parts of their lives. I haven’t been too great personally, but then again, I always had my limits. I never got into drugs, nor do I plan on starting. I was never one to get into a situation that I could not control. I guess you could say that I was stuck up, but it took me awhile to mature into who I am today.
….I have no clue what prompted that, maybe my frustration at parents these days. They think all the answers can be found in school and instructional handbooks on parenting. Our latest generation of parents has no control, or clue how to raise children, nor do they know how to take responsibility for their actions as parents. It scares me as to how horrible my generation is going to parent, and considering that most of the pregnancies are starting now, just after high school…
Shit I’m scared.