Glee Fic: The Fame Monster (2/?) (Kurt/Mike)
Title: The Fame Monster
Author: InvalidAttempt
Chapter: 2/?
Characters/Pairings: Ensemble; Brittana, Kurt/Mike
Length: ~ 1,900 in this chapter.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild swearing. Sue Sylvester insults. Vastly AU.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even the computer I am currently typing in.
AN: Written for the Kurt/Mike Summer Love Fic Fest prompt #68: Movie Star Kurt, Body Guard Mike. The reason Kurt Hummel doesn't date.
Summary: Mike Chang really doesn't like Kurt Hummel. Mike Chang thinks Kurt Hummel is a pretentious egotist obsessed with garnering media attention. Too bad Mike Chang's new job is protecting Kurt Hummel.
Chapter 1: Here.
Across the desk, Sue Sylvester glared at him.
Mike Chang glared right back.
“You know,” he said, “This selection process of yours is completely against Rutherford Security’s employment protocol.”
She smiled. It was even scarier than her glare. “Well, buddy, if you want to work here, you’re going to have to get used to doing things a certain way. The Sue Sylvester way.”
At this point, a new woman entered the room. She looked every inch the professional, clad in a straight skirt and blazer, next to Sylvester’s violently colored tracksuit, but Sue was still the more intimidating of the two. The new blonde placed a folder down on the corner of Sue’s desk, then departed.
Sue seemed to consider the subject of her insult against his boss closed, so she changed the subject.
“So, you are…” and she picked up the folder and read the name on the heading, “Michael Chang. It says here you’ve been working for Matt Rutherford for only two years. Not a whole lot of experience as a body guard, Chang.”
Mike interrupted. “Yes, but before that I was-”
“Shut up. You were in the army for three years. Positioned in Baghdad. You made Lieutenant by your second year. All your superiors have spoken very highly of you.”
Mike nodded.
“You are also a member of our local boxing club.”
Mike leaned forward, trying to get a look at her folder. Sylvester pulled it back quickly, before he could see inside. Suspicious, he said, “That’s not in my resume, and Puck doesn’t keep records of his fighters. Says it goes against the first rule. How the hell do you know that?”
“There’s something you need to understand, Michael,” she said, leaning back in her chair with a smug smile, “There’s nothing I can’t do. I admit it: the information in this folder is not, for the most part, taken from your company’s website. Sue Sylvester only hires winners, and there simply isn’t enough information there to analyze your potential.”
He waited. She smirked.
“I, ah, I did a little digging. What you see before you, Michael, is a compilation of data from various information databases created by the US government to keep track of their toadies. I have also inspected your tax records, high school grades, and a collection of photos taken from a security camera at the barber you frequent, because if there are two things I cannot abide, it’s losers and bad haircuts.”
Mike just knew he was gaping, but he just couldn’t seem to figure out how to close his mouth.
“I have over a hundred identical folders, one for each muscle-bound university reject sitting in that room. I really don’t need to hold interviews at all- this process is absolutely unnecessary. I already know who’s the best. But I’m doing it anyway. And you know why?” She paused, waiting to see if he would answer, then explained, “Because I can.”
“So now that I have intimidated you to the point of crying for momma, my work is done. Get the hell out of my office. I’ll have Brittany call Mr. Rutherford if I decide you’ll provide passable security for my client.”
He stood, but before he left, he asked, “And who is this client I might end up protecting, if you decide I’m not completely incompetent?”
Sue gave him a slow smile. “You’ve got guts, kid. I can’t deny I may use them for garters, but it counts for something. Most of the other applicants try to leave this room as fast as they can, but here you are, prolonging your own torment. I love a masochist. The client, Bruce Lee, is…”
“Wait,” he interrupted, “You represent Bruce Lee?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she snarled, “ I was making a crack at your racial heritage. That pansy? Wouldn’t be caught dead working for him. Broke his collarbone working as an extra in a fight in ‘Enter the Dragon’ in ’73. Man cried like a baby. I represent Kurt Hummel. Now, leave by that door before I throw you out my window.”
Mike left. He slammed the door as loudly as he could as he went.
Once in the hallway, the first person he saw was the blonde woman who had brought Sylvester the folder. She was leaning against the door of room 113, arms folded across her chest and a small, cold smile on her lips. She walked beside him as he headed towards the main lobby, matching him step for step no matter how much he tried to speed up imperceptibly, desperate to just get out of this building. Mike was mildly impressed despite himself, and he wondered how she managed to keep up with him in heels that high.
They were just reaching the lobby when suddenly she grabbed his arm and pulled him into an empty room. Glancing both ways down the hallway, and seeing they were alone, the woman shut the door and locked it.
“I’m Quinn,” she said. “Quinn Fabray.”
“I’m Mike Chang,” he replied, shifting on his feet awkwardly, “and whatever your intentions are, I’m not really interested.”
Her eyes widened in shock, then she laughed in delight. “Don’t worry,” she assured him, “I’m not going to seduce you. I’m running damage control for Ms. Sylvester.”
Damage control? Mike had always thought things like Watergate and tsunamis needed damage control, not people. In a way, though, Sue Sylvester could be compared to both those things. She was, he thought, a politically offensive and completely destructive force of nature.
Seeing that he was still in a state of shock following his brush with death, Quinn gestured towards a chair, offering him a seat before sitting down on top of the desk, ignoring the files she was undoubtedly crushing.
She explained, “I can give you the real information about the job. The interview you just attended was for Sue’s enjoyment, not your education. She’s not interested in even half of the applicants in the waiting room- she just wants the chance to insult them. I handle the ones she’s actually considering once the verbal assault is finished. Anything you want to know, I can tell you.”
“So you’re her, what, her personal assistant?”
She scowled. “No, Mr. Chang. I’m her lawyer. You’re right, it should be her assistant helping you here, but unfortunately Santana is too busy flirting with Ms. Sylvester’s secretary. But I can still be of some use. I represent both Sue and the client.”
Mike frowned, rubbing at his temples. He could feel a migraine coming. He knew he should just walk out of here, never look back. Working for Sue Sylvester would probably be a complete hell, if his recent meeting was any indication. He didn’t need that kind of stress. But… Rutherford Security really was struggling. If they were based in Hollywood, business would probably be better, but in New York there was more competition and fewer paranoid celebrities, it seemed.
And Tina was in her second year at Juilliard, excelling, but with no hope of paying for her third.
He sighed. “Alright. What are the terms of the job?”
“Have you heard of the client? Kurt Hummel?”
Of course he had. Everyone knew about Kurt Hummel. He’d been America’s sweetheart since his first job at the tender age of nine on the ‘All-New Mickey Mouse Club’, the year it got cancelled. Hell, Mike had watched that show himself, not that he would ever admit it. Kurt Hummel had won the admiration of millions of viewers with his cute face and beautiful singing, immediately outshining the other actors. He’d successfully kept the public’s adoration through the years of his career, not even losing their support after he came out on the Late Show.
That was six years ago. The fact that he hadn’t dated a single person since then lost his claim some credibility in Mike’s books, however.
Mike wasn’t really a fan himself, although he knew Hummel had done some fairly decent movies. However, Tina was madly in lust with the star (in her own particular, quiet way), and she kept herself updated on all the gossip. Since she visited Mike every weekend, he never failed to get all the news.
The lawyer continued. “What we’re asking for is surveillance and personal protection. Not on a 24/7 hour basis, but rather on a public appearance rotation. At home, Mr. Hummel has a very strong security system and the best locks money can buy. The job will be to keep him safe at all other times; during travel, fan functions, and filming. Whoever Ms. Sylvester chooses will be paid very well- she doesn’t want her main asset damaged.”
She passed him a sheet of paper that had been lying on the desk. Mike scanned it quickly; ignoring all the legal jargon he focused on the details. When his eyes found the number scrawled at the bottom, they very nearly popped out of his head.
$ 212 738 9500.
He worked his jaw, trying desperately to look unimpressed. Finally, he said (and he would swear in front of a jury of peers that his voice didn’t squeak), “Is that the payment for a year?”
Quinn leaned over, scanning the sheet, before she found what she was staring at. She smirked.
“No, that’s Brittany’s phone number. We don’t include the financial details on the application form.”
What the hell?
“Why is there a dollar sign then?” He asked, completely befuddled.
Quinn made a face. “That means she’s making a double offer. From both herself and Santana. The ‘S’ stands for Santana, and the line down the middle almost creates a ‘B’ out of half of the ‘S’, for Brittany.”
He stared at her.
She sighed irritably. “Are you going to fill the form out or not?”
Mike took the pen she offered.
Name: Michael Chang
Company: Rutherford Security
Employer: Matthew Rutherford
Home Phone number: 212-456-3129
Mobile Phone number: 212-456-6003
Contact e-mail: m.chang@gmail.com
Any debilitating weaknesses? None.
Any co-dependants? Step-sister, Christina Cohen-Chang
Availability: Full time except for Sunday nights, (when I live by the Rules and am not a special snowflake.)
Sign here: Mike Chang
Attach resume to this form.
He handed the paper over to Quinn. She assured him that they would call if Ms. Sylvester decided he was worthy. Wearily, he moved to leave the room. At the last moment, however, she called to him.
“Mr. Chang, aren’t you forgetting something?”
He turned to her. In her hand she held a strip of paper ripped from the bottom of his form, with the ditzy secretary’s number on it. She waved it at him cheerfully.
Mike stomped over and snatched it from her, then he left the room. Somehow, her mocking smile seemed to follow him as he passed the front desk (where the two women were now grinning lasciviously. This wasn’t surprising from… Brittany, was it? - but from the other woman it certainly was. Hostile to seductive faster than the speed of light, it seemed.)
He threw the slip of paper into a trash can on his way out.
AN: Yay, an update! The next chapter will have some Kurt, some Mercedes, and hopefully some Puck even. That chapter should be up before the week is out. Please leave a review to let me know what you think!
Author: InvalidAttempt
Chapter: 2/?
Characters/Pairings: Ensemble; Brittana, Kurt/Mike
Length: ~ 1,900 in this chapter.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild swearing. Sue Sylvester insults. Vastly AU.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even the computer I am currently typing in.
AN: Written for the Kurt/Mike Summer Love Fic Fest prompt #68: Movie Star Kurt, Body Guard Mike. The reason Kurt Hummel doesn't date.
Summary: Mike Chang really doesn't like Kurt Hummel. Mike Chang thinks Kurt Hummel is a pretentious egotist obsessed with garnering media attention. Too bad Mike Chang's new job is protecting Kurt Hummel.
Chapter 1: Here.
Across the desk, Sue Sylvester glared at him.
Mike Chang glared right back.
“You know,” he said, “This selection process of yours is completely against Rutherford Security’s employment protocol.”
She smiled. It was even scarier than her glare. “Well, buddy, if you want to work here, you’re going to have to get used to doing things a certain way. The Sue Sylvester way.”
At this point, a new woman entered the room. She looked every inch the professional, clad in a straight skirt and blazer, next to Sylvester’s violently colored tracksuit, but Sue was still the more intimidating of the two. The new blonde placed a folder down on the corner of Sue’s desk, then departed.
Sue seemed to consider the subject of her insult against his boss closed, so she changed the subject.
“So, you are…” and she picked up the folder and read the name on the heading, “Michael Chang. It says here you’ve been working for Matt Rutherford for only two years. Not a whole lot of experience as a body guard, Chang.”
Mike interrupted. “Yes, but before that I was-”
“Shut up. You were in the army for three years. Positioned in Baghdad. You made Lieutenant by your second year. All your superiors have spoken very highly of you.”
Mike nodded.
“You are also a member of our local boxing club.”
Mike leaned forward, trying to get a look at her folder. Sylvester pulled it back quickly, before he could see inside. Suspicious, he said, “That’s not in my resume, and Puck doesn’t keep records of his fighters. Says it goes against the first rule. How the hell do you know that?”
“There’s something you need to understand, Michael,” she said, leaning back in her chair with a smug smile, “There’s nothing I can’t do. I admit it: the information in this folder is not, for the most part, taken from your company’s website. Sue Sylvester only hires winners, and there simply isn’t enough information there to analyze your potential.”
He waited. She smirked.
“I, ah, I did a little digging. What you see before you, Michael, is a compilation of data from various information databases created by the US government to keep track of their toadies. I have also inspected your tax records, high school grades, and a collection of photos taken from a security camera at the barber you frequent, because if there are two things I cannot abide, it’s losers and bad haircuts.”
Mike just knew he was gaping, but he just couldn’t seem to figure out how to close his mouth.
“I have over a hundred identical folders, one for each muscle-bound university reject sitting in that room. I really don’t need to hold interviews at all- this process is absolutely unnecessary. I already know who’s the best. But I’m doing it anyway. And you know why?” She paused, waiting to see if he would answer, then explained, “Because I can.”
“So now that I have intimidated you to the point of crying for momma, my work is done. Get the hell out of my office. I’ll have Brittany call Mr. Rutherford if I decide you’ll provide passable security for my client.”
He stood, but before he left, he asked, “And who is this client I might end up protecting, if you decide I’m not completely incompetent?”
Sue gave him a slow smile. “You’ve got guts, kid. I can’t deny I may use them for garters, but it counts for something. Most of the other applicants try to leave this room as fast as they can, but here you are, prolonging your own torment. I love a masochist. The client, Bruce Lee, is…”
“Wait,” he interrupted, “You represent Bruce Lee?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she snarled, “ I was making a crack at your racial heritage. That pansy? Wouldn’t be caught dead working for him. Broke his collarbone working as an extra in a fight in ‘Enter the Dragon’ in ’73. Man cried like a baby. I represent Kurt Hummel. Now, leave by that door before I throw you out my window.”
Mike left. He slammed the door as loudly as he could as he went.
Once in the hallway, the first person he saw was the blonde woman who had brought Sylvester the folder. She was leaning against the door of room 113, arms folded across her chest and a small, cold smile on her lips. She walked beside him as he headed towards the main lobby, matching him step for step no matter how much he tried to speed up imperceptibly, desperate to just get out of this building. Mike was mildly impressed despite himself, and he wondered how she managed to keep up with him in heels that high.
They were just reaching the lobby when suddenly she grabbed his arm and pulled him into an empty room. Glancing both ways down the hallway, and seeing they were alone, the woman shut the door and locked it.
“I’m Quinn,” she said. “Quinn Fabray.”
“I’m Mike Chang,” he replied, shifting on his feet awkwardly, “and whatever your intentions are, I’m not really interested.”
Her eyes widened in shock, then she laughed in delight. “Don’t worry,” she assured him, “I’m not going to seduce you. I’m running damage control for Ms. Sylvester.”
Damage control? Mike had always thought things like Watergate and tsunamis needed damage control, not people. In a way, though, Sue Sylvester could be compared to both those things. She was, he thought, a politically offensive and completely destructive force of nature.
Seeing that he was still in a state of shock following his brush with death, Quinn gestured towards a chair, offering him a seat before sitting down on top of the desk, ignoring the files she was undoubtedly crushing.
She explained, “I can give you the real information about the job. The interview you just attended was for Sue’s enjoyment, not your education. She’s not interested in even half of the applicants in the waiting room- she just wants the chance to insult them. I handle the ones she’s actually considering once the verbal assault is finished. Anything you want to know, I can tell you.”
“So you’re her, what, her personal assistant?”
She scowled. “No, Mr. Chang. I’m her lawyer. You’re right, it should be her assistant helping you here, but unfortunately Santana is too busy flirting with Ms. Sylvester’s secretary. But I can still be of some use. I represent both Sue and the client.”
Mike frowned, rubbing at his temples. He could feel a migraine coming. He knew he should just walk out of here, never look back. Working for Sue Sylvester would probably be a complete hell, if his recent meeting was any indication. He didn’t need that kind of stress. But… Rutherford Security really was struggling. If they were based in Hollywood, business would probably be better, but in New York there was more competition and fewer paranoid celebrities, it seemed.
And Tina was in her second year at Juilliard, excelling, but with no hope of paying for her third.
He sighed. “Alright. What are the terms of the job?”
“Have you heard of the client? Kurt Hummel?”
Of course he had. Everyone knew about Kurt Hummel. He’d been America’s sweetheart since his first job at the tender age of nine on the ‘All-New Mickey Mouse Club’, the year it got cancelled. Hell, Mike had watched that show himself, not that he would ever admit it. Kurt Hummel had won the admiration of millions of viewers with his cute face and beautiful singing, immediately outshining the other actors. He’d successfully kept the public’s adoration through the years of his career, not even losing their support after he came out on the Late Show.
That was six years ago. The fact that he hadn’t dated a single person since then lost his claim some credibility in Mike’s books, however.
Mike wasn’t really a fan himself, although he knew Hummel had done some fairly decent movies. However, Tina was madly in lust with the star (in her own particular, quiet way), and she kept herself updated on all the gossip. Since she visited Mike every weekend, he never failed to get all the news.
The lawyer continued. “What we’re asking for is surveillance and personal protection. Not on a 24/7 hour basis, but rather on a public appearance rotation. At home, Mr. Hummel has a very strong security system and the best locks money can buy. The job will be to keep him safe at all other times; during travel, fan functions, and filming. Whoever Ms. Sylvester chooses will be paid very well- she doesn’t want her main asset damaged.”
She passed him a sheet of paper that had been lying on the desk. Mike scanned it quickly; ignoring all the legal jargon he focused on the details. When his eyes found the number scrawled at the bottom, they very nearly popped out of his head.
$ 212 738 9500.
He worked his jaw, trying desperately to look unimpressed. Finally, he said (and he would swear in front of a jury of peers that his voice didn’t squeak), “Is that the payment for a year?”
Quinn leaned over, scanning the sheet, before she found what she was staring at. She smirked.
“No, that’s Brittany’s phone number. We don’t include the financial details on the application form.”
What the hell?
“Why is there a dollar sign then?” He asked, completely befuddled.
Quinn made a face. “That means she’s making a double offer. From both herself and Santana. The ‘S’ stands for Santana, and the line down the middle almost creates a ‘B’ out of half of the ‘S’, for Brittany.”
He stared at her.
She sighed irritably. “Are you going to fill the form out or not?”
Mike took the pen she offered.
Name: Michael Chang
Company: Rutherford Security
Employer: Matthew Rutherford
Home Phone number: 212-456-3129
Mobile Phone number: 212-456-6003
Contact e-mail: m.chang@gmail.com
Any debilitating weaknesses? None.
Any co-dependants? Step-sister, Christina Cohen-Chang
Availability: Full time except for Sunday nights, (when I live by the Rules and am not a special snowflake.)
Sign here: Mike Chang
Attach resume to this form.
He handed the paper over to Quinn. She assured him that they would call if Ms. Sylvester decided he was worthy. Wearily, he moved to leave the room. At the last moment, however, she called to him.
“Mr. Chang, aren’t you forgetting something?”
He turned to her. In her hand she held a strip of paper ripped from the bottom of his form, with the ditzy secretary’s number on it. She waved it at him cheerfully.
Mike stomped over and snatched it from her, then he left the room. Somehow, her mocking smile seemed to follow him as he passed the front desk (where the two women were now grinning lasciviously. This wasn’t surprising from… Brittany, was it? - but from the other woman it certainly was. Hostile to seductive faster than the speed of light, it seemed.)
He threw the slip of paper into a trash can on his way out.
AN: Yay, an update! The next chapter will have some Kurt, some Mercedes, and hopefully some Puck even. That chapter should be up before the week is out. Please leave a review to let me know what you think!