A lack of color?
"If you feel discouraged when there's a lack of color here, please don't worry, lover. It's really bursting at the seams, absorbing everything: the spectrums A to Z..."
'A Lack of Color' by Death Cab for Cutie
For some reason, this quote just really struck me today. Actually, a lot of them did. This was just the last one, which hit me at a time when I was a complete emotional wreck (which I am going to blame on hormones, though the distress is all the same), while I was feeling a lot of self-doubt and doubt of everything good in my life right now. Namely, Mike. Some things happened last night that made me unsure of myself and of him, and it just sort of spiraled into this emotional maelstrom today, with me doubting that he really felt the way he said he did, and whether he knew the real depth of how I feel, which is even scaring me. And then I heard this song come on my media player, and this line just tugged at that feeling and broke it. It may look as if it's just a blankness, not much there at all, when in reality there's just so much of a spectrum of color and emotion behind it that we're too blind to see. Just as I seem to have a lack of color, so does he, but that doesn't mean it's so.
But for some reason, the first quote of the night, a strip from A Softer World, just keeps thrumming away at me. "And don't forget to tell him that your curfew is at eleven. And honey? I know about the things that happen on prom night. So just remember. We all die alone. So don't waste time." It hits one of my weak points, that I wish I could be doing so much more than I am. That I could be enjoying the wonderful things and people in my life so much more than I am, but the mundane interferes and I lose my perspective. I take them for granted, like I'm going to have all the time in the world. And who knows? I might. But I might die tomorrow, and I know my biggest regret will be of not spending enough time with the people I love, of not letting them know how much I really do love them, of not being honest enough with them to do that. But I know it'd be so much more painful if I weren't the one to die. We all die alone, but I don't want any of the people I love to die without knowing completely and without any shadow of a doubt that I loved them with all my heart, with everything I have. And I can only hope that it's not true that we all die alone. I want to be there. I don't want anyone I love to have to be alone. Especially him.
On a side note, I love you. Very very much. And always. Goodnight.
'A Lack of Color' by Death Cab for Cutie
For some reason, this quote just really struck me today. Actually, a lot of them did. This was just the last one, which hit me at a time when I was a complete emotional wreck (which I am going to blame on hormones, though the distress is all the same), while I was feeling a lot of self-doubt and doubt of everything good in my life right now. Namely, Mike. Some things happened last night that made me unsure of myself and of him, and it just sort of spiraled into this emotional maelstrom today, with me doubting that he really felt the way he said he did, and whether he knew the real depth of how I feel, which is even scaring me. And then I heard this song come on my media player, and this line just tugged at that feeling and broke it. It may look as if it's just a blankness, not much there at all, when in reality there's just so much of a spectrum of color and emotion behind it that we're too blind to see. Just as I seem to have a lack of color, so does he, but that doesn't mean it's so.
But for some reason, the first quote of the night, a strip from A Softer World, just keeps thrumming away at me. "And don't forget to tell him that your curfew is at eleven. And honey? I know about the things that happen on prom night. So just remember. We all die alone. So don't waste time." It hits one of my weak points, that I wish I could be doing so much more than I am. That I could be enjoying the wonderful things and people in my life so much more than I am, but the mundane interferes and I lose my perspective. I take them for granted, like I'm going to have all the time in the world. And who knows? I might. But I might die tomorrow, and I know my biggest regret will be of not spending enough time with the people I love, of not letting them know how much I really do love them, of not being honest enough with them to do that. But I know it'd be so much more painful if I weren't the one to die. We all die alone, but I don't want any of the people I love to die without knowing completely and without any shadow of a doubt that I loved them with all my heart, with everything I have. And I can only hope that it's not true that we all die alone. I want to be there. I don't want anyone I love to have to be alone. Especially him.
On a side note, I love you. Very very much. And always. Goodnight.