(no subject)
I finished work last night right on midnight, which was nice. Got in the car, was driving home. Got to a main intersection where I usually need to turn right. They were doing road works. And as such I could not turn right. Surely they would have outlined some kind of detour, I think. But no. Just one stupid little man with a little flashing power-stick waving madly like he was the God of Semaphore.
So there I am, conforming and turning left, and pondering exactly which way I need to go in order to be heading in the right direction, when I notice a huge fucking HUNSTMAN sitting on one of my headlights (I have pop-up headlights coz my car is an 80's flashback nightmare- but its great for pick up lines "Wanna sit on the front of my car and see what pops up?" But I digress.) So there was this eight-legged freak just sitting there. Non-chalant. Not caring that I was having a heart attack. (For our international readers I should clarify that hunstmans are rather large hairy spiders, cant kill you but would give you a nasty bite and for anyone who is slightly irked by spiders, these things are just freaky.) Now, normally I am quite a rational person. But spiders I can not tolerate. I hate the little fuckers and would gladly donate a kidney if it meant I never had to see one again in my life.
Eight legs. Eight beady eyes. And it is crawling all over the place. I cant watch the road because I cant tear my eyes away from this thing that only be classed as some creation-diety's mistake. I mean, what was it doing? Car surfing? Was it some sort of extreme-sport spider? Was it suicidal? I figure I can probably drive and watch the spider quite effectively if I just kept my mind on the task. It was at this point that my body decided it needed a cigarette and it needed one now. I couldnt wind down the window, this was spider country. But I could last till I got home, it was only another 10mins or so, right?
10mins later I was stuck at more road works. Trying to concentrate on spider that I now cant see. Where has it gone? Need a cigarette. How slow do these fucking trucks move? Need a cigarette. Stupid roadwork man and his stop sign. Need a cigarette. Still have no idea where the spider is. Still need a cigarette. Eventually the stupid roadwork man who is probably being paid more than me flips his sign and I get to crawl along for a kilometre or two. End Roadworks. Thank fuck. I speed home. Park. And encounter the problem I had been successfully ignoring. How to get out of the car, not knowing where the spider was, without falling over or getting bitten.
The details of my speedy exit form the vehical will remain only in my memory, let us just say it was not graceful, but I survived.
And thus details yet another saga from the I.Kitty vs The Arachnid World Chronicles.