May 2008
Title:How It Could Have Been; ch 74, Days Go By
Author:petalears
Universe:AU
Rating:PG
Summary:Inuyasha approaches puberty
Quote:"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France
Days Go by
The following five years were halcyon days for Inuyasha, and indeed for everyone surrounding him; even his two hanyou friends had widened out in friendship after finding out that among youkai they were not so different looking as they had always thought before. They had even accepted training from the Palace masters in various ways and their strengths had been admired. True, those at the Palace were used to hanyou and in any case any who had genuinely disliked the thought of half breeds had left long ago. Therefore it wasn’t a true representation of the population, but it was a far wider field than either boy had known before.
There was never a dull moment for the children at the Palace and the next milestone was reached by Kouga, which meant that lessons for the boys took another turn. The official ones which taught how bodies and voices were changing and preparing the youth for adulthood, were boring and understood, but the unofficial ones were more fun. Hearing Kouga’s voice make strange sounds as it dipped between that of a childish cub and that of an adolescent wolf, sometimes in mid sentence, was far more fascinating and a great deal of fun for the younger boys at Kouga’s expense.
There was a down side too, the gulf in their ages suddenly seemed huge and Kouga found that he had more in common with the two older hanyou than with his classmates. He looked forward to the days off when Jinenji and Gyuoh would come over and the older boys would rather spend their time together and Inuyasha felt left out again. Only once did he rebel though, and lead a small party of spies out to where the older boys had gone, they had a den in the forest where only adolescents were allowed.
But after watching in amazement at the older boys who were seeing how far up a tree they could shoot their urine and then comparing the sizes of their privates with one another, the younger boys had burst out laughing and been chased away. Of course none of them could wait until it was their turn to be initiated into these rites of adolescence, but it would be quite a few years until the first of them started to notice his voice changing. Kouga had to leave for over a week while his tribe celebrated his transition from cub to adult and when he came back he was full of the tales of all that had been done in his honour; making the younger ones long for their own times.
Kouga also came back with a great sense of self importance; his celebration had also confirmed his status as pack leader once he had fully matured, until then, he had to still have protection from some of the wolves, although more and more were accepting him. However his ego had been inflated by all the praise of his obvious strength, speed and power; not to mention his growing charm.
He couldn’t seem to help falling back on his old failing of trying to boss the younger boys around again, especially targeting the three sons of Inu no Taishou. None of them however were going to tolerate that for very long, both younger boys were definitely Alpha and told him so in no uncertain terms; as for Inuyasha, he wouldn’t let his own brothers pull that trick. Kouga spoke haughtily to Inuyasha;
"It’s only natural that you should listen to me Inuyasha; I shall be leader one day, you will have to bow to me then."
"Never, you jumped up wimp. I suppose you think that I should bow to every alpha, well I don’t. You are so stupid Kouga; do you think I should be all obedient to any Alpha if he was only a worm or an ant?" Inuyasha said scornfully, before he launched himself at Kouga and tussled him to the ground. Kouga was shocked, he was bigger and stronger than Inuyasha, especially since his body had started to mature; but he wasn’t expecting the smaller boy to charge him, however he wasn’t going to let Inuyasha have his own way and he started to retaliate.
Both boys were hauled apart and held up to eye level by the scruffs of their kimono by Inu no Taishou who had intervened before the scuffle became too heated. His face was stern but his aura was not angry.
"Inuyasha, you will apologise to Kouga for the attack; you will have to recognise that one day he will be Prince in his own right and his position will command your homage...you will be required to bow, his position will be higher than your own."
"No way, the wolf tribes are much smaller than the West; they don’t have lands like we do, and they only have small caves in their territories." Inuyasha was most indignant.
"Remember your manners pup." Was the strict reply and Inuyasha whispered his apology sheepishly. "In matters of honour and kingdoms, size has no bearing and that is true of kingdom or personage. Therefore should the King of the Worms or Ants that reside in a molehill request an audience with your king, you would be expected to give all due respect to him as befits the second of my children." Inu no Taishou kept the smile from his face that would undermine his serious lesson, but Kouga smirked at his friend’s horrified expression.
"Do you understand My Inuyasha?"
"Yes Papa."
"However Kouga is not that person yet, neither has he requested audience with me, Prince to King and he still has much to learn before he gains that respect he would deserve. Kouga, your father wished you to learn how to be wise in your rulership, and to learn when the respect offered is genuine and not just lip service. You cannot force your people or others to honour you, even if you can force their obedience. Being a ruler is a very lonely place if you cannot trust your friends and family." Inu no Taishou could tell that his words had struck home; Kouga was a nice cub, but cocky and proud, both of which he would need to rule, sometimes though he was too headstrong; but he was learning.
"I’m sorry Inuyasha; I was being rude." Kouga said; thinking that he would get the mutt face back in his own time.
"That’s okay Kouga." Inuyasha replied; thinking that he would never bow before the wimpy wolf. But neither boy was really being hostile to the other, they were in fact genuinely fond of one another; it was just how they were. Inu no Taishou released the pair with a serious admonition that they were both to heed.
"You must remember that while you are sparring or in mock battles which will arise as you reach puberty in the future Inuyasha, your normal playgrounds are inhabited by humans who may become afraid of you. In particular they are your responsibility My Son, as they live on your land and work for you. I am not to be swayed on this either, if I find my words are forgotten or unheeded, you will be forbidden to visit your farm unless you are alone...and even then..."
"I won’t forget Papa."
"I certainly will not forget; you can trust me Sire."
"Hmmm, we shall see; now go along both of you and don’t let me find out you’ve been fighting again." Inu no Taishou smiled as the boys ran off and then frowned as Kouga did a double take as he saw Michiko. The girl was only a few years younger than Inuyasha and yet as most females did, she was ahead of him developmentally; her figure was just budding into the shape of a young woman, and it would seem that she was beginning to be noticed. Ah well, any young suitor would have to face her father first, and Inu no Taishou laughed aloud at the thought.
Inuyasha would eventually look back wistfully to those days before the great changes in his life; the days before he lost, one after the other, in the space of seven short years, his three human siblings and their mates. They were by far the hardest times he had lived through, even taking into account the trauma of losing his mother, and they left an indelible impression.
Inu no Taishou had collected Inuyasha one day from the nursery where all the younger pups were playing; his face was sombre and the pup thought he was in trouble. But he was not, and Papa was quick to reassure him of the fact, whilst at the same time keeping the sense of urgency that Inuyasha listen carefully to him. Merely letting Inuyasha know that Sora needed him, Inu no Taishou took his son to his brother’s home and allowed Chouko to take him into the bedroom, while he waited in the living area.
The father heard his son’s howl of grief and waited for the scant seconds it would take Inuyasha to come rushing down to him begging for the use of Tenseiga. Sure enough his pup charged in almost before he’d finished thinking, followed at a more sedate pace due to her age by Chouko. The boy was already pleading with his father to use the sword, but Cho went over and asked Inu no Taishou if she could speak with her brother in private. This was granted and the General went outside after bidding Inuyasha to stay and listen to his sister.
With a smile greatly tinged with sadness, Cho stood in front of Inuyasha and gently gripped his arms and looked into his face and his tear bright eyes. Then she looked over his shoulder to her older brother Yori who had come in and shut the door, the rest of their relatives staying with Sora’s body and comforting each other. Cho stroked her oldest brother’s hair as she realised properly that Inuyasha was now as tall as she was and she was not very stooped in age; he could now look her straight in the eyes.
Cho also knew that he was probably about to grow again, having heard the occasional cracks in his voice that indicated his voice would break soon. Suddenly she hated what she had to do, the lot had fallen on her to explain, a few years ago; Cho was the nearest person to his mother that the boy had, and it had been to her, Inuyasha had turned when their mother died. Never mind that she had understood the Lady of the West’s taking charge of her brother, Cho still resented the fact that she could not have had Inuyasha live as if he were her son.
This child, not even yet a youth, was her older brother and at the same time he was barely older than her great grandchildren. She and Yori had always known this boy, he was a constant in their lives and they had been together longer than she had had her parents. He may only be a child, she thought, but he was a highly intelligent and proud being; therefore, Cho was mindful of his dignity as their older brother. She raised her eyes to his and asked him to sit at her feet while she spoke.
"I would rather we could have put this off for even longer, but Sora just collapsed and had passed away before anyone could reach him. If it could happen to one, it could happen to each of us and we cannot leave without you understanding."
"What’s to understand Cho? Let me go and get Papa so’s he can use Tenseiga, we are wasting time."
"No Inuyasha, Sora didn’t want you to use your father’s sword; neither do Yori and me when the time comes for us. We have talked about this; we are old My Brother, old humans and added old age will not kind to us."
"You don’t mean that Cho...Yori; you don’t mean it." They could hear the panic start in his voice and Yori came to him and spoke with him, gently but firmly.
"Neither of us wants to leave you Inuyasha, but it will be better this way. You are old enough to know that we age differently to you; you understood that when Mama passed away, but that time showed us that you are being divided all of the time and that is not fair to you. All of our children and grandchildren, you only know as the children you played with and not the adults they’ve become. And we kept it that way deliberately so that you wouldn’t have to live this sort of parting, losing loved ones time and time again. When Cho and I have left, you will have no reason to come here again until you want to run the farm yourself.
"That’s not what I want..."
"You must trust us Inuyasha, I know you are our older brother, but that is only in physical years, and they mean nothing, not in your growth or development; whether you like it or not, you are still a boy. Trust us that this is for the best, grow up without further distraction and apply yourself to your youkai heritage." Yori’s voice wavered and he grabbed Inuyasha to him with a still strong arm and the boy’s tears dampened his shirt.
That night after the funeral of his dear, gentle and softly spoken, inoffensive brother, Inuyasha spent the night cuddled up in Cho’s arms. He was unnerved, he hadn’t really known well all of the family members who attended, even when he knew their names and how they were related, and he was shy with the adults he had played with when they were all children. His sense of safety had gone too and Sora’s death had brought home to him how vulnerable his remaining human siblings were. It had made the young hanyou inconsolable when he realised how frail Cho and Yori were as they watched in silence as the pyre’s embers died away.
As the years passed, Yori and then Cho followed their brother, and within a year of each other and at least this time, Inuyasha got to say goodbye to each of them. But he wouldn’t speak to anyone after Cho had died, she was his last link to his mother and although he hadn’t fully understood it until his sister was gone, she had replaced Izayoi in his heart for a good many years. Not only was he silent and sullen, he refused to eat or come out of his room, his sister’s final words to him kept rattling around in his brain.
She had told him how proud and grateful they’d all been that they’d known him and that he was their brother, and she had begged him not to fully forget that he was half human in the years to come. She had kissed him and told him to grow straight and strong, both physically and in honour, until the day when they would all see one another again. Then just as Yori had done, she held his hand and kept him close, not letting him go, even as everyone else said their goodbyes; each of them knowing that their deaths were hardest on Inuyasha, out of all their own offspring.
The rest of the youkai family were at a bit of a loss when it came to dealing with Inuyasha’s silence and his petulant ways, even though they understood that he was grieving. None of them had had to deal with such loss as he had suffered, nor were they likely to, and so the younger ones gave him his space and talked with hushed voices near him. This though was annoying and made Inuyasha short tempered, but nobody understood his feelings and he couldn’t communicate the depth of his despair.
He was alone completely now on one side of his family and one half of himself was orphaned; his human self with its own feelings and ideas was bereft knowing that now there was nobody who could fully understand it. The tenant of the farm was his last connection with his humanity other than his own body on the moonless night; and ironically, Inuyasha felt more torn in two now than he had ever done before.
Only Sesshoumaru was able to know the true effect his siblings’ deaths had had on Inuyasha’s heart and how much at risk the young hanyou was of having a complete meltdown. The bond they shared was Inuyasha’s lifeline and when Shu offered to take him hunting for a few weeks, just the two of them, he welcomed his brother’s recommendation. Inu no Taishou had no fears this time that his younger son would be faced with a raging boar or any other danger and he gave his blessing for the trip in the hopes that Sesshoumaru would be able to help heal the hanyou.
Sesshoumaru knew that there was no way he could empathise with his little brother, but past experience taught him that it would be best to give the boy the opportunity to speak without interruption. Added to that, a hunt would enable him to get rid of the frustration and anger which were side effects of losing someone in death and emotions that Inuyasha had exhibited before. Sesshoumaru also thought that it might help his brother in another way, but that would remain to be seen.
Firstly they made a camp, which consisted of a fire for comfort and to cook on if Inuyasha wished to do so; it was also close to a hot spring pool for relaxing and cleansing after a busy hunt. Inuyasha hadn’t said much and was grateful that his brother was not one to try to coax conversation; the bond they shared was enough. Although the two boys hadn’t been on a great many hunts together, there’d been enough to know how to work as one, and Inuyasha already knew what was expected of him by Sesshoumaru.
The first night they had fish, it was quick and satisfying and enabled them to eat soon after they arrived at the hunting grounds before resting for the night. They spoke very little and settled down either side of the fire, although as the night progressed towards morning, Inuyasha crept slowly over to his brother’s tail in his sleep and was lying against it when he was awakened before sunup. Sesshoumaru made no mention of this though and they breakfasted very early on fruit, before deciding how to start their hunt for the day.
Sesshoumaru had a plan, he knew what they needed to hunt and he took Inuyasha further into the forest before coming across a clearing, misty in the early sun. Here they waited in the long grass by the edge for their prey. It was not long before a small herd of deer came into the clearing; it was a mixed group of females and young, ranging in age from the older matriarchs to the shy fawns. They would not take a nursing mother or a fawn; but there were a few small deer that were suitable and between them they decided on which to take down.
It was all over in seconds, but it was suddenly too much for the younger brother, the dead face of the deer brought back recent memories. The creature’s beautiful eyes stared blindly at him and he started to shake and pant before breaking into deep sobs and Sesshoumaru was pleased, his plan had worked. Inuyasha was well known for closing off when emotionally upset, but now he would be prepared to talk. The older brother sat down and brought Inuyasha to him enclosing him as of old in his tail and the familiar situation enabled the hanyou to explain to Sesshoumaru what Yori had said to him about not being divided anymore.
Inuyasha told him how sad and strange it made him feel to no longer have the humans to visit, as if he’d been cut off from part of himself and how much his human heart was aching and afraid. Sesshoumaru needed to think how to best answer his brother, so he told Inuyasha to wash up while he dealt with the deer. Inuyasha’s appetite was almost nonexistent, the deer’s face reminded him of Cho, but Sesshoumaru said they were not going to waste the creature’s life because of silly fancies.
However the older boy was sympathetic, he had after all known what effect the death of such a placid creature would have on Inuyasha. After they had eaten, Inuyasha broke down again, and once more Sesshoumaru held him as he had when the pup was much smaller; he raised his youkai level which always comforted his beta brother. Then he explained that any life change was daunting, but Inuyasha had family and friends who would willingly help and love him and to remember that he was never alone.
After that, the two brothers spent the next two or three weeks together and Inuyasha’s heart was slowly healed from his fear, safe with reassurances from Sesshoumaru. Only Sesshoumaru would witness his brother’s grief and know that he snuggled up as he had as a tiny pup, wrapped in his brother’s tail every night to sleep listening to Shu’s steady heartbeat. But the father of the boys could sense their aura’s and know that everything was alright and he too could relax until the next crisis, which he was certain would come when Inuyasha hit puberty.
Author:petalears
Universe:AU
Rating:PG
Summary:Inuyasha approaches puberty
Quote:"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France
Days Go by
The following five years were halcyon days for Inuyasha, and indeed for everyone surrounding him; even his two hanyou friends had widened out in friendship after finding out that among youkai they were not so different looking as they had always thought before. They had even accepted training from the Palace masters in various ways and their strengths had been admired. True, those at the Palace were used to hanyou and in any case any who had genuinely disliked the thought of half breeds had left long ago. Therefore it wasn’t a true representation of the population, but it was a far wider field than either boy had known before.
There was never a dull moment for the children at the Palace and the next milestone was reached by Kouga, which meant that lessons for the boys took another turn. The official ones which taught how bodies and voices were changing and preparing the youth for adulthood, were boring and understood, but the unofficial ones were more fun. Hearing Kouga’s voice make strange sounds as it dipped between that of a childish cub and that of an adolescent wolf, sometimes in mid sentence, was far more fascinating and a great deal of fun for the younger boys at Kouga’s expense.
There was a down side too, the gulf in their ages suddenly seemed huge and Kouga found that he had more in common with the two older hanyou than with his classmates. He looked forward to the days off when Jinenji and Gyuoh would come over and the older boys would rather spend their time together and Inuyasha felt left out again. Only once did he rebel though, and lead a small party of spies out to where the older boys had gone, they had a den in the forest where only adolescents were allowed.
But after watching in amazement at the older boys who were seeing how far up a tree they could shoot their urine and then comparing the sizes of their privates with one another, the younger boys had burst out laughing and been chased away. Of course none of them could wait until it was their turn to be initiated into these rites of adolescence, but it would be quite a few years until the first of them started to notice his voice changing. Kouga had to leave for over a week while his tribe celebrated his transition from cub to adult and when he came back he was full of the tales of all that had been done in his honour; making the younger ones long for their own times.
Kouga also came back with a great sense of self importance; his celebration had also confirmed his status as pack leader once he had fully matured, until then, he had to still have protection from some of the wolves, although more and more were accepting him. However his ego had been inflated by all the praise of his obvious strength, speed and power; not to mention his growing charm.
He couldn’t seem to help falling back on his old failing of trying to boss the younger boys around again, especially targeting the three sons of Inu no Taishou. None of them however were going to tolerate that for very long, both younger boys were definitely Alpha and told him so in no uncertain terms; as for Inuyasha, he wouldn’t let his own brothers pull that trick. Kouga spoke haughtily to Inuyasha;
"It’s only natural that you should listen to me Inuyasha; I shall be leader one day, you will have to bow to me then."
"Never, you jumped up wimp. I suppose you think that I should bow to every alpha, well I don’t. You are so stupid Kouga; do you think I should be all obedient to any Alpha if he was only a worm or an ant?" Inuyasha said scornfully, before he launched himself at Kouga and tussled him to the ground. Kouga was shocked, he was bigger and stronger than Inuyasha, especially since his body had started to mature; but he wasn’t expecting the smaller boy to charge him, however he wasn’t going to let Inuyasha have his own way and he started to retaliate.
Both boys were hauled apart and held up to eye level by the scruffs of their kimono by Inu no Taishou who had intervened before the scuffle became too heated. His face was stern but his aura was not angry.
"Inuyasha, you will apologise to Kouga for the attack; you will have to recognise that one day he will be Prince in his own right and his position will command your homage...you will be required to bow, his position will be higher than your own."
"No way, the wolf tribes are much smaller than the West; they don’t have lands like we do, and they only have small caves in their territories." Inuyasha was most indignant.
"Remember your manners pup." Was the strict reply and Inuyasha whispered his apology sheepishly. "In matters of honour and kingdoms, size has no bearing and that is true of kingdom or personage. Therefore should the King of the Worms or Ants that reside in a molehill request an audience with your king, you would be expected to give all due respect to him as befits the second of my children." Inu no Taishou kept the smile from his face that would undermine his serious lesson, but Kouga smirked at his friend’s horrified expression.
"Do you understand My Inuyasha?"
"Yes Papa."
"However Kouga is not that person yet, neither has he requested audience with me, Prince to King and he still has much to learn before he gains that respect he would deserve. Kouga, your father wished you to learn how to be wise in your rulership, and to learn when the respect offered is genuine and not just lip service. You cannot force your people or others to honour you, even if you can force their obedience. Being a ruler is a very lonely place if you cannot trust your friends and family." Inu no Taishou could tell that his words had struck home; Kouga was a nice cub, but cocky and proud, both of which he would need to rule, sometimes though he was too headstrong; but he was learning.
"I’m sorry Inuyasha; I was being rude." Kouga said; thinking that he would get the mutt face back in his own time.
"That’s okay Kouga." Inuyasha replied; thinking that he would never bow before the wimpy wolf. But neither boy was really being hostile to the other, they were in fact genuinely fond of one another; it was just how they were. Inu no Taishou released the pair with a serious admonition that they were both to heed.
"You must remember that while you are sparring or in mock battles which will arise as you reach puberty in the future Inuyasha, your normal playgrounds are inhabited by humans who may become afraid of you. In particular they are your responsibility My Son, as they live on your land and work for you. I am not to be swayed on this either, if I find my words are forgotten or unheeded, you will be forbidden to visit your farm unless you are alone...and even then..."
"I won’t forget Papa."
"I certainly will not forget; you can trust me Sire."
"Hmmm, we shall see; now go along both of you and don’t let me find out you’ve been fighting again." Inu no Taishou smiled as the boys ran off and then frowned as Kouga did a double take as he saw Michiko. The girl was only a few years younger than Inuyasha and yet as most females did, she was ahead of him developmentally; her figure was just budding into the shape of a young woman, and it would seem that she was beginning to be noticed. Ah well, any young suitor would have to face her father first, and Inu no Taishou laughed aloud at the thought.
Inuyasha would eventually look back wistfully to those days before the great changes in his life; the days before he lost, one after the other, in the space of seven short years, his three human siblings and their mates. They were by far the hardest times he had lived through, even taking into account the trauma of losing his mother, and they left an indelible impression.
Inu no Taishou had collected Inuyasha one day from the nursery where all the younger pups were playing; his face was sombre and the pup thought he was in trouble. But he was not, and Papa was quick to reassure him of the fact, whilst at the same time keeping the sense of urgency that Inuyasha listen carefully to him. Merely letting Inuyasha know that Sora needed him, Inu no Taishou took his son to his brother’s home and allowed Chouko to take him into the bedroom, while he waited in the living area.
The father heard his son’s howl of grief and waited for the scant seconds it would take Inuyasha to come rushing down to him begging for the use of Tenseiga. Sure enough his pup charged in almost before he’d finished thinking, followed at a more sedate pace due to her age by Chouko. The boy was already pleading with his father to use the sword, but Cho went over and asked Inu no Taishou if she could speak with her brother in private. This was granted and the General went outside after bidding Inuyasha to stay and listen to his sister.
With a smile greatly tinged with sadness, Cho stood in front of Inuyasha and gently gripped his arms and looked into his face and his tear bright eyes. Then she looked over his shoulder to her older brother Yori who had come in and shut the door, the rest of their relatives staying with Sora’s body and comforting each other. Cho stroked her oldest brother’s hair as she realised properly that Inuyasha was now as tall as she was and she was not very stooped in age; he could now look her straight in the eyes.
Cho also knew that he was probably about to grow again, having heard the occasional cracks in his voice that indicated his voice would break soon. Suddenly she hated what she had to do, the lot had fallen on her to explain, a few years ago; Cho was the nearest person to his mother that the boy had, and it had been to her, Inuyasha had turned when their mother died. Never mind that she had understood the Lady of the West’s taking charge of her brother, Cho still resented the fact that she could not have had Inuyasha live as if he were her son.
This child, not even yet a youth, was her older brother and at the same time he was barely older than her great grandchildren. She and Yori had always known this boy, he was a constant in their lives and they had been together longer than she had had her parents. He may only be a child, she thought, but he was a highly intelligent and proud being; therefore, Cho was mindful of his dignity as their older brother. She raised her eyes to his and asked him to sit at her feet while she spoke.
"I would rather we could have put this off for even longer, but Sora just collapsed and had passed away before anyone could reach him. If it could happen to one, it could happen to each of us and we cannot leave without you understanding."
"What’s to understand Cho? Let me go and get Papa so’s he can use Tenseiga, we are wasting time."
"No Inuyasha, Sora didn’t want you to use your father’s sword; neither do Yori and me when the time comes for us. We have talked about this; we are old My Brother, old humans and added old age will not kind to us."
"You don’t mean that Cho...Yori; you don’t mean it." They could hear the panic start in his voice and Yori came to him and spoke with him, gently but firmly.
"Neither of us wants to leave you Inuyasha, but it will be better this way. You are old enough to know that we age differently to you; you understood that when Mama passed away, but that time showed us that you are being divided all of the time and that is not fair to you. All of our children and grandchildren, you only know as the children you played with and not the adults they’ve become. And we kept it that way deliberately so that you wouldn’t have to live this sort of parting, losing loved ones time and time again. When Cho and I have left, you will have no reason to come here again until you want to run the farm yourself.
"That’s not what I want..."
"You must trust us Inuyasha, I know you are our older brother, but that is only in physical years, and they mean nothing, not in your growth or development; whether you like it or not, you are still a boy. Trust us that this is for the best, grow up without further distraction and apply yourself to your youkai heritage." Yori’s voice wavered and he grabbed Inuyasha to him with a still strong arm and the boy’s tears dampened his shirt.
That night after the funeral of his dear, gentle and softly spoken, inoffensive brother, Inuyasha spent the night cuddled up in Cho’s arms. He was unnerved, he hadn’t really known well all of the family members who attended, even when he knew their names and how they were related, and he was shy with the adults he had played with when they were all children. His sense of safety had gone too and Sora’s death had brought home to him how vulnerable his remaining human siblings were. It had made the young hanyou inconsolable when he realised how frail Cho and Yori were as they watched in silence as the pyre’s embers died away.
As the years passed, Yori and then Cho followed their brother, and within a year of each other and at least this time, Inuyasha got to say goodbye to each of them. But he wouldn’t speak to anyone after Cho had died, she was his last link to his mother and although he hadn’t fully understood it until his sister was gone, she had replaced Izayoi in his heart for a good many years. Not only was he silent and sullen, he refused to eat or come out of his room, his sister’s final words to him kept rattling around in his brain.
She had told him how proud and grateful they’d all been that they’d known him and that he was their brother, and she had begged him not to fully forget that he was half human in the years to come. She had kissed him and told him to grow straight and strong, both physically and in honour, until the day when they would all see one another again. Then just as Yori had done, she held his hand and kept him close, not letting him go, even as everyone else said their goodbyes; each of them knowing that their deaths were hardest on Inuyasha, out of all their own offspring.
The rest of the youkai family were at a bit of a loss when it came to dealing with Inuyasha’s silence and his petulant ways, even though they understood that he was grieving. None of them had had to deal with such loss as he had suffered, nor were they likely to, and so the younger ones gave him his space and talked with hushed voices near him. This though was annoying and made Inuyasha short tempered, but nobody understood his feelings and he couldn’t communicate the depth of his despair.
He was alone completely now on one side of his family and one half of himself was orphaned; his human self with its own feelings and ideas was bereft knowing that now there was nobody who could fully understand it. The tenant of the farm was his last connection with his humanity other than his own body on the moonless night; and ironically, Inuyasha felt more torn in two now than he had ever done before.
Only Sesshoumaru was able to know the true effect his siblings’ deaths had had on Inuyasha’s heart and how much at risk the young hanyou was of having a complete meltdown. The bond they shared was Inuyasha’s lifeline and when Shu offered to take him hunting for a few weeks, just the two of them, he welcomed his brother’s recommendation. Inu no Taishou had no fears this time that his younger son would be faced with a raging boar or any other danger and he gave his blessing for the trip in the hopes that Sesshoumaru would be able to help heal the hanyou.
Sesshoumaru knew that there was no way he could empathise with his little brother, but past experience taught him that it would be best to give the boy the opportunity to speak without interruption. Added to that, a hunt would enable him to get rid of the frustration and anger which were side effects of losing someone in death and emotions that Inuyasha had exhibited before. Sesshoumaru also thought that it might help his brother in another way, but that would remain to be seen.
Firstly they made a camp, which consisted of a fire for comfort and to cook on if Inuyasha wished to do so; it was also close to a hot spring pool for relaxing and cleansing after a busy hunt. Inuyasha hadn’t said much and was grateful that his brother was not one to try to coax conversation; the bond they shared was enough. Although the two boys hadn’t been on a great many hunts together, there’d been enough to know how to work as one, and Inuyasha already knew what was expected of him by Sesshoumaru.
The first night they had fish, it was quick and satisfying and enabled them to eat soon after they arrived at the hunting grounds before resting for the night. They spoke very little and settled down either side of the fire, although as the night progressed towards morning, Inuyasha crept slowly over to his brother’s tail in his sleep and was lying against it when he was awakened before sunup. Sesshoumaru made no mention of this though and they breakfasted very early on fruit, before deciding how to start their hunt for the day.
Sesshoumaru had a plan, he knew what they needed to hunt and he took Inuyasha further into the forest before coming across a clearing, misty in the early sun. Here they waited in the long grass by the edge for their prey. It was not long before a small herd of deer came into the clearing; it was a mixed group of females and young, ranging in age from the older matriarchs to the shy fawns. They would not take a nursing mother or a fawn; but there were a few small deer that were suitable and between them they decided on which to take down.
It was all over in seconds, but it was suddenly too much for the younger brother, the dead face of the deer brought back recent memories. The creature’s beautiful eyes stared blindly at him and he started to shake and pant before breaking into deep sobs and Sesshoumaru was pleased, his plan had worked. Inuyasha was well known for closing off when emotionally upset, but now he would be prepared to talk. The older brother sat down and brought Inuyasha to him enclosing him as of old in his tail and the familiar situation enabled the hanyou to explain to Sesshoumaru what Yori had said to him about not being divided anymore.
Inuyasha told him how sad and strange it made him feel to no longer have the humans to visit, as if he’d been cut off from part of himself and how much his human heart was aching and afraid. Sesshoumaru needed to think how to best answer his brother, so he told Inuyasha to wash up while he dealt with the deer. Inuyasha’s appetite was almost nonexistent, the deer’s face reminded him of Cho, but Sesshoumaru said they were not going to waste the creature’s life because of silly fancies.
However the older boy was sympathetic, he had after all known what effect the death of such a placid creature would have on Inuyasha. After they had eaten, Inuyasha broke down again, and once more Sesshoumaru held him as he had when the pup was much smaller; he raised his youkai level which always comforted his beta brother. Then he explained that any life change was daunting, but Inuyasha had family and friends who would willingly help and love him and to remember that he was never alone.
After that, the two brothers spent the next two or three weeks together and Inuyasha’s heart was slowly healed from his fear, safe with reassurances from Sesshoumaru. Only Sesshoumaru would witness his brother’s grief and know that he snuggled up as he had as a tiny pup, wrapped in his brother’s tail every night to sleep listening to Shu’s steady heartbeat. But the father of the boys could sense their aura’s and know that everything was alright and he too could relax until the next crisis, which he was certain would come when Inuyasha hit puberty.