September 2010 Week 4
Title:How It Could Have Been; ch 55, Wisdom in the Family
Author:petalears
Universe:AU
Rating:PG
Summary:Help for Inuyasha
Quote:
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it
-Billy Joel
Wisdom in the Family
During the summer holidays, Inuyasha’s perceptions changed greatly and he saw for the first time that his world was not entirely a safe place for him. The account of Xing-fu’s hanyou brother had had a profound effect on the young boy and many times over the few weeks he spent with his family, he found himself thinking about the child. There had been some form of rift too between himself and Sesshoumaru which was taking time to heal.
It had all come about during the first week of the holiday; Inuyasha was very pensive and almost every time he met up with his brother he asked him questions. The predominant one on his mind was why he should be expected to apologise to someone, when he was not in the wrong. Sesshoumaru reiterated their father’s words, to explain that Inuyasha was punished for disobedience to a direct order from his Alpha, and that the apology was for fighting and not being a good host. He further explained that it was the duty of a Prince or anyone with proper manners to swallow an insult.
Inuyasha didn’t understand and pouted which made the older brother smile; he too knew what it was like to be put in an onerous position with those who made him want to fight. He had a word of advice to his younger brother;
"Next time you have to apologise to someone and you don’t want to, just say sorry out loud and keep the rest of your thought in your head."
"What do you mean Shu, isn’t it a lie?"
"No, not if you don’t say one thing and think another; for instance you could have said, ‘my father tells me to apologise to you for fighting Xing-fu, I am an obedient son, so I will say I’m sorry.’ Then in your head you can say, ‘sorry that you are such a nasty little oik.’ Then you haven’t lied to anyone have you?"
"Wow Shu, how did you learn to do that?"
"Mama taught me once when I, like you, didn’t want to apologise against my will."
"Auntie told you?"
"Yes, she says that ladies are often put in such a position, when they have to socialise and entertain other lords and their ladies." Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha shared a wicked grin before the older brother gave the younger a warning;"Whatever you do though Inuyasha, don’t try it on any of us, we can tell and your bottom will be very sore if you don’t heed my warning."
"I won’t Shu, I wouldn’t anyway." Inuyasha was indignant now and Sesshoumaru ruffled his hair before leaving to do more work, leaving the pup to think on the new strategy. Unfortunately the next question that Inuyasha asked was when Sesshoumaru was working on a particularly intricate history scroll. It was homework set by his personal tutor and Sesshoumaru’s mind was not fully on the little brother. The pup was sitting deep in thought, by his brother’s feet as he often did and had done for all of his life; he was wrapped in and playing absently with the end of Sesshoumaru’s tail. As always his brother’s tail comforted Inuyasha, it was soft and warm and alive with his brother’s youki making the younger one feel safe.
"Why did Xing-fu’s mama not care about the hanyou Shu?"
"Hmm? He wasn’t hers I suppose, and besides which, she probably hated hanyou like most purebloods do."
"They all hated him ‘cos he was hanyou?"
"You know how full blooded youkai and humans feel about hanyou Inuyasha."
"Did you...did you feel like that Shu?"
"At first, when I found out what Papa..." Finally Sesshoumaru heard himself and remembered who he was talking too, he checked his sentence quickly, but it was too late to back track now. Inuyasha had heard him, although he had only understood the first part.
"You hated me before I was born; did you want me to die as well Shu? Would you have killed me like you wanted to do to Hanako?" Inuyasha’s voice was soft, but steady and now Sesshoumaru was alerted, he knew he had to be careful of what he said; but the older boy was still not the consummate diplomat his father was and neither was he a liar. The very fact that he didn’t immediately deny anything also spoke volumes to the small hanyou, who still sat surrounded by his brother’s youki infused tail.
"You weren’t even born Inuyasha; but yes, I did think it would be better if your mother didn’t birth you, but it was not my decision and for that I am glad. I would not have considered it once I’d seen you and come to know you." Sesshoumaru said reasonably, but he was floored by Inuyasha’s answer and also by the suddenly mature way in which the boy was speaking, even though he was upset, the words were older for the most part.
"Before I was born I was still me, Shu; you would have killed me like the panda hanyou was, with your poison wouldn’t you?"
"It is not the same Inuyasha."
"They never saw him neither, they didn’t get to know him; I don’t see a difference. What did you mean by pure, aren’t I pure then?" Inuyasha sniffed and wiped his eyes with his sleeve before carrying on. "You are pure Shu, yes? Does that mean you can kill something that isn’t, like Hanako and me, or the panda boy?"
"No, Inuyasha, it doesn’t, and it never will..." This was spiralling out of Sesshoumaru’s control.
"Yes it will, one day if you have your own pups you can decide. No one has said that Xing-fu’s Papa and Mama was wrong in what they did; that means everyone said they was allowed to kill the cub. Does pure mean everyone else is better than me Shu?"
"No one is better than you Inuyasha; and if I thought differently once, I have learned the truth since, do you understand me?" Sesshoumaru had picked the boy up and set him in his lap to ensure he got Inuyasha’s full attention. But all he got was a subdued nod from a bowed head hidden by hair, and the youkai knew that Inuyasha was insecure; he could even feel a frisson of fear and once again the pup’s youkai was unsettled.
Sesshoumaru hated being in this position, he was a decisive youkai who needed everything to be in its proper place and order; the one exception to this being his hanyou brother, who had a deep place in his heart. The older boy could always be disturbed to his core if something was amiss with Inuyasha, and he thought hard while the pup was silent; consequently he was well prepared for the next question when it came.
"What about Mama, Papa and...And Auntie?"
"If any one of them had not wanted you, you would not now be asking this question; Inuyasha we all care and love you, all the people who matter don’t care what you are, you are hanyou, and you are Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru watched as Inuyasha absorbed the reassurance, but he was concerned when the boy slid off his older brother’s lap to sit on the floor. He was even more unnerved when Inuyasha rejected Sesshoumaru’s tail which automatically went to curl around him.
"Inuyasha?"
"You loves me now Shu, but you doesn’t like hanyou; I am not pure, cos I am hanyou, so you don’t really love me, not me all." Inuyasha put his head on his knees and wailed at this revelation and didn’t notice Sesshoumaru staring at him and sitting stunned at this declaration. Suddenly Inuyasha got up and ran outside into the gardens and his brother got up slowly and went to find their father; it was imperative that Inu no Taishou know what was going on his middle son’s mind. By the time his father was found, Sesshoumaru’s youkai was distraught and berating him for upsetting Inuyasha. His father immediately assimilated all that Sesshoumaru said and went to find his second son.
Inuyasha was sitting by one of the ponds looking at his face in the still water; he didn’t look up at his Papa, even though he knew his father was there. Inu no Taishou sat down next to him and waited but Inuyasha didn’t look up; however his father was not going to allow the pup to dwell unhealthily on thoughts without some input from him.
"Sesshoumaru has told me what you said to him My Son; you think he does not love you and that has hurt him greatly."
"Silly Shu, I know he loves me, but he doesn’t like me hanyou." Was the straight but slightly confusing answer, Inu no Taishou understood that Inuyasha knew what he meant though.
"No he didn’t, not at first; but people change as they grow and come to understand more Inuyasha." His father said, he didn’t try to deny how the older boy had felt, Inuyasha was old enough for these worrying thoughts, so therefore he was old enough to hear the truth; now wasn’t the time to try and sugar coat matters.
"It makes my head hurt to think Papa and it hurts my heart, my chest gets all tight."
"Well let me ask you to listen and then do one thing for me alright?"
"Yes Papa."
"When we are born, we don’t know a lot of things do we...it is why we go to school and have to listen to our parents and teachers. While we are learning we often make mistakes and have to change our thinking. When you are as old as Sesshoumaru you will still be making mistakes, even when you are grown up it will happen, and Inuyasha, if you are wise you will still learn from them and change how you think or act. Sesshoumaru has done this and although you have had a horrid shock, I want you to think about what I’ve said now."
"I will Papa...Shu said that you never... you would never...I would not.........."
"He is right Inuyasha; I never did, not for one single, tiny, ever so small moment. I wanted you from the instant I knew you were there, inside your Mama. Now I am going to take you to your Mama now, I know it is early for your visit but I think you should talk to her. I will say goodbye to everyone here for you." Inu no Taishou picked up his son and flew to the farm where he set Inuyasha down letting him run to Izayoi. A few days apart for Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha had worked well last time there was a problem, he was hoping it would work again.
After greeting his mother, Inuyasha went to find his siblings in the barn where they were playing with the animals, and Inu no Taishou had a quick word with Izayoi explaining Inuyasha’s upset. Izayoi nodded and said that he was bound to ask questions at some point. It didn’t matter who started Inuyasha’s ball of doubt rolling, it was up to all of them if they could, to try to stop it for him, Izayoi included of course. The Daiyoukai inclined his head and left and Izayoi went indoors to make the meal for the family with Toshi’s help, which would include some of Inuyasha’s favourites.
Meanwhile in the barn, Inuyasha was confronting another change; he’d been talking to the twins and been introduced to the new animals when a stranger came up to him and grabbed him from behind. Inuyasha barely had time to react, before the man laughed at him and tweaked his ears familiarly. He didn’t threaten Inuyasha, and the twins were still grinning when the man’s scent reached Inuyasha senses.
"Yori?" He squeaked and with Yori’s laughter ringing in his ears, he was tossed into the air and caught before being hugged tightly. Now he could see his sixteen year old brother properly, Inuyasha could tell that he was not yet a man full grown, but a good looking and strong youth who promised to fill out into a tall, well built man. When had this happened, it was true that he hadn’t seen a great deal of Yori in the past year as the boy had been working on the farm more than playing, but he was now a head and more taller than Inuyasha. This made the hanyou re-consider the twins; to his shock, both Sora and Chouko were also a shade taller than him.
Inuyasha was shaken, his sister Michiko was the same height as he and yet she was also sixteen like Yori, whereas the twins were only twelve. To complete the young hanyou’s confusion, when Yori spoke, his voice too had deepened into masculinity and suddenly Inuyasha was shy of the young man, until he smiled and then began to wind him up;
"Come on kids, it’ll soon be tea-time; go and wash up and make sure your hands are really clean." He watched fondly as the twins ran on ahead and then he smirked at Inuyasha."That included you too Inuyasha, you know Mama doesn’t like the smell of farmyard at the table."
"I’m not a kid to you Yori, I is...am the eldest." Inuyasha corrected himself. Yori smiled at him again;
"So you are child; I was forgetting." Yori patted his older brother on the head condescendingly and raced off calling, "You still must get washed Inuyasha, big brother or not; Race you to the table." And he was nearly gone before Inuyasha was over his shock. But at the evening meal, Inuyasha saw to his surprise that everyone deferred to Yori as if he were the older brother now; he and his father spoke of adult concerns with the farm and even his mother listened when Yori spoke about trade deals and other things that Inuyasha didn’t understand.
The final straw for making the evening strange was when Yori asked to leave the table so that he could go and get ready to meet Kaoru, the girl he was going to marry. She was going to come over to stay for the whole of the next day to meet Inuyasha and Yori said that Kaoru was looking forward to it, having heard all about the boy from his brothers and sister. How could Yori be old enough to get married, he was younger than Inuyasha and much younger than Shu who wasn’t even courting yet?
The clear open eyes showed all, especially to his mother and Izayoi could see her eldest son was bewildered; so after the meal she took him aside into her own room and pulled him close. However strange it seemed to her to have one son who was betrothed and another who was actually the eldest more like her youngest, Izayoi was unperturbed. Her children all needed her and she was adaptable, but this one had a harder road to travel sometimes than any of the others. Inuyasha scrambled into her lap, needing her reassuring scent to calm him and although he was really a bit too big for her now, she would never turn him away.
"You are puzzled and unhappy My Little Son; I think it is time for us to talk and clear up a few things. Do you want to ask me anything?"
"What happened to Yori, Mama, how did he get big like that, he is big like Shu?" This was Inuyasha’s immediate concern. How to answer him without him becoming afraid? Izayoi had had many years to think on this dilemma.
"Different beings mature at different times Inuyasha; do you remember the foal you saw just before Hanako was born? Watching Inuyasha nod his head, she carried on; "well he became a father last week; do you understand what I am saying lovey? Humans mature faster than youkai, which is why your brother and soon the twins will seem bigger and older than you. Your youkai blood is stronger than human blood and is making you develop at the rate of your youkai siblings, but I’m sorry to say your human half is going to make you smaller than them; but perhaps not by much."
"You mean that I am going to be like the baby instead of the eldest Mama?"
"Don’t worry about it Inuyasha, it is just the way it will be, it won’t matter to them at all." She didn’t say that he would soon be the baby out of any nieces or nephews he had as well, that would have been just too much for him to swallow. But she had more to say to him; Your Papa said you had had trouble from a boy at school Inuyasha, I want you to tell me please, because I understand what he said has upset you and also Sesshoumaru." Izayoi held him tight and kissed his head; she wanted to make things right for the two boys and was in a unique position to do so.
Inuyasha could always talk to Mama; she was safe and his youkai’s first knowledge of security. And so all of the insecurities came out in the telling, from Xing-fu’s assertion that Inuyasha wasn’t wanted at either home because he was hanyou, to the death of the hanyou cub, and that Shu had not wanted him either because of what he was. Well, Mama put him straight immediately about him not being wanted, it was obvious that he was welcome and loved in both of his homes and Inuyasha anyway knew that the panda had been lying about that. It only left Sesshoumaru for Mama to sort out now.
"What did your Papa say about Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha?"
"That he was still learning and could make mistakes and that he did want me even though I was hanyou."
"He did too; I remember very well, which is something your Papa doesn’t and neither does your Auntie. I will tell you the story at bedtime Inuyasha and remember, just because you don’t like something at first doesn’t mean you always will not. You were jealous of Michiko when she was a baby in Sesshoumaru’s care, remember? Do you feel the same way now? Would you like Michiko to think you didn’t like her anymore? Go and think how your older brother is feeling now. You have an hour before bedtime to think on your Papa’s words to you."
Inuyasha did go and think as much as he could, and then it was bath time followed swiftly by bed. In the rooms down the passage, Inuyasha could hear his parents and Yori talking still, before Izayoi came to see him and tell him the promised story.
"This story is one you know very well, but you haven’t heard it from my side yet." Izayoi looked down on her sleepy son and smiled lovingly at him. Once upon a time, a great king was waiting for his new son to be born. Not everyone was happy that the princess was going to have a baby, and there were lots of problems, but soon it was time. The great king came to make sure the princess was protected and he rescued her from death just after she had the baby. He was so proud of both the mother and child and the first thing he said was to name the baby Inuyasha.
"But the great king was in danger and badly wounded, and the building started to collapse above him. It was all the princess could do to throw a barrier around the king and hope to hold him safe beneath it. But she had her baby too and she had not even had the chance to feed him, still he was patient and soon his big brother came to help. The new mother put her beloved baby in the arms of his brother, because she knew that the young prince would not hurt the boy.
"Although he didn’t know if he was now fatherless, the young prince looked after the baby very tenderly, even though he had never even held one before. He didn’t have any other brothers and sisters back then. It took a long time before the king could come out of the barrier and be healed, and all of that time the new mama had a lot to do, so the young prince looked after all of the needs of the baby and only gave him to the mama when he needed feeding.
"The mama watched all of the time, she saw how great the love was between these brothers, she saw the care that the older one took of the younger, and she has seen over the years that if one of them is hurt or unhappy, then so is the other. I have seen this myself from your earliest moments Inuyasha, from the time when you were always wrapped in his tail when he attended meetings. I understand your hurt from the panda, but you have no right to malign, that means say bad things to or about Sesshoumaru.
"You two have a very special bond and I saw it start and grow even before your Papa did, because he was injured and away for a whole year. It was only your brother and you and I for a long time and I know it made no difference to him what you were; you have always been his brother, no matter what. How he felt before you were born is immaterial, it is only how he has been since that matters, and you can have no doubt of that, can you?"
"Have I upset Shu?"
"Yes Inuyasha, you have, but he understands; I am hoping you can understand too and let him know you don’t doubt him anymore. Can you do that? See if tomorrow sheds some light for you and talk to me again, but now it is time to sleep."
Inuyasha had much to think about, but now he was tired and missing Shu, he hated to think of his brother as unhappy; but he was also a sensible little boy and was prepared to trust the adults who loved him, even if he was not quite satisfied in his mind.