(no subject)
i'm so afraid of fucking everything up. my life is an emotional rollercoaster and i can't seem to make myself get off the fucking ride. I hate myself so truely and deeply at times i can't stop crying. But other times i'm so happy. sometimes i realize how good i've got it and i wish i'd stop forgetting. I wish i'd stop sabotaging my relationships when i get stressed, i cry worthlessly and i'm afraid of losing it all. I've been skipping too much class and now i've gotten so far i'm paranoid some professor is going to accuse me of missing too many classes and will fail me and i'll have fucked everyhitng up. god. why do i have to make everythign an issue. just fucking chill. i hate being so high stress. I want more than anyhting for the next two weeks to be over wiht, i want to be able to sleep soundly at night again. but i'm nervous about everything. EVERYTHING. i'm so paranoid i'm going to fuck everything up and my parents will be so disappointed. yeah nothing is going to happen i'm fine... so why don't i feel fine today. I swear i was so content yesterday... god i was on cloud nine, but nope today i just feel off.... like something really fucking bad is going to happen any minute, i'm just waiting for it....i hate this. I just want the stress to be over with. i don't want to loose him again. FUCK.