Who am I?
This is an entry that's probably long overdue. I have a talent for introspection, but it's been a long time since I wrote any of that down. And it's about time to make a public statement of who and what I really am. So, below, I've tried to present myself, as simply, clearly, and honestly as I can. There will obviously be biases, and information that I just plain forgot - you're invited to comment to point these out, ask questions, etc. (Anonymous comments welcome; but please indicate who you are so I don't have to track down your IP.)
I've tried to create some structure, but it's going to be a little disjointed anyway.
I am...
~a dragon. In some way, I am, or am strongly connected to, an entity that I can only describe as a dragon. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how, and which parts of me are dragon, which human, and what happened to make me this way.
~very sensitive to subtleties. A lot of things I write have layers of meaning - with one paragraph, I can say three things to three different people, that no one else would pick up. I enjoy creating small riddles for people, such as choosing a song whose lyrics send a message to someone, and using that as the music for an entry. By the same token, I tend to read a lot into what others do and say, and tend to hurt a lot because of that.
~quick-tempered. My anger burns hot and fast, then cools nearly as quickly. I have difficulty holding a grudge, though if one person angers me repeatedly I'm likely to distance myself from him or her. Sometimes I don't know why I get upset - seemingly innocent remarks or actions can set off my temper one day, but the next nothing will. I shout and scream and want to hit things when I'm mad, and often say things I later regret because I don't really mean them.
~very forgiving. This goes with the temper - because I get lost in my anger, I readily accept that others do things they don't mean while they're upset. Again, though, if one person consistently gives me trouble, I'll be less likely to forgive them.
~very loyal to those I care about. I always feel terrible when I've hurt someone I care for, and feel nearly as bad when they're upset for any reason. My friends are the family I've created for myself, and they mean a lot to me. I do everything I can to be there for them and help them.
~the type of person who can sometimes make friends instantly. It often happens that I start talking to someone in context of a game or the like, and end up becoming really good friends with them very quickly. The first time I talked to my best friend (we'd met previously, but didn't really talk), we stayed up for hours just talking - and knew by the next day that we would be close friends.
~stubborn. If I feel justified, I will cling to an idea or position in the face of any opposition. It often gets me in trouble, but as long as I feel that I have a valid point or reason, I will stand firm.
~rather impulsive. I have a tendency to do a lot of things on the spur of the moment, rather than giving them the consideration they require. Sometimes, in an effort to counter this, I go the other way and spend too long deliberating.
~procrastinatory. I feel good when I have things done, but have trouble motivating myself to get them done.
I believe...
~in magic. There is an energy created by all life, associated with all matter, that can be manipulated with concentration and willpower to effect changes in the world. It is not inherently good or evil. The Aristotelian elements (earth, air, fire, and water) are a convenient way to think of the different aspects of magic, but are only a convention, and happen to be the one I chose to use. (I connect most with water - healing, strong emotions, the moon, and psychism.) I choose to regard manipulative magic as bad and healing magic as good, but I understand that it is an arbitrary distinction.
~in a form of karma or balance, especially in connection with magic. I don't think that all you do comes back threefold, but I do believe that there is a reaction for every action. I believe that most of the time, if you do something good for someone else, something good will happen to you in return.
~that if there is a god or gods who created everything, he, she, it, or they are no longer directly interfering in our daily lives. I believe that any and all miracles and other events usually attributed to divinities were not caused by the same force that created the universe - directly. I believe that all the different gods humans believe in have power, because our belief gives them power - sometimes enough to cause noticeable effects in the waking world.
~that holding two contradictory beliefs about the world does not always make you a hypocrite. There are some things that are just too much for the human mind to comprehend, and so we will never know the truth. If we take it all on faith anyway, who's to say that we're not all right in some way?
I value...
~my friends and the friendship and love they have given me. Just seeing a friend can cheer me immensely, and I hold friendship to be the most precious gift that can be given or received. I love all of my friends very much, and hope they know that.
~honesty. I understand the difficulties inherent in being completely honest, and can forgive lapses in honesty if I understand the reasoning - but I very much prefer to be told the truth, and I do my best to tell others the truth. I would rather hear that I am disliked than live under the illusion that I am welcome.
~loyalty. This goes along with honesty - if you call yourself my friend, I expect that you will follow through on it, and be there when I need you. I don't mean mindless, unthinking devotion, but a dedication to helping things work out for the best.
~respect. It sounds very elementary, but it sometimes isn't. I try to grant everyone respect, even if I'm meeting them for the first time, and expect it in return. This includes respecting my rights, my body, my opinions, and my feelings.
~consistency in words and actions. No one likes a hypocrite.
I like...
~the sea. I grew up inland, several hours from the ocean, and fell in love with it the first time I saw it. I could spend the rest of my life in and near the water.
~music. My tastes range all over the place, but music touches my soul in a way that the other arts don't. I play music as much as I can, even while I sleep.
~books. A good novel makes me forget my problems for a while, and introduces me to new worlds and people. My books are my escape, and also an inspiration.
~jigsaw puzzles. Puzzles provide a unique sort of creative kick for me, because while my hands are busy fitting pieces, the majority of my mind is free to mull over a problem or formulate a story. I often wish I could somehow transcribe my thoughts while I puzzle, because I come up with some really amazing stuff - but never hold on to it long enough to write down.
~long hair on guys. I don't know exactly why, I just do. I guess because it's fun to play with, and because guys usually just keep it clean and brushed - not many dye or style their hair beyond a part and/or ponytail, so it looks more natural than most girls' long hair.
I dislike...
~being seasick. It's the downside of a good sense of balance - a sensitive inner ear hates the motion of the waves. I get mildly motion-sick in cars, airplanes, and on amusement park rides, but it's worst by far at sea.
~being sick. It dulls or erases my sense of smell, and sometimes affects my hearing, both of which mess me up pretty badly. And I have the misfortune of getting bronchitis in the winter every odd-numbered year, usually in January or early February. Ugh.
~hypocrites. Fairly self-explanatory.
~walking on pavement. Stone is easier on my feet, and grass/dirt easier still.
I like people who...
~are able to change mood and tone with the situation. There are times to be funny and times to be serious - being able to recognize them both and switch modes of discussion is a big plus.
~accept me as I am, without asking me to change, even if they don't really understand me. I won't stop being draconic just because you don't believe in it, so stop trying and learn to deal with me as I am.
~can hold an intelligent conversation with me, and hold up their end reasonably well. I'm not talking MENSA-level intellect or anything, just the ability to communicate what you know effectively. A large vocabulary is a big help, because I tend to talk like a dictionary sometimes.
~use reasonably good English online. On messengers, I expect and don't mind a few typos, missing capitals/punctuation, and some sloppy sentences - but I do expect recognizable spelling and spelled-out words. None of this "l33t" or "u for you" stuff. It's even worse on LJ/email/message boards - there, try to at least look like an essay, even if it doesn't read like one. (This is a major pet peeve. I do make exceptions, but most of them have damn good reason (like dyslexia).)
My position on...
~abortion: a compromise. The mother's physical and emotional welfare should come first, but in most cases the child should be born and given for adoption if it's not wanted. If the mother is likely to die in birth, or if bearing the child would be more traumatic than aborting (child of rape, for instance), abortion should be a viable option. I also think that if the mother would not want to give up a child, but has no reasonable means of supporting it and giving it a good life, abortion should be considered. (A high school or college mother, unmarried, no income - what kind of life would that kid have?) I don't believe any life should be taken unnecessarily, but there are some reasons that tilt the scale.
~politics: get it away from me. I'm not fond of any politician, and dislike power plays of any kind except imaginary. I enjoy reading about fantasy politics, or playing with them in an online game, but when I see people in my group of friends start machinating and plotting, I'm just sickened. I can play the game enough to keep myself from getting too badly hurt by other's plots, but prefer to stay out of a position of major power. (I make an excellent second-in-command, but a rather poor leader.) I feel underinformed about the politics of my town, state, and country, so would prefer not to vote than to vote randomly.
~relationships: love is love, and should be expressed. I'm all for gay marriage, and would be equally for polygamous unions. I believe that polyamory and polygamy can work very well, and can provide more support for children than traditional two-parent homes - but poly relationships can go sour too. I believe there should be some form of contract that anyone could enter into - not marriage, but something with a few of the legal privileges. (Like hospital visitation rights, and limited decision-making abilities.) Any two people over a given age (probably 18, possibly 16) who wanted to could enter such a contract, legally granting each other a fraction of the rights of a married couple, but without the connotations or expectations of true marriage. The contracts would also either need to be renewed every so often (a few years?) and/or would be cancelable by either party at any time, for any or no reason.
If I missed anything important, or there's something else you'd like to know about me, please feel free to get in touch. Commenting is easiest, but my other information is in my user info. (If you email or IM, mention my LJ so I don't accidentally treat you like spam.)
I've tried to create some structure, but it's going to be a little disjointed anyway.
I am...
~a dragon. In some way, I am, or am strongly connected to, an entity that I can only describe as a dragon. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how, and which parts of me are dragon, which human, and what happened to make me this way.
~very sensitive to subtleties. A lot of things I write have layers of meaning - with one paragraph, I can say three things to three different people, that no one else would pick up. I enjoy creating small riddles for people, such as choosing a song whose lyrics send a message to someone, and using that as the music for an entry. By the same token, I tend to read a lot into what others do and say, and tend to hurt a lot because of that.
~quick-tempered. My anger burns hot and fast, then cools nearly as quickly. I have difficulty holding a grudge, though if one person angers me repeatedly I'm likely to distance myself from him or her. Sometimes I don't know why I get upset - seemingly innocent remarks or actions can set off my temper one day, but the next nothing will. I shout and scream and want to hit things when I'm mad, and often say things I later regret because I don't really mean them.
~very forgiving. This goes with the temper - because I get lost in my anger, I readily accept that others do things they don't mean while they're upset. Again, though, if one person consistently gives me trouble, I'll be less likely to forgive them.
~very loyal to those I care about. I always feel terrible when I've hurt someone I care for, and feel nearly as bad when they're upset for any reason. My friends are the family I've created for myself, and they mean a lot to me. I do everything I can to be there for them and help them.
~the type of person who can sometimes make friends instantly. It often happens that I start talking to someone in context of a game or the like, and end up becoming really good friends with them very quickly. The first time I talked to my best friend (we'd met previously, but didn't really talk), we stayed up for hours just talking - and knew by the next day that we would be close friends.
~stubborn. If I feel justified, I will cling to an idea or position in the face of any opposition. It often gets me in trouble, but as long as I feel that I have a valid point or reason, I will stand firm.
~rather impulsive. I have a tendency to do a lot of things on the spur of the moment, rather than giving them the consideration they require. Sometimes, in an effort to counter this, I go the other way and spend too long deliberating.
~procrastinatory. I feel good when I have things done, but have trouble motivating myself to get them done.
I believe...
~in magic. There is an energy created by all life, associated with all matter, that can be manipulated with concentration and willpower to effect changes in the world. It is not inherently good or evil. The Aristotelian elements (earth, air, fire, and water) are a convenient way to think of the different aspects of magic, but are only a convention, and happen to be the one I chose to use. (I connect most with water - healing, strong emotions, the moon, and psychism.) I choose to regard manipulative magic as bad and healing magic as good, but I understand that it is an arbitrary distinction.
~in a form of karma or balance, especially in connection with magic. I don't think that all you do comes back threefold, but I do believe that there is a reaction for every action. I believe that most of the time, if you do something good for someone else, something good will happen to you in return.
~that if there is a god or gods who created everything, he, she, it, or they are no longer directly interfering in our daily lives. I believe that any and all miracles and other events usually attributed to divinities were not caused by the same force that created the universe - directly. I believe that all the different gods humans believe in have power, because our belief gives them power - sometimes enough to cause noticeable effects in the waking world.
~that holding two contradictory beliefs about the world does not always make you a hypocrite. There are some things that are just too much for the human mind to comprehend, and so we will never know the truth. If we take it all on faith anyway, who's to say that we're not all right in some way?
I value...
~my friends and the friendship and love they have given me. Just seeing a friend can cheer me immensely, and I hold friendship to be the most precious gift that can be given or received. I love all of my friends very much, and hope they know that.
~honesty. I understand the difficulties inherent in being completely honest, and can forgive lapses in honesty if I understand the reasoning - but I very much prefer to be told the truth, and I do my best to tell others the truth. I would rather hear that I am disliked than live under the illusion that I am welcome.
~loyalty. This goes along with honesty - if you call yourself my friend, I expect that you will follow through on it, and be there when I need you. I don't mean mindless, unthinking devotion, but a dedication to helping things work out for the best.
~respect. It sounds very elementary, but it sometimes isn't. I try to grant everyone respect, even if I'm meeting them for the first time, and expect it in return. This includes respecting my rights, my body, my opinions, and my feelings.
~consistency in words and actions. No one likes a hypocrite.
I like...
~the sea. I grew up inland, several hours from the ocean, and fell in love with it the first time I saw it. I could spend the rest of my life in and near the water.
~music. My tastes range all over the place, but music touches my soul in a way that the other arts don't. I play music as much as I can, even while I sleep.
~books. A good novel makes me forget my problems for a while, and introduces me to new worlds and people. My books are my escape, and also an inspiration.
~jigsaw puzzles. Puzzles provide a unique sort of creative kick for me, because while my hands are busy fitting pieces, the majority of my mind is free to mull over a problem or formulate a story. I often wish I could somehow transcribe my thoughts while I puzzle, because I come up with some really amazing stuff - but never hold on to it long enough to write down.
~long hair on guys. I don't know exactly why, I just do. I guess because it's fun to play with, and because guys usually just keep it clean and brushed - not many dye or style their hair beyond a part and/or ponytail, so it looks more natural than most girls' long hair.
I dislike...
~being seasick. It's the downside of a good sense of balance - a sensitive inner ear hates the motion of the waves. I get mildly motion-sick in cars, airplanes, and on amusement park rides, but it's worst by far at sea.
~being sick. It dulls or erases my sense of smell, and sometimes affects my hearing, both of which mess me up pretty badly. And I have the misfortune of getting bronchitis in the winter every odd-numbered year, usually in January or early February. Ugh.
~hypocrites. Fairly self-explanatory.
~walking on pavement. Stone is easier on my feet, and grass/dirt easier still.
I like people who...
~are able to change mood and tone with the situation. There are times to be funny and times to be serious - being able to recognize them both and switch modes of discussion is a big plus.
~accept me as I am, without asking me to change, even if they don't really understand me. I won't stop being draconic just because you don't believe in it, so stop trying and learn to deal with me as I am.
~can hold an intelligent conversation with me, and hold up their end reasonably well. I'm not talking MENSA-level intellect or anything, just the ability to communicate what you know effectively. A large vocabulary is a big help, because I tend to talk like a dictionary sometimes.
~use reasonably good English online. On messengers, I expect and don't mind a few typos, missing capitals/punctuation, and some sloppy sentences - but I do expect recognizable spelling and spelled-out words. None of this "l33t" or "u for you" stuff. It's even worse on LJ/email/message boards - there, try to at least look like an essay, even if it doesn't read like one. (This is a major pet peeve. I do make exceptions, but most of them have damn good reason (like dyslexia).)
My position on...
~abortion: a compromise. The mother's physical and emotional welfare should come first, but in most cases the child should be born and given for adoption if it's not wanted. If the mother is likely to die in birth, or if bearing the child would be more traumatic than aborting (child of rape, for instance), abortion should be a viable option. I also think that if the mother would not want to give up a child, but has no reasonable means of supporting it and giving it a good life, abortion should be considered. (A high school or college mother, unmarried, no income - what kind of life would that kid have?) I don't believe any life should be taken unnecessarily, but there are some reasons that tilt the scale.
~politics: get it away from me. I'm not fond of any politician, and dislike power plays of any kind except imaginary. I enjoy reading about fantasy politics, or playing with them in an online game, but when I see people in my group of friends start machinating and plotting, I'm just sickened. I can play the game enough to keep myself from getting too badly hurt by other's plots, but prefer to stay out of a position of major power. (I make an excellent second-in-command, but a rather poor leader.) I feel underinformed about the politics of my town, state, and country, so would prefer not to vote than to vote randomly.
~relationships: love is love, and should be expressed. I'm all for gay marriage, and would be equally for polygamous unions. I believe that polyamory and polygamy can work very well, and can provide more support for children than traditional two-parent homes - but poly relationships can go sour too. I believe there should be some form of contract that anyone could enter into - not marriage, but something with a few of the legal privileges. (Like hospital visitation rights, and limited decision-making abilities.) Any two people over a given age (probably 18, possibly 16) who wanted to could enter such a contract, legally granting each other a fraction of the rights of a married couple, but without the connotations or expectations of true marriage. The contracts would also either need to be renewed every so often (a few years?) and/or would be cancelable by either party at any time, for any or no reason.
If I missed anything important, or there's something else you'd like to know about me, please feel free to get in touch. Commenting is easiest, but my other information is in my user info. (If you email or IM, mention my LJ so I don't accidentally treat you like spam.)