I'm Sorry I Had A Bad day Again
So here I am trying to live a normal life still and it just isn't happening. I want to be li1ke everyone else but I'm constantly worrying and my insomnia has now hit full force to the point where I count laying in bed staring at the ceiling as me sleeping. October 3rd will be 3 years since I was raped and every year I just hope the pain and memories will just leave but they can't. They started going away but about a months ago I got some bad news which was recently confirmed and they just all came back. I need to get out of Michigan away from all the memories.
There's a lot about me I hide from people or despertly attemp to. When you're damaged good people look at you differently and honestly you look at yourself different as well. My attempts to drink, smoke, or fuck it all away.. doesnt work. I'm not one to hate but there are a few people I would love to have never existed including myself sometimes. I know this all sounds emo as fuck but you know even your closest friends you like to get away from every now and then? Wouldnt it be wonderful to be able to step out of your own skin and away from your daily thoughts every now and then too?
My mom has been freaking out about all of this and my dad honestly doesnt give two shits left over either way. I always fake these smiles and make everyone laugh because in a wierd small way it makes things a little bit better from the damaged I cause in the world. When I dance is the only time I feel pretty which is quite fucked up I'll admit too. Whats that old qoute? "No hope for the broken hearted" ? What if you were born with a heart who's only use was to break and break others? ♥ what good is a heart that will only get damaged and damage in return? I miss the numb feeling from the days and nights of addyrol right now. Thats all for now. Tommorow drinking this away at Kyles yayy!!!
Andi
There's a lot about me I hide from people or despertly attemp to. When you're damaged good people look at you differently and honestly you look at yourself different as well. My attempts to drink, smoke, or fuck it all away.. doesnt work. I'm not one to hate but there are a few people I would love to have never existed including myself sometimes. I know this all sounds emo as fuck but you know even your closest friends you like to get away from every now and then? Wouldnt it be wonderful to be able to step out of your own skin and away from your daily thoughts every now and then too?
My mom has been freaking out about all of this and my dad honestly doesnt give two shits left over either way. I always fake these smiles and make everyone laugh because in a wierd small way it makes things a little bit better from the damaged I cause in the world. When I dance is the only time I feel pretty which is quite fucked up I'll admit too. Whats that old qoute? "No hope for the broken hearted" ? What if you were born with a heart who's only use was to break and break others? ♥ what good is a heart that will only get damaged and damage in return? I miss the numb feeling from the days and nights of addyrol right now. Thats all for now. Tommorow drinking this away at Kyles yayy!!!
Andi