I Hate You - Chapter 55
Title: I Hate You - Chapter 55
Fandom: FMA
Pairing RoyxEd
Author: inugrlrayn
Rating: NC-17
Author's Note: Sorry for being lame and taking forever to finish this chapter. I've been sidetracked with my other projects.
All Parts Here
Dark. It was so very dark. There was nothing but impenetrable black before his eyes, solid stone beneath his fingers, cold seeping through the thin material of his prison garb. His head throbbed, wave after wave washing over him, drowning him in nausea. He could have been wrong about that part. It might have been the kick to the gut responsible for that.
Ed lay on icy tiles, curled up against the pain and wondering when he’d ever thought this was all a good idea. He wanted, needed, would have begged to go home at that point, but his pleas fell upon steel walls and nothingness that taunted him at every turn.
He could have been blind and would not know it. Perhaps he’d died and this was his eternal torment for a lifetime of sins that could never be forgiven. He refused to cry and struggled against madness that was a not so distant memory.
There had to be something, anything for him to hang on to. Jessy, of course Jessy was out there helping, doing whatever she could to make this go away. Even after the horrible thing he’d done to her, the horrible thing that alchemist had made him do, she still stood by. He hoped Roy was keeping Al out of this mess, but was fairly certain his brother would be insisting on doing anything he could.
Then there was Roy. Roy had figured this out, would get him out of here soon, Ed was sure. He didn’t know though, if it would be soon enough. He could feel sanity slip away in leaps and bounds, nothing anchoring it here in the dark.
Think about something good, something that isn’t here. Think about what makes you happy.
Ed ordered himself as if he could reverse the situation by willpower alone. He focused on Roy because he could count on Roy, who’d been right there with him through the entire mess. He focused on Roy whose fingers he could still feel on his skin, whose lips felt like crushed velvet.
If he poured all of himself into focusing on that, on the way Roy’s hands had lingered over his skin when he’d come to visit earlier, perhaps he could drown out the misery that threatened to bleed into his very being.
His own fingers were warm as they slid over his arms, and he could almost, almost believe they were Roy’s hands touching him, offering heat and comfort and tenderness Ed no longer knew.
He could almost believe those were Roy’s hands that rubbed at his back, sliding awkwardly as Ed’s arms wrapped around his front. Ed closed his eyes and there in the dark was a kind, pale face, lips quirked in a gentle smile, two dark, perfect eyes focused on him and him alone.
There were whispers against his ear, his name, and love, and all that was beautiful and worth fighting for, echoing at the back of his mind. Ed tilted his head back, and shadows of nights spent in better places passed over, lips bubbling fire and lust against his neck, nails that caressed his flesh with memories, a shade of his lover with a hand over his own, and he sank into Roy’s touches, helpless and desperate for something to cling to. Palms slid down his belly, over his hips, smaller than Roy’s, but he could pretend all the same.
Another time, Ed might have had the energy to be angry about his pants being a little too big, hanging loosely upon his hip bones. Now, though, his eyes were shut in focus, forcing himself to believe he wasn’t buried in darkness, that his only company was not smooth, cold stone beneath him, against his back. A delicate hand slid past his waistline, and he forced away the truth that it was only his own.
“Make me know it’s real,” Ed pleaded, clinging tighter to the man beside him.
“Real enough?” Roy asked, pressing their lips together tenderly.
Ed wanted to say yes. He wanted to say that simply being in the arms of a person he’d come to care for, that soft kisses and a comforting embrace were enough to sooth his fears. It wasn’t enough though, and he sadly shook his head.
It had been long ago, but it was real. Roy had pulled him through so much, if he could just bring that moment back, he was sure he’d be alright.
Automail fingers pushed at the edges of Roy’s uniform and the older man obliged, pulling the offending article of clothing from his body. The button down shirt beneath soon followed and as soon as his chest was bare, Ed resumed clinging to the man, barely giving Roy space to pull of his tank top.
They stayed like that for a long time, Ed’s face buried against Roy’s neck, warm breath making the older man shiver as his fingers combed through long strands of golden hair, his other hand rubbing gentle circles down his companion’s spine.
These were the moments Ed was fighting for. These were the things he needed to hold onto, soft kisses and touches and all he could lose himself in. He relaxed in something tentatively leaning towards content, hand stroking lazily, mind shrouded in memory.
Roy’s fingers, working lazy circles along the back of Ed’s automail shoulder, just along the place where metal ended and human flesh began, mapped their way down the young man’s narrow back, tracing each scar along the way like landmarks on the path home.
Ed groaned in pleasure when warm hands brushed over a sensitive spot at the base of his spine, sparking something within him. There was a fire long since gone that had been fanned back to life, and something of what Ed should be happily returned.
Ed arched his back, drinking in a caress he’d burned into his skin and mind. He bit his lip in pleasure, allowing reality to slip away just a little longer.
There was a desperate feeling when Ed’s lips found his, as if he was struggling for something to hold on to. A human hand traced over his chest, feeling him out in the dark. There were no pretenses as fingers drifted further down, worrying the buttons on his shirt loose as they went. He hardly paused when he reached Roy’s waistline, flicking button open and practically prying the material off of the man.
Ed shivered in the dark, hand moving faster, squirming at his own illusions. Trembling, pleasured sighs dripped from his lips, the only sound in the room, his breath catching at every thrust of his hips.
It felt like drowning, to not have this for so long and then to get it in spades. The kisses were suffocating he couldn’t breathe and god he’d missed the sensation. Somehow, there was nothing better than dying inside at Roy’s hands. It was always different, but always the same, a little piece of heaven in his hellish existence.
Ed gasped as Roy’s fingers found their way into him, first one, then two. It didn’t hurt, the digits already slicked.
It was a pleasant delusion and Ed allowed himself the mirage of contact that deep down he had to know not to be his own. There was nothing to ease the friction, but just then he didn’t care, preferring the pain to the truth of here and now. He pumped a hand faster to distract from the ache of sliding one finger inside himself.
He sucked in a breath as Roy pulled his hand away, only to replace it with something else, sliding neatly into the smaller body beneath him. Ed moaned at the contact, tilting his head back, leaving his neck exposed to the tender kisses and nibbles that fell from Roy’s lips.
Then Roy was moving faster. The pleasant burn within Ed escalated into a searing heat and he struggled to hold onto reality, wishing only to hold onto this precious moment of truth, to capture in still frame everything that was just then.
Ed whimpered, head tilted back as if crying to the heavens. Everything was broken, panicked movement, an obstinate refusal to relinquish his imaginary heaven.
Without warning it was over. The moment shattered in a hollow cry, perhaps his name as Roy tensed against him, and Ed kissed him in an effort to swallow the sound. It was enough to send the younger alchemist over the edge and he arched against Roy for a moment before collapsing beneath him.
His heaven had a crack in its clouds, and a final catching of breath, a silent plea sent him tumbling towards earth, crashing against what was true and real once more. He recoiled from his own efforts in disgust. There was no pleasure to be found in this place, and yet he had. His body still thrummed in acknowledgement.
There were no whispers or kisses, no touches and no arms around him to lull him to sleep. There was only an empty room, brimming in darkness and misery and guilt. There was only a throbbing headache, and a sickness in his stomach, cold liquid still dripping from his fingers.
X
He awoke to someone nudging him with what might have been a shoe.
“Wake up,” the gruff voice ordered, and Ed forced himself up, shuddering at sharp pain that echoed through his head, piercing deeper in the light that flickered through the open doorway.
“Time to get you cleaned up so they can decide what to do with you,” the warden grumbled, grabbing Ed by the arm and hauling him unsteadily to his feet.
No mind was paid to the stains wiped away on his garments, to his disheveled hair. It didn’t surprise Ed, really. There was no note given to the bruises on his belly or the knot on his head either.
He nearly slipped, shoved into the empty shower room, and he gave up any hope that he’d at least have some privacy when the warden stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
The water was frigid and his flesh prickled at the contact. He winced as he ran fingers and shampoo through his hair, both at accidently swiping the knot on his head and at the sheer amount of grease and dirt that had collected in it. That Roy had touched him at all the day before (was it the day before? He couldn’t be sure if it had been hours or weeks in that room) considering he could hardly stand to touch himself now.
The shampoo left his hair squeaky and rough, and the soap was no better, gritty and harsh against his skin. Still, it was better than being dirty, and he frowned when the warden called out to him to hurry up already.
When he was finished, the warden shoved his uniform at him, something about not wanting the committee to be swayed in their decision by the associations people made with prison garb. It at least fit properly, which was more than he could say for anything else he’d been in lately. He raked his hair into a high ponytail and allowed himself to be cuffed once more, praying the whole way to the transport car that Roy had found a way to save him, to convince them all of the truth.
X
Roy wanted to hit someone, at the very least. Randalf had brushed him off, ignoring his finding as some sort of misdirected attempt at putting the blame somewhere other than where it belonged.
Jessy had said something about notebooks on the Major’s desk, and he knew, knew what they were. They would get them back and things would be alright, but there was still a matter of doing it in time. That was looking less and less likely.
“How am I supposed to defend him? The array alone doesn’t prove anything. Anyone could have put that there, and until I have something else, Ed’s got no hope,” Jessy seethed, pacing angrily through Mustang’s office.
“It’s too little too late, but the Major will be at the hearing, as will his new pet alchemist,” Roy began, and Jessy whirled on her heel, turning to listen to whatever he might have to say.
“You and I will be there, too,” she reminded him.
“Yes, but this is purely a military proceeding, which means, even though Ed is his brother, Al will not be allowed to be there,” Roy replied, chewing at the inside of his lip in thought.
“Are you suggesting what I think you are?”
“I’m not suggesting anything,” Roy smirked.
“No, of course not. That would be breaking an entering, and certainly you’d be in all sorts of trouble for ordering a thing like that, but perhaps if we informed Al of the whereabouts of his brother’s journals and just how very important they are to the case…”
“Perhaps.” Roy tapped his pen on his desk.
“I could almost hug you,” Jessy said, more brightly than anything she’d said to him before.
“Almost?”
“You’re still a jerk and you need to take better care of Ed. This makes up a little for that, though,” she allowed.
“Nice to know you think so.”
X
Ed’s heart sank. Roy was there, looking absolutely dismal. He shook his head, almost imperceptibly. Jessy strode over, looking rather grim.
“We don’t have enough evidence, yet. We found your journals, but we couldn’t retrieve them in time. I’m afraid it’s probably going to come down to a conviction and us having to appeal the decision,” she murmured in his ear.
“An appeal? You realize they might not even hear you out, right?” Ed paled.
“I’m sorry, Ed. This is the best we can do right now. We’ll get you out of here, though. I promise.”
The hearing flew by, and Ed hardly registered any of it. As Roy and Jessy had suspected, the array on his neck meant nothing to them without proof that the Marionette Alchemist would do this to another person, without proof that either the alchemist, or Major Jeffreys intended harm to Edward.
It was only the end that stuck with him, their verdict deafening to his ears.
“We find the defendant guilty, and subject to execution for murder and treason under Amestris Law.”
Fandom: FMA
Pairing RoyxEd
Author: inugrlrayn
Rating: NC-17
Author's Note: Sorry for being lame and taking forever to finish this chapter. I've been sidetracked with my other projects.
All Parts Here
Dark. It was so very dark. There was nothing but impenetrable black before his eyes, solid stone beneath his fingers, cold seeping through the thin material of his prison garb. His head throbbed, wave after wave washing over him, drowning him in nausea. He could have been wrong about that part. It might have been the kick to the gut responsible for that.
Ed lay on icy tiles, curled up against the pain and wondering when he’d ever thought this was all a good idea. He wanted, needed, would have begged to go home at that point, but his pleas fell upon steel walls and nothingness that taunted him at every turn.
He could have been blind and would not know it. Perhaps he’d died and this was his eternal torment for a lifetime of sins that could never be forgiven. He refused to cry and struggled against madness that was a not so distant memory.
There had to be something, anything for him to hang on to. Jessy, of course Jessy was out there helping, doing whatever she could to make this go away. Even after the horrible thing he’d done to her, the horrible thing that alchemist had made him do, she still stood by. He hoped Roy was keeping Al out of this mess, but was fairly certain his brother would be insisting on doing anything he could.
Then there was Roy. Roy had figured this out, would get him out of here soon, Ed was sure. He didn’t know though, if it would be soon enough. He could feel sanity slip away in leaps and bounds, nothing anchoring it here in the dark.
Think about something good, something that isn’t here. Think about what makes you happy.
Ed ordered himself as if he could reverse the situation by willpower alone. He focused on Roy because he could count on Roy, who’d been right there with him through the entire mess. He focused on Roy whose fingers he could still feel on his skin, whose lips felt like crushed velvet.
If he poured all of himself into focusing on that, on the way Roy’s hands had lingered over his skin when he’d come to visit earlier, perhaps he could drown out the misery that threatened to bleed into his very being.
His own fingers were warm as they slid over his arms, and he could almost, almost believe they were Roy’s hands touching him, offering heat and comfort and tenderness Ed no longer knew.
He could almost believe those were Roy’s hands that rubbed at his back, sliding awkwardly as Ed’s arms wrapped around his front. Ed closed his eyes and there in the dark was a kind, pale face, lips quirked in a gentle smile, two dark, perfect eyes focused on him and him alone.
There were whispers against his ear, his name, and love, and all that was beautiful and worth fighting for, echoing at the back of his mind. Ed tilted his head back, and shadows of nights spent in better places passed over, lips bubbling fire and lust against his neck, nails that caressed his flesh with memories, a shade of his lover with a hand over his own, and he sank into Roy’s touches, helpless and desperate for something to cling to. Palms slid down his belly, over his hips, smaller than Roy’s, but he could pretend all the same.
Another time, Ed might have had the energy to be angry about his pants being a little too big, hanging loosely upon his hip bones. Now, though, his eyes were shut in focus, forcing himself to believe he wasn’t buried in darkness, that his only company was not smooth, cold stone beneath him, against his back. A delicate hand slid past his waistline, and he forced away the truth that it was only his own.
“Make me know it’s real,” Ed pleaded, clinging tighter to the man beside him.
“Real enough?” Roy asked, pressing their lips together tenderly.
Ed wanted to say yes. He wanted to say that simply being in the arms of a person he’d come to care for, that soft kisses and a comforting embrace were enough to sooth his fears. It wasn’t enough though, and he sadly shook his head.
It had been long ago, but it was real. Roy had pulled him through so much, if he could just bring that moment back, he was sure he’d be alright.
Automail fingers pushed at the edges of Roy’s uniform and the older man obliged, pulling the offending article of clothing from his body. The button down shirt beneath soon followed and as soon as his chest was bare, Ed resumed clinging to the man, barely giving Roy space to pull of his tank top.
They stayed like that for a long time, Ed’s face buried against Roy’s neck, warm breath making the older man shiver as his fingers combed through long strands of golden hair, his other hand rubbing gentle circles down his companion’s spine.
These were the moments Ed was fighting for. These were the things he needed to hold onto, soft kisses and touches and all he could lose himself in. He relaxed in something tentatively leaning towards content, hand stroking lazily, mind shrouded in memory.
Roy’s fingers, working lazy circles along the back of Ed’s automail shoulder, just along the place where metal ended and human flesh began, mapped their way down the young man’s narrow back, tracing each scar along the way like landmarks on the path home.
Ed groaned in pleasure when warm hands brushed over a sensitive spot at the base of his spine, sparking something within him. There was a fire long since gone that had been fanned back to life, and something of what Ed should be happily returned.
Ed arched his back, drinking in a caress he’d burned into his skin and mind. He bit his lip in pleasure, allowing reality to slip away just a little longer.
There was a desperate feeling when Ed’s lips found his, as if he was struggling for something to hold on to. A human hand traced over his chest, feeling him out in the dark. There were no pretenses as fingers drifted further down, worrying the buttons on his shirt loose as they went. He hardly paused when he reached Roy’s waistline, flicking button open and practically prying the material off of the man.
Ed shivered in the dark, hand moving faster, squirming at his own illusions. Trembling, pleasured sighs dripped from his lips, the only sound in the room, his breath catching at every thrust of his hips.
It felt like drowning, to not have this for so long and then to get it in spades. The kisses were suffocating he couldn’t breathe and god he’d missed the sensation. Somehow, there was nothing better than dying inside at Roy’s hands. It was always different, but always the same, a little piece of heaven in his hellish existence.
Ed gasped as Roy’s fingers found their way into him, first one, then two. It didn’t hurt, the digits already slicked.
It was a pleasant delusion and Ed allowed himself the mirage of contact that deep down he had to know not to be his own. There was nothing to ease the friction, but just then he didn’t care, preferring the pain to the truth of here and now. He pumped a hand faster to distract from the ache of sliding one finger inside himself.
He sucked in a breath as Roy pulled his hand away, only to replace it with something else, sliding neatly into the smaller body beneath him. Ed moaned at the contact, tilting his head back, leaving his neck exposed to the tender kisses and nibbles that fell from Roy’s lips.
Then Roy was moving faster. The pleasant burn within Ed escalated into a searing heat and he struggled to hold onto reality, wishing only to hold onto this precious moment of truth, to capture in still frame everything that was just then.
Ed whimpered, head tilted back as if crying to the heavens. Everything was broken, panicked movement, an obstinate refusal to relinquish his imaginary heaven.
Without warning it was over. The moment shattered in a hollow cry, perhaps his name as Roy tensed against him, and Ed kissed him in an effort to swallow the sound. It was enough to send the younger alchemist over the edge and he arched against Roy for a moment before collapsing beneath him.
His heaven had a crack in its clouds, and a final catching of breath, a silent plea sent him tumbling towards earth, crashing against what was true and real once more. He recoiled from his own efforts in disgust. There was no pleasure to be found in this place, and yet he had. His body still thrummed in acknowledgement.
There were no whispers or kisses, no touches and no arms around him to lull him to sleep. There was only an empty room, brimming in darkness and misery and guilt. There was only a throbbing headache, and a sickness in his stomach, cold liquid still dripping from his fingers.
X
He awoke to someone nudging him with what might have been a shoe.
“Wake up,” the gruff voice ordered, and Ed forced himself up, shuddering at sharp pain that echoed through his head, piercing deeper in the light that flickered through the open doorway.
“Time to get you cleaned up so they can decide what to do with you,” the warden grumbled, grabbing Ed by the arm and hauling him unsteadily to his feet.
No mind was paid to the stains wiped away on his garments, to his disheveled hair. It didn’t surprise Ed, really. There was no note given to the bruises on his belly or the knot on his head either.
He nearly slipped, shoved into the empty shower room, and he gave up any hope that he’d at least have some privacy when the warden stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
The water was frigid and his flesh prickled at the contact. He winced as he ran fingers and shampoo through his hair, both at accidently swiping the knot on his head and at the sheer amount of grease and dirt that had collected in it. That Roy had touched him at all the day before (was it the day before? He couldn’t be sure if it had been hours or weeks in that room) considering he could hardly stand to touch himself now.
The shampoo left his hair squeaky and rough, and the soap was no better, gritty and harsh against his skin. Still, it was better than being dirty, and he frowned when the warden called out to him to hurry up already.
When he was finished, the warden shoved his uniform at him, something about not wanting the committee to be swayed in their decision by the associations people made with prison garb. It at least fit properly, which was more than he could say for anything else he’d been in lately. He raked his hair into a high ponytail and allowed himself to be cuffed once more, praying the whole way to the transport car that Roy had found a way to save him, to convince them all of the truth.
X
Roy wanted to hit someone, at the very least. Randalf had brushed him off, ignoring his finding as some sort of misdirected attempt at putting the blame somewhere other than where it belonged.
Jessy had said something about notebooks on the Major’s desk, and he knew, knew what they were. They would get them back and things would be alright, but there was still a matter of doing it in time. That was looking less and less likely.
“How am I supposed to defend him? The array alone doesn’t prove anything. Anyone could have put that there, and until I have something else, Ed’s got no hope,” Jessy seethed, pacing angrily through Mustang’s office.
“It’s too little too late, but the Major will be at the hearing, as will his new pet alchemist,” Roy began, and Jessy whirled on her heel, turning to listen to whatever he might have to say.
“You and I will be there, too,” she reminded him.
“Yes, but this is purely a military proceeding, which means, even though Ed is his brother, Al will not be allowed to be there,” Roy replied, chewing at the inside of his lip in thought.
“Are you suggesting what I think you are?”
“I’m not suggesting anything,” Roy smirked.
“No, of course not. That would be breaking an entering, and certainly you’d be in all sorts of trouble for ordering a thing like that, but perhaps if we informed Al of the whereabouts of his brother’s journals and just how very important they are to the case…”
“Perhaps.” Roy tapped his pen on his desk.
“I could almost hug you,” Jessy said, more brightly than anything she’d said to him before.
“Almost?”
“You’re still a jerk and you need to take better care of Ed. This makes up a little for that, though,” she allowed.
“Nice to know you think so.”
X
Ed’s heart sank. Roy was there, looking absolutely dismal. He shook his head, almost imperceptibly. Jessy strode over, looking rather grim.
“We don’t have enough evidence, yet. We found your journals, but we couldn’t retrieve them in time. I’m afraid it’s probably going to come down to a conviction and us having to appeal the decision,” she murmured in his ear.
“An appeal? You realize they might not even hear you out, right?” Ed paled.
“I’m sorry, Ed. This is the best we can do right now. We’ll get you out of here, though. I promise.”
The hearing flew by, and Ed hardly registered any of it. As Roy and Jessy had suspected, the array on his neck meant nothing to them without proof that the Marionette Alchemist would do this to another person, without proof that either the alchemist, or Major Jeffreys intended harm to Edward.
It was only the end that stuck with him, their verdict deafening to his ears.
“We find the defendant guilty, and subject to execution for murder and treason under Amestris Law.”