Prov 47 - Ancient Scrolls
Title: Shippou's Dos and Dont's of Love
Title: kingbaka22
Rating: PG-13
Words: 996
Summary: Inuyasha and Kagome discover an ancient scroll with a familiar author.
Warnings: none
“Inuyasha, be care-”
*CRASH!!!*
“-ful.” Kagome sighed and slumped her shoulders. The ancient chest her grandfather had asked them to retrieve from the highest shelf in the shed was now a pile of kindling on the floor. “Ji-chan is going to kill us,” she groaned.
“Feh! It’s his fault for letting it get so damn dusty up there,” Inuyasha declared just before going into another bout of sneezing. Shaking her head, Kagome squatted down to begin picking up the pieces. She didn’t have it in her to lie to the old man. Maybe it could be fixed?
“Hey, what’s this?” she wondered, pulling at something that now stuck out of what appeared to be a secret compartment in the lid of the chest. “An ancient scroll…” Kagome knew she should just hand the scroll to her grandfather, but her curiosity got the better of her. It was like discovering buried treasure, and the finder should get the first look! Carefully unrolling the scroll, she gasped. The writing was graceful and sophisticated in style, and shown clear as day. It almost glowed, and she could feel the barest hint of magic in the parchment. But what shocked her most of all was the large caption signifying the title of the scroll.
“Shippou’s Dos and Don’ts of Love,” she read aloud.
“What?” Inuyasha asked, moving to look over her shoulder. “Well I’ll be damned.”
“You don’t think it’s our Shippou, do you?”
“Keh. Only one way to find out.”
Nodding, Kagome turned back to the scroll and began to read. “Greetings. This scroll was written for men. It will teach you how to how to meet women and find your soul mate, and once you’ve found her, how to woo her. I myself used these lessons to great effect, and I now have a gorgeous wife with thirteen kids and an amazing sex life.” Kagome had to stop there, a blush rising on her cheeks. If the author of this scroll was their Shippou, he had apparently written it some time after growing up.
“Follow these simple rules, and I can promise you success,” she continued. The Dos were relatively tame, with things like ‘be kind to her,’ ‘have a good sense of humor,’ and ‘make her feel special.’ It also addressed interacting with women in general, making friends, and the like. Kagome couldn’t help but notice Inuyasha’s silence throughout her recitation; perhaps he was taking mental notes? She could only hope. Eventually she reached the Don’ts section.
“Don’t #1: Don’t ask a woman to bear your child unless you’re married to her. It is the worst pick-up line in the history of pick-up lines, and it will NEVER work. You may think you’re being smooth, but you actually look like a hopeless moron.
“Don’t #2: Don't grope women. This is a simple command, but very important. Unless the unlucky girl is a total slut, the only contact you will get from it is palm to cheek. It is proven fact that open perverts do not enjoy much success with women.
“Note - if you have a chosen girl, breaking either of the previous two rules not only makes you incredibly stupid, but also a first-rate asshole.”
Inuyasha snickered, always up for a laugh at the hentai bouzu’s expense. He was loving this! Kagome giggled as well, and kept reading.
“Don’t #3: Don’t call your chosen girl ‘wench’ or any other derogatory nickname. This may seem obvious, but there are actually people out there dumb enough to do this.”
Inuyasha was no longer loving this. There was now little doubt that the author was their Shippou, or exactly who he was talking about. He clenched his fist. Kagome, on the other hand, was ecstatic. So I’m his “chosen girl,” am I? Hoping for some more pleasant revelations, she continued reading.
“Don’t #4: Don’t scarf down all the food your chosen girl brings you without thanking her for it. Not only does it make you a pig, but it makes her think that you don’t appreciate it.
“Don’t #5: Don’t waver between two girls, especially when they look alike. Just PICK ONE, and stop stringing the other along.
“Note - if one of the girls is your dead ex-girlfriend, and the other is alive and simply amazing, you might want to choose the latter
“Don’t #6: Don’t get all jealous if some other guy shows your chosen girl a little attention. If you don’t like how she responds, maybe you should follow his lead, and say something nice to her for a change.
“Don’t #7: Don’t act like a total jackass to your chosen girl and hope she sees past your tough exterior to the soft puppy you are underneath. Most girls will just decide you’re a jackass and ditch you. And if you’ve found a girl special enough to see you for who you really are, then she deserves not to be treated in such a manner.”
Kagome nodded in agreement. You’re damn right I don’t! She was loving this!
“Don’t #8: Don’t mastur-oh, my…” she trailed off, placing both hands on her flaming cheeks.
“Give me that!” Inuyasha yelled, snatching the scroll from her lap and picking up where she left off. “Don’t #8: Don’t masturbate while moaning your chosen girl’s name. If you want her that badly, pull your head out of your ass and tell her how you feel!” An awkward silence hung in the air until Inuyasha leapt to his feet.
“I’m gonna murder that kid!”
“Wait, Inuyasha! You can’t hurt him for something he hasn’t even done yet.”
“Watch me, wen-Kagome.”
Then he was gone, and Kagome was left stunned. Huh, I guess he decided to listen to Don’t #3, after all. And who knew, maybe if he decided to follow some of Shippou’s other advice, he wouldn’t have to break Don’t #8 anymore. Trotting toward the well, she went to make sure Shippou lived long enough to write this scroll.
Title: kingbaka22
Rating: PG-13
Words: 996
Summary: Inuyasha and Kagome discover an ancient scroll with a familiar author.
Warnings: none
“Inuyasha, be care-”
*CRASH!!!*
“-ful.” Kagome sighed and slumped her shoulders. The ancient chest her grandfather had asked them to retrieve from the highest shelf in the shed was now a pile of kindling on the floor. “Ji-chan is going to kill us,” she groaned.
“Feh! It’s his fault for letting it get so damn dusty up there,” Inuyasha declared just before going into another bout of sneezing. Shaking her head, Kagome squatted down to begin picking up the pieces. She didn’t have it in her to lie to the old man. Maybe it could be fixed?
“Hey, what’s this?” she wondered, pulling at something that now stuck out of what appeared to be a secret compartment in the lid of the chest. “An ancient scroll…” Kagome knew she should just hand the scroll to her grandfather, but her curiosity got the better of her. It was like discovering buried treasure, and the finder should get the first look! Carefully unrolling the scroll, she gasped. The writing was graceful and sophisticated in style, and shown clear as day. It almost glowed, and she could feel the barest hint of magic in the parchment. But what shocked her most of all was the large caption signifying the title of the scroll.
“Shippou’s Dos and Don’ts of Love,” she read aloud.
“What?” Inuyasha asked, moving to look over her shoulder. “Well I’ll be damned.”
“You don’t think it’s our Shippou, do you?”
“Keh. Only one way to find out.”
Nodding, Kagome turned back to the scroll and began to read. “Greetings. This scroll was written for men. It will teach you how to how to meet women and find your soul mate, and once you’ve found her, how to woo her. I myself used these lessons to great effect, and I now have a gorgeous wife with thirteen kids and an amazing sex life.” Kagome had to stop there, a blush rising on her cheeks. If the author of this scroll was their Shippou, he had apparently written it some time after growing up.
“Follow these simple rules, and I can promise you success,” she continued. The Dos were relatively tame, with things like ‘be kind to her,’ ‘have a good sense of humor,’ and ‘make her feel special.’ It also addressed interacting with women in general, making friends, and the like. Kagome couldn’t help but notice Inuyasha’s silence throughout her recitation; perhaps he was taking mental notes? She could only hope. Eventually she reached the Don’ts section.
“Don’t #1: Don’t ask a woman to bear your child unless you’re married to her. It is the worst pick-up line in the history of pick-up lines, and it will NEVER work. You may think you’re being smooth, but you actually look like a hopeless moron.
“Don’t #2: Don't grope women. This is a simple command, but very important. Unless the unlucky girl is a total slut, the only contact you will get from it is palm to cheek. It is proven fact that open perverts do not enjoy much success with women.
“Note - if you have a chosen girl, breaking either of the previous two rules not only makes you incredibly stupid, but also a first-rate asshole.”
Inuyasha snickered, always up for a laugh at the hentai bouzu’s expense. He was loving this! Kagome giggled as well, and kept reading.
“Don’t #3: Don’t call your chosen girl ‘wench’ or any other derogatory nickname. This may seem obvious, but there are actually people out there dumb enough to do this.”
Inuyasha was no longer loving this. There was now little doubt that the author was their Shippou, or exactly who he was talking about. He clenched his fist. Kagome, on the other hand, was ecstatic. So I’m his “chosen girl,” am I? Hoping for some more pleasant revelations, she continued reading.
“Don’t #4: Don’t scarf down all the food your chosen girl brings you without thanking her for it. Not only does it make you a pig, but it makes her think that you don’t appreciate it.
“Don’t #5: Don’t waver between two girls, especially when they look alike. Just PICK ONE, and stop stringing the other along.
“Note - if one of the girls is your dead ex-girlfriend, and the other is alive and simply amazing, you might want to choose the latter
“Don’t #6: Don’t get all jealous if some other guy shows your chosen girl a little attention. If you don’t like how she responds, maybe you should follow his lead, and say something nice to her for a change.
“Don’t #7: Don’t act like a total jackass to your chosen girl and hope she sees past your tough exterior to the soft puppy you are underneath. Most girls will just decide you’re a jackass and ditch you. And if you’ve found a girl special enough to see you for who you really are, then she deserves not to be treated in such a manner.”
Kagome nodded in agreement. You’re damn right I don’t! She was loving this!
“Don’t #8: Don’t mastur-oh, my…” she trailed off, placing both hands on her flaming cheeks.
“Give me that!” Inuyasha yelled, snatching the scroll from her lap and picking up where she left off. “Don’t #8: Don’t masturbate while moaning your chosen girl’s name. If you want her that badly, pull your head out of your ass and tell her how you feel!” An awkward silence hung in the air until Inuyasha leapt to his feet.
“I’m gonna murder that kid!”
“Wait, Inuyasha! You can’t hurt him for something he hasn’t even done yet.”
“Watch me, wen-Kagome.”
Then he was gone, and Kagome was left stunned. Huh, I guess he decided to listen to Don’t #3, after all. And who knew, maybe if he decided to follow some of Shippou’s other advice, he wouldn’t have to break Don’t #8 anymore. Trotting toward the well, she went to make sure Shippou lived long enough to write this scroll.