Trying not to think about it...
Lately I've had a lot of things in mind... I wonder whether I've lost a friend again or I'm just being paranoid. I've found myself crying at school more often lately but no one notices. If they do, they say nothing. A part of me feels its best that way but another wishes for them to speak up, to do something about it. I want someone to be here to hug me and cry with me, to tell me everything will be alright. So why then do I find myself pushing people away?
I'm trying not to think about my past. I don't want to remember the pain I've gone through before and I most definitely don't want to believe my past is repeating itself. I don't want to live in this paranoia state anymore.
I want to leave this place so badly so I try my best to lose myself in my imagination but with no motivation, it's difficult to do so now. I miss my friend so badly... I wish I knew... if I did something wrong....
Gah. I don't want to be depressed anymore. I should focus on my manga right now. I read up to Chapter 11 of 07-Ghost today. I love that manga right now! ^^ I don't usually like yaoi so it was shocking for me to actually find myself supporting the pairing MikageXTeito. They're bond is just so loving and very touching that I couldn't help but find myself falling in love with idea of them being together in a more romantic sort of relationship. Mikage reminded me so much of someone I loved/love. Only difference, this person from my past has changed and is no longer like Mikage-sama. But that doesn't matter. Mikage-sama is so much better! Hehe.
I told sis today I would make a fanfic about the series once I caught up. I really look forward to it! I'm plotting ideas for it right now. I hope I can get some motivation for it soon. I want it to be perfect for sis. ^^
I'm planning on starting Pandora Hearts tomorrow since it looks like I won't get a chance to do so tonight and if I do start it, I'll probably just get to chapter 3. I also need to catch up on Rave Master, Hakushaku no Yousei, Vampire Knight, and Code Geass (and watch the animes to all of them XD). God, I have so much to read. XD Hopefully I can be caught up before summer because I'm going to so busy in the summer.
Also, I've been longing to go to an anime convetion but with my friends. Since the only friend I feel is still there for me whole-heartedly is sis, I want to go with her the most but I've always pictured anime conventions to occur with a large group of close friends. It looks a lot more fun that way. I wanted to go to the San Diego summer comic-con because Hiro-sensei was said to attend but I don't think that's going to happen afterall. I'll have to keep track of cons in 2010 so I can attend one (hopefully I can find someone to go with by then? T___T I truly truly wish).
Anyways... I've had my fair share of crying tonight, I think I should head off now. Anime and manga can only do so much to patch up my wounded soul. I'll contemplate the future some more tomorrow. Ja ne!
P.S: I'm still wondering what "P.S" means.
P.SS: New chapter of Fairy Tail was awesome! =D And suspenseful! Chapter 132 upset me because Wendy's appearance (although as cute as she is) clashes with my FT OC Naomi Tsukino. I created her about 6 to 8 months before Wendy was released. Naomi-chan's personality and appearance is way too similar to Wendy's T__T it makes me so sad to see my original characted not as original as I thought she was. Also, the fact that Wendy's powers seem to be very alarming (possibly powerful or evil) also resembles Naomi-chan's own hidden abilities. Gah, I hate these similarities so much. Including the introduction of Oracion Seis. Their existance is clashing greatly with how I had pictured Naomi-chan's storyline to develop. At first I felt "=O it's like Naomi-chan was meant to be part of Fairy Tail!" but the creation of Wendy ruined my original ideas of my OC. Anyways, I'm rambling, no one cares, people are going to call me a copy cat now, Naomi-chan is no longer cute. Whatever. T___T Ja ne....
I'm trying not to think about my past. I don't want to remember the pain I've gone through before and I most definitely don't want to believe my past is repeating itself. I don't want to live in this paranoia state anymore.
I want to leave this place so badly so I try my best to lose myself in my imagination but with no motivation, it's difficult to do so now. I miss my friend so badly... I wish I knew... if I did something wrong....
Gah. I don't want to be depressed anymore. I should focus on my manga right now. I read up to Chapter 11 of 07-Ghost today. I love that manga right now! ^^ I don't usually like yaoi so it was shocking for me to actually find myself supporting the pairing MikageXTeito. They're bond is just so loving and very touching that I couldn't help but find myself falling in love with idea of them being together in a more romantic sort of relationship. Mikage reminded me so much of someone I loved/love. Only difference, this person from my past has changed and is no longer like Mikage-sama. But that doesn't matter. Mikage-sama is so much better! Hehe.
I told sis today I would make a fanfic about the series once I caught up. I really look forward to it! I'm plotting ideas for it right now. I hope I can get some motivation for it soon. I want it to be perfect for sis. ^^
I'm planning on starting Pandora Hearts tomorrow since it looks like I won't get a chance to do so tonight and if I do start it, I'll probably just get to chapter 3. I also need to catch up on Rave Master, Hakushaku no Yousei, Vampire Knight, and Code Geass (and watch the animes to all of them XD). God, I have so much to read. XD Hopefully I can be caught up before summer because I'm going to so busy in the summer.
Also, I've been longing to go to an anime convetion but with my friends. Since the only friend I feel is still there for me whole-heartedly is sis, I want to go with her the most but I've always pictured anime conventions to occur with a large group of close friends. It looks a lot more fun that way. I wanted to go to the San Diego summer comic-con because Hiro-sensei was said to attend but I don't think that's going to happen afterall. I'll have to keep track of cons in 2010 so I can attend one (hopefully I can find someone to go with by then? T___T I truly truly wish).
Anyways... I've had my fair share of crying tonight, I think I should head off now. Anime and manga can only do so much to patch up my wounded soul. I'll contemplate the future some more tomorrow. Ja ne!
P.S: I'm still wondering what "P.S" means.
P.SS: New chapter of Fairy Tail was awesome! =D And suspenseful! Chapter 132 upset me because Wendy's appearance (although as cute as she is) clashes with my FT OC Naomi Tsukino. I created her about 6 to 8 months before Wendy was released. Naomi-chan's personality and appearance is way too similar to Wendy's T__T it makes me so sad to see my original characted not as original as I thought she was. Also, the fact that Wendy's powers seem to be very alarming (possibly powerful or evil) also resembles Naomi-chan's own hidden abilities. Gah, I hate these similarities so much. Including the introduction of Oracion Seis. Their existance is clashing greatly with how I had pictured Naomi-chan's storyline to develop. At first I felt "=O it's like Naomi-chan was meant to be part of Fairy Tail!" but the creation of Wendy ruined my original ideas of my OC. Anyways, I'm rambling, no one cares, people are going to call me a copy cat now, Naomi-chan is no longer cute. Whatever. T___T Ja ne....