Ramblings 01
Hm, it feels like a long time since I last wrote on my livejournal. The last post was one of my fanfictions, which was like... almost two months ago? Woow~ long time. Now I honestly don't feel like posting any fanfictions on here, since I post most of them on Asianfanfics [Jinkuu].
Now, I just feel like using this as a journal, journal. Like one post a day that happened? I don't know, I have a lot on my mind that I keep to myself and don't voice it out.
That's one of the things I dislike about myself.
Now, I find this blog might be a bit emo-ish, lolol, oh well, doesn't matter, I'm just rambling...
But, I do feel like it's one of my worst traits (though I have a lot). Keeping things to myself and never voicing them out. I guess it's just from the way I grew up, maybe? Like, my parents talk a lot, always chiding or getting me to be one way or another - if I were to speak out, they would bring me down, so I learned to just keep quiet and listen to what they say.
And I guess that carried out through other things as well, hence as why I am a quiet child or a person who doesn't seem to care or worry much in outer appearence. I believe, either way, people would still judge another person from their looks or appearence. Most people would think a quiet person could either be quiet, snobbish, or just maybe rude some times.
I honestly don't mean to be either one of those or don't seem to care and I always worry about it that people might interperet this in a wrong way. I am just really horrible and expressing myself.
Another reason why I don't express myself or share my worries is that I feel like I'm burdening or adding on useless things into their life which is something I don't want to do. I am the type of person who would someone close or dear to me before my needs. Which is why whenever my friends have problems, I always try to help in one way or another, lessening their burden, and don't talk about myself.
I just feel that if I talk about my problems, it may seem useless to them [which I believe they are, eh] and burdensome to have to listen to it. And some times when I want to talk, I probably wouldn't be able to form coherent sentences and then just change to a different topic to avoid it.
I don't know, this seems like a bad trait, but honestly I just keep things to myself even though I have a lot of stuff. I fear getting judged [but doesn't everyone?] and also if I might be drawing the line at some point, like going overboard, or seeming to be over dramatic.
I think a lot and I find it horrible. I wish I thought less since I honestly believe I could be the only person that thinks of these. Maybe there are others that do think alike but fear voicing it out for the fact other people might look at them like "What the hell are you talking about?" or "Are you crazy?" or something along those lines. It's just... I don't know.
Maybe I should stop writing for now... This actually felt [kinda] nice to jot stuff down and let it out in some way. Though I wish I could talk to someone [verbally] to let it out, but that's asking for too much. =/
Rambling 01 End.
Now, I just feel like using this as a journal, journal. Like one post a day that happened? I don't know, I have a lot on my mind that I keep to myself and don't voice it out.
That's one of the things I dislike about myself.
Now, I find this blog might be a bit emo-ish, lolol, oh well, doesn't matter, I'm just rambling...
But, I do feel like it's one of my worst traits (though I have a lot). Keeping things to myself and never voicing them out. I guess it's just from the way I grew up, maybe? Like, my parents talk a lot, always chiding or getting me to be one way or another - if I were to speak out, they would bring me down, so I learned to just keep quiet and listen to what they say.
And I guess that carried out through other things as well, hence as why I am a quiet child or a person who doesn't seem to care or worry much in outer appearence. I believe, either way, people would still judge another person from their looks or appearence. Most people would think a quiet person could either be quiet, snobbish, or just maybe rude some times.
I honestly don't mean to be either one of those or don't seem to care and I always worry about it that people might interperet this in a wrong way. I am just really horrible and expressing myself.
Another reason why I don't express myself or share my worries is that I feel like I'm burdening or adding on useless things into their life which is something I don't want to do. I am the type of person who would someone close or dear to me before my needs. Which is why whenever my friends have problems, I always try to help in one way or another, lessening their burden, and don't talk about myself.
I just feel that if I talk about my problems, it may seem useless to them [which I believe they are, eh] and burdensome to have to listen to it. And some times when I want to talk, I probably wouldn't be able to form coherent sentences and then just change to a different topic to avoid it.
I don't know, this seems like a bad trait, but honestly I just keep things to myself even though I have a lot of stuff. I fear getting judged [but doesn't everyone?] and also if I might be drawing the line at some point, like going overboard, or seeming to be over dramatic.
I think a lot and I find it horrible. I wish I thought less since I honestly believe I could be the only person that thinks of these. Maybe there are others that do think alike but fear voicing it out for the fact other people might look at them like "What the hell are you talking about?" or "Are you crazy?" or something along those lines. It's just... I don't know.
Maybe I should stop writing for now... This actually felt [kinda] nice to jot stuff down and let it out in some way. Though I wish I could talk to someone [verbally] to let it out, but that's asking for too much. =/
Rambling 01 End.