(no subject)
I'm seriously sick. Or something. I feel like I have no friends. I know I do, but I feel everyone thinks I get pretty annoying or mean or obnoxious sometimes. Which I know I do, but everyone thinks so. And people in Vocal = no les gusta Hartlyn nada. And this is where I turn pathetic. It also seems like everyone else has a significant other or thinks someone is hot and is "making a move" or people think they are hot. But I am in none of those situations, which sucks. I just feel like even I tried to do something about it, I'd get denied. I mean, I wouldn't go out with me. I'm larger than most guys, anyway. And I would look awkward. And I guess basically I can just understand why no one is interested.
Jesus, this seems really emo and like I have no self-esteem, but I don't think that's true, I'm just pragmatic. I mean, I have self confidence when it comes to school and other things, but when it comes to these "emotional" deals I just can't imagine me "going out" with someone. It's kind of like, ew. No one likes me like that. I don't know how to describe it. I'm just honest, I'm not appealing.
I'm not asking for compliments or something, this is honestly what I think about when I have no life. I mean, everyone's doing stuff, going to the movies, going to dinner, hanging out, taking cool adventures, and I'm just always at home. My mom says, "why don't you invite people somewhere?" but I feel like people think I'm annoying and I don't want anyone to get sick of me and want me to go away. But then again, whenever I hear about things that happened on the weekend or whatever between people who I think are my friends I realize that I'm hardly ever invited anywhere, which is kind of depressing.
I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. But with me, it's just weird. I'll have like one day when I come home from school and I'm like, "wow! life is amazing right now!" and then someone will tell me something or I will read/see something or I will remember something that happened and I will realize that it is actually kind of shitty and pathetic.
Basically I just feel really bad when I piss people off. I pretty much want to kill myself. Seriously, it's pathetic. And if I ever leave someone on an unhappy or a "blah" note, I feel, honestly, like TOTAL SHIT until I see them again.
Whatever, I'm a pathetic person.
PS - I just want to say, in conclusion, that I hate people who say something is "gay" or they make fun of it, but then they do it when they think no one is watching. I just really hate that. People are kind of all scumbags.
If you read this, thank you, you now understand how completely pathetic and screwed-up I am.
Jesus, this seems really emo and like I have no self-esteem, but I don't think that's true, I'm just pragmatic. I mean, I have self confidence when it comes to school and other things, but when it comes to these "emotional" deals I just can't imagine me "going out" with someone. It's kind of like, ew. No one likes me like that. I don't know how to describe it. I'm just honest, I'm not appealing.
I'm not asking for compliments or something, this is honestly what I think about when I have no life. I mean, everyone's doing stuff, going to the movies, going to dinner, hanging out, taking cool adventures, and I'm just always at home. My mom says, "why don't you invite people somewhere?" but I feel like people think I'm annoying and I don't want anyone to get sick of me and want me to go away. But then again, whenever I hear about things that happened on the weekend or whatever between people who I think are my friends I realize that I'm hardly ever invited anywhere, which is kind of depressing.
I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. But with me, it's just weird. I'll have like one day when I come home from school and I'm like, "wow! life is amazing right now!" and then someone will tell me something or I will read/see something or I will remember something that happened and I will realize that it is actually kind of shitty and pathetic.
Basically I just feel really bad when I piss people off. I pretty much want to kill myself. Seriously, it's pathetic. And if I ever leave someone on an unhappy or a "blah" note, I feel, honestly, like TOTAL SHIT until I see them again.
Whatever, I'm a pathetic person.
PS - I just want to say, in conclusion, that I hate people who say something is "gay" or they make fun of it, but then they do it when they think no one is watching. I just really hate that. People are kind of all scumbags.
If you read this, thank you, you now understand how completely pathetic and screwed-up I am.