(no subject)
Oh my god, I just spent the last hour writing a monologue in character and both of the monologues were ultra depressing aaaaaauuuuggghhhhhh
So I'm going to freewrite as myself just so I can get back into myself and think about what the hell I need to do next. Actually, I should probably get up and walk around a bit too, but I'll do that in a bit. I just need to get someone to watch my stuff because I'm in a computer lab again because I can WORK in here and yeah. Working.
ANYWAY.
Uh, the freewite exercises that I have written down won't really help me with getting random crap out, so I guess I have to go with the old and reliable practice of WRITE WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND AND DON'T STOP GO GO GO!
(More specifically, how did your day go I guess?) (The reason I'm doing it here is to let second and third parties know I am still alive. and well and halfway through the second season of Burn Notice and that is an awesome show.)
Anyway, so today had been pretty much nothing, just woke up and took meds and laid in bed and stared at the closed blinds until they both kicked in... suddenly and with anxiety abound. I wish someone had told me that a while ago - that Adderall causes anxiety, it explains SO much and makes my life so much easier now that when I am constantly freaking out that I'm forgetting something, it's just a chemical thing that my stimulants are creating. The only reason I figured it out was because of a passing comment my 2 visits only flaky doctor made. You know, after being 2 hours late to the first appointment and 45 minutes late to the next one. Bluuuhhhhh, what the hell. Anyway, so that explains a lot and when I am suddenly hit with a wave of "OH GOD WHAT" I can go, "CHEMICALS STOP FREAKING OUT" and move on to the next task. It happened on the bus when I thought someone was going to sit next to me, because I'm sure it was the same guy who sat next to me that REALLY BAD DAY three weeks or so ago when I was trying REALLY REALLY hard to not...... cry.............. and only marginally succeeded. That was a terrible day. And a terrible week. No, wait, January was just a god-awful month and I'm not going to think about it. There, problem solved.
Anyway, so now I have to get fifteen pages in by tomorrow at midnight for my script, which shouldn't be too much of a problem because it can be bits and pieces of scenes and right now I just wrote two monologues which should help and OH MY GOD HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS???????????? I have a mute character and I have NO FLIPPING IDEA how to write his lines for a theatrical sense. Maybe I can have him actually talk??? MAYBE?? Like, he can't talk at the beginning of the play because the main character no one understands him, but as the play progresses he gets more of a voice and everything, but he' still mute...??? Or maybe have on offstage voice talk about it??? Or have the audience read this lines....????? No, that's... that's stupid. Oh my god, whenever he writes on the computer I can have an offstage voice reading it and maybe some flashbacks??? OH WOW that would actually be kinda cool??? except I have no idea what the flashbacks would be about and that is a LOT of characters how the hell do I keep track of them all, except actors can play multiple characters if they aren't on stage with each other, but usually there's some significance between the characters so there's, like, symbolism involved????
THIS IS ME WONDERING ABOUT MY PLAY THAT WILL BE 60 PAGES LONG.
That is basically what's on my mind right now, you all just watched me freak out about it. The prof said that if we were uncomfortable with what we were doing, we were doing it right, which is why I'm sticking with the more difficult play instead of the really easy one that I came up with that was just an extension of my 10 minute play last semester or whatever. ANYWAY. Yeah.
Ever wave at someone and they don't see you so you just kinda put your hand down awkwardly but everyone around that person saw you and are just kinda looking at you like "wtf" so you just kinda smile and wave awkwardly at them instead? (And they still look at you like "wtf?") Yeah, that has happened to me already twice this week. SOCIALLY AWKWARD PENGUIN PERSONIFIED!
It's been like ten minutes, so I shall get up and do something and then get back to work. Okay, thanks, bye.
So I'm going to freewrite as myself just so I can get back into myself and think about what the hell I need to do next. Actually, I should probably get up and walk around a bit too, but I'll do that in a bit. I just need to get someone to watch my stuff because I'm in a computer lab again because I can WORK in here and yeah. Working.
ANYWAY.
Uh, the freewite exercises that I have written down won't really help me with getting random crap out, so I guess I have to go with the old and reliable practice of WRITE WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND AND DON'T STOP GO GO GO!
(More specifically, how did your day go I guess?) (The reason I'm doing it here is to let second and third parties know I am still alive. and well and halfway through the second season of Burn Notice and that is an awesome show.)
Anyway, so today had been pretty much nothing, just woke up and took meds and laid in bed and stared at the closed blinds until they both kicked in... suddenly and with anxiety abound. I wish someone had told me that a while ago - that Adderall causes anxiety, it explains SO much and makes my life so much easier now that when I am constantly freaking out that I'm forgetting something, it's just a chemical thing that my stimulants are creating. The only reason I figured it out was because of a passing comment my 2 visits only flaky doctor made. You know, after being 2 hours late to the first appointment and 45 minutes late to the next one. Bluuuhhhhh, what the hell. Anyway, so that explains a lot and when I am suddenly hit with a wave of "OH GOD WHAT" I can go, "CHEMICALS STOP FREAKING OUT" and move on to the next task. It happened on the bus when I thought someone was going to sit next to me, because I'm sure it was the same guy who sat next to me that REALLY BAD DAY three weeks or so ago when I was trying REALLY REALLY hard to not...... cry.............. and only marginally succeeded. That was a terrible day. And a terrible week. No, wait, January was just a god-awful month and I'm not going to think about it. There, problem solved.
Anyway, so now I have to get fifteen pages in by tomorrow at midnight for my script, which shouldn't be too much of a problem because it can be bits and pieces of scenes and right now I just wrote two monologues which should help and OH MY GOD HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS???????????? I have a mute character and I have NO FLIPPING IDEA how to write his lines for a theatrical sense. Maybe I can have him actually talk??? MAYBE?? Like, he can't talk at the beginning of the play because the main character no one understands him, but as the play progresses he gets more of a voice and everything, but he' still mute...??? Or maybe have on offstage voice talk about it??? Or have the audience read this lines....????? No, that's... that's stupid. Oh my god, whenever he writes on the computer I can have an offstage voice reading it and maybe some flashbacks??? OH WOW that would actually be kinda cool??? except I have no idea what the flashbacks would be about and that is a LOT of characters how the hell do I keep track of them all, except actors can play multiple characters if they aren't on stage with each other, but usually there's some significance between the characters so there's, like, symbolism involved????
THIS IS ME WONDERING ABOUT MY PLAY THAT WILL BE 60 PAGES LONG.
That is basically what's on my mind right now, you all just watched me freak out about it. The prof said that if we were uncomfortable with what we were doing, we were doing it right, which is why I'm sticking with the more difficult play instead of the really easy one that I came up with that was just an extension of my 10 minute play last semester or whatever. ANYWAY. Yeah.
Ever wave at someone and they don't see you so you just kinda put your hand down awkwardly but everyone around that person saw you and are just kinda looking at you like "wtf" so you just kinda smile and wave awkwardly at them instead? (And they still look at you like "wtf?") Yeah, that has happened to me already twice this week. SOCIALLY AWKWARD PENGUIN PERSONIFIED!
It's been like ten minutes, so I shall get up and do something and then get back to work. Okay, thanks, bye.