Le cage aux follies
Anxiety is at an all-time high today. Nervous and neurotic activities are extremely high. I can't focus. I can't get anything done. I just want to run away from it.
Running away is selfish, but I'm a selfish child. When the going gets tough, I get going. Away. I can't be too uncomfortable about it. That's why I never achieve anything. As soon as it gets hard, I find something easier to get a dopamine fix from, and now I have all these obligations that I can't maintain or quit that get in the way of what I want to do.
It doesn't feel like I'm in control of my life again, like I'm trapped. Some of that is probably the anxiety talking. "They makes cages in all sizes and shapes." It's like the unofficial end of the pandemic, and I'm still trapped at home. What happens once I get the degree? Am I still going to be trapped in the same obligations?