Fic: [OUaT] And Our House Will Be Called Evil Bitch Cottage (Regina, Emma).
And Our House Will be Called Evil Bitch Cottage, Once Upon a Time (Regina & Emma), pg-13, 2360 words.
Good daughters and evil bitches: sometimes the character you were born to play is not the story with your happy ending. Sometimes it's just a fixed game. Emma and Regina have a conversation.
“So you’ve found me,” Regina said, not turning from the window when Emma opened the door of the featureless apartment in an old forgotten building on the edge of town. “I was wondering how long it would take you.”
“You know I’m good at finding people.” Emma paused. “When I’m not under the impression they’re actually dead, I mean.”
“Are you here to kill me?” asked Regina, distantly.
“What? I-no! Look, I know I said some things, and I know… I mean, I know how things were, and why you’re hiding, but no. Henry’s alive. And if you’re worried about anybody else wanting you dead… well, I’m not anyone’s assassin. I’m here because-“ Emma drew a deep breath. “I want to talk about Henry.”
Finally Regina turned around, and let out a short, bitter laugh. “You’ve won, Miss Swan. Nobody here would deny him to you. You took him away from me, just like you wanted.”
“And you could probably take him back. Apparently magic’s come to town, though it doesn’t seem to be doing much, yet. Archie’s got a line out the door with all the people having identity crises, and he’s trying to not have a breakdown while waiting for Kafka to strike-“
“Kafka?” Regina interrupted, looking confused.
“Dude who wrote a book about a guy who woke up as a bug one day? Everybody has to read that book. Except, I guess, people from fairy tale land. Anyway, I don’t know what magic should look like, but I thought that if it was here, you’d be using it to get Henry back.”
“So you came to stop me.”
“Do you ever let up?” Emma complained. “No. I came to talk. Jesus, is it that hard to understand? Look, he’s your kid too. First thing you told me when I came into town was that you’d been there for every diaper, every cold, every night of homework. And you were. I never was. If any of my foster moms had been there for me as much as you’ve been there for Henry… she would have been my mom.”
“But Snow White is your mother,” Regina replied.
“Snow White is also Mary Margaret. And they’re both my roommate. She’s my family, she’s my friend… but… I don’t have any memories of growing up with her, you know? She never hugged me on my first day of school. She never watched movies with me when I was sick. Nobody did, not for me. But my kid got all that. From you.”
“Why the sudden change of heart, Miss Swan? I can’t imagine that anyone out there made an attempt to change your mind about me. And last I heard, you thought I was a sociopath who shouldn’t be anywhere near Henry.”
“Well… we worked well together. I mean, we hated each other for every second of it, and Gold fucked us over, and you could have told me there was a giant dragon under the library instead of leaving it for a surprise, but when we were both trying to save Henry, I saw how much you would do for him. How you’d go to anyone who might help you, for him. Like we weren’t that different, because I did all the same things.”
Regina didn’t say anything to that; she looked as if she wanted to ask Emma to get on with her point, but found it too tiring, too meaningless. Emma sat down on a nearby stool; she didn’t want to try to loom over Regina, she just wanted to talk. Really. After a long moment, Regina sat down too, looking far more regal than Emma ever managed.
“I read your story in Henry’s book,” Emma said quietly. “After. Well, it was technically Snow White’s childhood story. I think whoever wrote it was a bit biased. But I read about Daniel, and when you rescued Snow, and your mother telling her father that you’d marry him when you didn’t want to. And then about how you were going to run away, and Snow told your mother, so she killed Daniel.”
“Yes, I was there, I remember it all quite vividly, thank you,” Regina snapped. “Were you going somewhere with this?”
“I had plenty of parents who just wanted to use me for a meal ticket. I was theirs so they could get some money. That’s all. You know how much I ran away from it… I guess I got used to never living any one place long enough, never letting anyone get close enough to use me again. I knew they would if I let them. There are plenty of people out there who think I’m an evil bitch because I hit back when they tried to walk all over me. And I’m not proud of it, but I know for damn sure that if I had been trying to run away from one of my foster homes and some seven-year-old idiot gave me away, I would have hated her too. If she’d gotten someone I loved killed in the process… I don’t know. I didn’t love anyone, not after my first family gave me up.”
“You’re trying to sympathize?” Regina looked uncomprehending for a moment, and then turned it into a sneer. “After everything I’ve done? After all the times I tried to kill your mother, including a few weeks ago? After you call me crazy and kidnap my son? You’re here to try to make up so your life can be some tidy set of packages where you know what the hell you're doing?”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Regina. Give it a fucking rest, will you? I get that you have issues with Mary Margaret. Snow. I guess I get dragged into all that sometimes. But the problem between you and me is that we both want Henry one hundred percent. And when we’re at each other’s throats, neither of us can get what we want. But the thing is, I’m not my mother. She’s the woman who took back a kingdom from you while living in the woods with some dwarfs. I’m the one who only started doing anything for anybody a few months ago and still am probably a poster child for therapy, not that I would ever go. This hero shit that apparently everyone else is so used to? That's not me. Really not me. All I did- all we did- was fight like hell for Henry."
"Being a heroine isn't all that people think," Regina said. "It usually just makes you end up in more trouble than you started with."
"Seriously," Emma agreed, with feeling. "Everyone expects that I'm going to lead them on a grand expedition back home and make all their lives perfect again... what the fuck? When did fixing all of them become my problem? I mean, I don't mind being sheriff and sorting out a few drunk drivers and missing elderly relatives, but finding a way to change the entire world and put about a dozen people back on their thrones?"
"It doesn't get better," Regina said. "All I did was rescue a little girl on a runaway horse and I'm still paying for it."
Emma put her face in her hands. "Well fuck me," she said, a bit muffled.
Regina looked amused. "Is that an invitation, Miss Swan? Is that why you're here?"
"Hah." Emma looked up, the building anxiety popped like a bubble. "Who knows, maybe it is. You know, I once told Ashley that people were going to tell her who she was, and she just had to fight back and tell them who she was. But when it comes down to it... I feel like you and me are the only people in this town who have spent every minute of our lives actually doing that. Everybody out there is so sure of who they are, how they've played their stories to an end they knew would work out, and who they should be with."
"They do," Regina agreed, an attempt at distaste on her face, but it came out as a sadness so deep that Emma wondered how much Regina really did ache inside. "They all decided who I should be. And when it nearly killed me, I fought back, and they said I was an evil queen. I thought that if being an evil queen was the only way to get out of that trap I was in, then I'd be the best evil queen there ever was. Just so I could win. Just once."
"You made your evil. I made... well, mostly just a shitshow of my life, really, and now I've wound up with a sword."
"I wasn't born like this. No one is."
"No, you just get unlucky enough to land in a place where your foster mom says that you can't tell why your foster dad comes into your room at night or you'll end up someplace worse."
"Or where your mother tells you that it doesn't matter who you once loved, you please the king because that's what it takes to be part of a happy royal family."
Suddenly that was too much. Regina looked away from Emma, towards the window to the town beyond, still collecting itself after coming back from mass amnesia. "I always knew that there would be... consequences, responsibility for all the power I took, all the things I did. There was a cost, and I've paid it many times over. But nobody ever told me what the price was for being a good girl, a good daughter."
"They never do," Emma said, her mouth in such a thin line her lips went white. "No one tells you it's a fixed game that you can't win."
"Isn't this a twist," Regina replied with her smooth laugh. "The curse-breaking savior is secretly a member of the league of evil bitches."
"Local chapter, two members."
"That's all it takes." Regina paused. "All in all, though, I don't think we're terrible role models for Henry. I mean, you're a drifter who kidnapped him when it looked like things weren't going your way, but it's nice that he gets to have a dragon-slayer for a mother."
"It could be worse," Emma agreed. "And you're possessive and controlling when you think someone's interfering, but you do take responsibility seriously, instead of just running from it, or trying to."
"Dear God. It almost sounds like we make a set of decent parents." There was such a dismal look on her face that Emma had to laugh.
"That's seriously going to hurt our evil bitch cred, isn't it?"
"Please. I have been stunningly successful at that while raising him. I believe the poisoned apple turnover I gave you so I could have a peaceful relationship with my own son should be proof of that."
"True. But maybe you don't have to poison me to get Henry back. Nobody in town is going to stand up to me. Not now. And I really don't give a damn about their opinions on how I raise my kid. So if you want to come stay with me instead of hiding out here, when Henry and I move into a house tomorrow... well, you're his other mom, and anyone who says anything knows I have a sword."
"That sounds like either a strangely good idea, or a way for us to end up killing each other."
Emma shrugged. "It's the best I've got. Probably a thought that lots of couples have before they move in together."
"Couples?"
"Couple of moms. Isn't like we can get married in Maine anyway, Regina, so unless you're going to take us on a roadtrip to Boston-"
"Emma. I will move in with you and Henry if you stop talking about marriage."
"Absolutely." Emma stood up. "I'll text you the address, it's that blue house over on Cypress. Henry's going to be really happy when he hears about this."
"Henry? You... you told him you were going to talk to me?"
"No. I didn't want to get his hopes up just in case you- just in case. He's just... I think he's realized that... well, how much you cared for him. And that his storybook came true, and maybe he does get hot cocoa from Red Riding Hood and all that, but there's still life. He still has to get up for school and he still has homework that I can't help him with, and he needs a mom who doesn't just order takeout for supper. He misses you. Having the fairy tale savior for a mom is cool, but sometimes a kid wants to know that he'll for sure have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts cut off and a note to be embarrassed about to go with it."
"But he doesn't still hate me?" Regina's eyes were shiny. "He knows that I'm the Evil Queen. That I did everything he accused me of. I just wanted to protect him from ever knowing that."
Emma thought about laying a hand on Regina's shoulder, and then didn't. "He's a stubborn kid. He knows what happened. He knew about the apple turnover before I did. Some people have been telling him how sorry for him they are, that he had to live with you, and that he should hate you. You might have noticed, he doesn't like people telling him what to think."
"No, that had completely slipped past me," said Regina, deadpan. She blinked, her face a smooth mask again. "He got it from nature and nurture, I suppose. Two stubborn mothers."
"Yeah, with a mix like that, I can't promise that living together will be easy."
"Probably the opposite," Regina agreed, and laughed, a real laugh.
"I guess we'll figure it out as we go along. Even if it does turn out to be a bit of a mess."
"It'll be our mess, though, Emma," Regina said. Emma didn't comment on how she didn't call her Miss Swan with all frosty politeness instead. "Not the one that anybody else makes. Just ours."
Emma brushed a hand across Regina's shoulder. "Yeah. Our own evil bitch cottage."
Inspired a bit by Mary Oliver's poem, "Dogfish". (Thanks, redbrunja, for posting it!)
Excerpt:
You don't want to hear the story
of my life, and anyway
I don't want to tell it, I want to listen
to the enormous waterfalls of the sun.
And anyway it's the same old story - - -
a few people just trying,
one way or another,
to survive.
Mostly, I want to be kind.
And nobody, of course, is kind,
or mean,
for a simple reason.
Good daughters and evil bitches: sometimes the character you were born to play is not the story with your happy ending. Sometimes it's just a fixed game. Emma and Regina have a conversation.
“So you’ve found me,” Regina said, not turning from the window when Emma opened the door of the featureless apartment in an old forgotten building on the edge of town. “I was wondering how long it would take you.”
“You know I’m good at finding people.” Emma paused. “When I’m not under the impression they’re actually dead, I mean.”
“Are you here to kill me?” asked Regina, distantly.
“What? I-no! Look, I know I said some things, and I know… I mean, I know how things were, and why you’re hiding, but no. Henry’s alive. And if you’re worried about anybody else wanting you dead… well, I’m not anyone’s assassin. I’m here because-“ Emma drew a deep breath. “I want to talk about Henry.”
Finally Regina turned around, and let out a short, bitter laugh. “You’ve won, Miss Swan. Nobody here would deny him to you. You took him away from me, just like you wanted.”
“And you could probably take him back. Apparently magic’s come to town, though it doesn’t seem to be doing much, yet. Archie’s got a line out the door with all the people having identity crises, and he’s trying to not have a breakdown while waiting for Kafka to strike-“
“Kafka?” Regina interrupted, looking confused.
“Dude who wrote a book about a guy who woke up as a bug one day? Everybody has to read that book. Except, I guess, people from fairy tale land. Anyway, I don’t know what magic should look like, but I thought that if it was here, you’d be using it to get Henry back.”
“So you came to stop me.”
“Do you ever let up?” Emma complained. “No. I came to talk. Jesus, is it that hard to understand? Look, he’s your kid too. First thing you told me when I came into town was that you’d been there for every diaper, every cold, every night of homework. And you were. I never was. If any of my foster moms had been there for me as much as you’ve been there for Henry… she would have been my mom.”
“But Snow White is your mother,” Regina replied.
“Snow White is also Mary Margaret. And they’re both my roommate. She’s my family, she’s my friend… but… I don’t have any memories of growing up with her, you know? She never hugged me on my first day of school. She never watched movies with me when I was sick. Nobody did, not for me. But my kid got all that. From you.”
“Why the sudden change of heart, Miss Swan? I can’t imagine that anyone out there made an attempt to change your mind about me. And last I heard, you thought I was a sociopath who shouldn’t be anywhere near Henry.”
“Well… we worked well together. I mean, we hated each other for every second of it, and Gold fucked us over, and you could have told me there was a giant dragon under the library instead of leaving it for a surprise, but when we were both trying to save Henry, I saw how much you would do for him. How you’d go to anyone who might help you, for him. Like we weren’t that different, because I did all the same things.”
Regina didn’t say anything to that; she looked as if she wanted to ask Emma to get on with her point, but found it too tiring, too meaningless. Emma sat down on a nearby stool; she didn’t want to try to loom over Regina, she just wanted to talk. Really. After a long moment, Regina sat down too, looking far more regal than Emma ever managed.
“I read your story in Henry’s book,” Emma said quietly. “After. Well, it was technically Snow White’s childhood story. I think whoever wrote it was a bit biased. But I read about Daniel, and when you rescued Snow, and your mother telling her father that you’d marry him when you didn’t want to. And then about how you were going to run away, and Snow told your mother, so she killed Daniel.”
“Yes, I was there, I remember it all quite vividly, thank you,” Regina snapped. “Were you going somewhere with this?”
“I had plenty of parents who just wanted to use me for a meal ticket. I was theirs so they could get some money. That’s all. You know how much I ran away from it… I guess I got used to never living any one place long enough, never letting anyone get close enough to use me again. I knew they would if I let them. There are plenty of people out there who think I’m an evil bitch because I hit back when they tried to walk all over me. And I’m not proud of it, but I know for damn sure that if I had been trying to run away from one of my foster homes and some seven-year-old idiot gave me away, I would have hated her too. If she’d gotten someone I loved killed in the process… I don’t know. I didn’t love anyone, not after my first family gave me up.”
“You’re trying to sympathize?” Regina looked uncomprehending for a moment, and then turned it into a sneer. “After everything I’ve done? After all the times I tried to kill your mother, including a few weeks ago? After you call me crazy and kidnap my son? You’re here to try to make up so your life can be some tidy set of packages where you know what the hell you're doing?”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Regina. Give it a fucking rest, will you? I get that you have issues with Mary Margaret. Snow. I guess I get dragged into all that sometimes. But the problem between you and me is that we both want Henry one hundred percent. And when we’re at each other’s throats, neither of us can get what we want. But the thing is, I’m not my mother. She’s the woman who took back a kingdom from you while living in the woods with some dwarfs. I’m the one who only started doing anything for anybody a few months ago and still am probably a poster child for therapy, not that I would ever go. This hero shit that apparently everyone else is so used to? That's not me. Really not me. All I did- all we did- was fight like hell for Henry."
"Being a heroine isn't all that people think," Regina said. "It usually just makes you end up in more trouble than you started with."
"Seriously," Emma agreed, with feeling. "Everyone expects that I'm going to lead them on a grand expedition back home and make all their lives perfect again... what the fuck? When did fixing all of them become my problem? I mean, I don't mind being sheriff and sorting out a few drunk drivers and missing elderly relatives, but finding a way to change the entire world and put about a dozen people back on their thrones?"
"It doesn't get better," Regina said. "All I did was rescue a little girl on a runaway horse and I'm still paying for it."
Emma put her face in her hands. "Well fuck me," she said, a bit muffled.
Regina looked amused. "Is that an invitation, Miss Swan? Is that why you're here?"
"Hah." Emma looked up, the building anxiety popped like a bubble. "Who knows, maybe it is. You know, I once told Ashley that people were going to tell her who she was, and she just had to fight back and tell them who she was. But when it comes down to it... I feel like you and me are the only people in this town who have spent every minute of our lives actually doing that. Everybody out there is so sure of who they are, how they've played their stories to an end they knew would work out, and who they should be with."
"They do," Regina agreed, an attempt at distaste on her face, but it came out as a sadness so deep that Emma wondered how much Regina really did ache inside. "They all decided who I should be. And when it nearly killed me, I fought back, and they said I was an evil queen. I thought that if being an evil queen was the only way to get out of that trap I was in, then I'd be the best evil queen there ever was. Just so I could win. Just once."
"You made your evil. I made... well, mostly just a shitshow of my life, really, and now I've wound up with a sword."
"I wasn't born like this. No one is."
"No, you just get unlucky enough to land in a place where your foster mom says that you can't tell why your foster dad comes into your room at night or you'll end up someplace worse."
"Or where your mother tells you that it doesn't matter who you once loved, you please the king because that's what it takes to be part of a happy royal family."
Suddenly that was too much. Regina looked away from Emma, towards the window to the town beyond, still collecting itself after coming back from mass amnesia. "I always knew that there would be... consequences, responsibility for all the power I took, all the things I did. There was a cost, and I've paid it many times over. But nobody ever told me what the price was for being a good girl, a good daughter."
"They never do," Emma said, her mouth in such a thin line her lips went white. "No one tells you it's a fixed game that you can't win."
"Isn't this a twist," Regina replied with her smooth laugh. "The curse-breaking savior is secretly a member of the league of evil bitches."
"Local chapter, two members."
"That's all it takes." Regina paused. "All in all, though, I don't think we're terrible role models for Henry. I mean, you're a drifter who kidnapped him when it looked like things weren't going your way, but it's nice that he gets to have a dragon-slayer for a mother."
"It could be worse," Emma agreed. "And you're possessive and controlling when you think someone's interfering, but you do take responsibility seriously, instead of just running from it, or trying to."
"Dear God. It almost sounds like we make a set of decent parents." There was such a dismal look on her face that Emma had to laugh.
"That's seriously going to hurt our evil bitch cred, isn't it?"
"Please. I have been stunningly successful at that while raising him. I believe the poisoned apple turnover I gave you so I could have a peaceful relationship with my own son should be proof of that."
"True. But maybe you don't have to poison me to get Henry back. Nobody in town is going to stand up to me. Not now. And I really don't give a damn about their opinions on how I raise my kid. So if you want to come stay with me instead of hiding out here, when Henry and I move into a house tomorrow... well, you're his other mom, and anyone who says anything knows I have a sword."
"That sounds like either a strangely good idea, or a way for us to end up killing each other."
Emma shrugged. "It's the best I've got. Probably a thought that lots of couples have before they move in together."
"Couples?"
"Couple of moms. Isn't like we can get married in Maine anyway, Regina, so unless you're going to take us on a roadtrip to Boston-"
"Emma. I will move in with you and Henry if you stop talking about marriage."
"Absolutely." Emma stood up. "I'll text you the address, it's that blue house over on Cypress. Henry's going to be really happy when he hears about this."
"Henry? You... you told him you were going to talk to me?"
"No. I didn't want to get his hopes up just in case you- just in case. He's just... I think he's realized that... well, how much you cared for him. And that his storybook came true, and maybe he does get hot cocoa from Red Riding Hood and all that, but there's still life. He still has to get up for school and he still has homework that I can't help him with, and he needs a mom who doesn't just order takeout for supper. He misses you. Having the fairy tale savior for a mom is cool, but sometimes a kid wants to know that he'll for sure have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts cut off and a note to be embarrassed about to go with it."
"But he doesn't still hate me?" Regina's eyes were shiny. "He knows that I'm the Evil Queen. That I did everything he accused me of. I just wanted to protect him from ever knowing that."
Emma thought about laying a hand on Regina's shoulder, and then didn't. "He's a stubborn kid. He knows what happened. He knew about the apple turnover before I did. Some people have been telling him how sorry for him they are, that he had to live with you, and that he should hate you. You might have noticed, he doesn't like people telling him what to think."
"No, that had completely slipped past me," said Regina, deadpan. She blinked, her face a smooth mask again. "He got it from nature and nurture, I suppose. Two stubborn mothers."
"Yeah, with a mix like that, I can't promise that living together will be easy."
"Probably the opposite," Regina agreed, and laughed, a real laugh.
"I guess we'll figure it out as we go along. Even if it does turn out to be a bit of a mess."
"It'll be our mess, though, Emma," Regina said. Emma didn't comment on how she didn't call her Miss Swan with all frosty politeness instead. "Not the one that anybody else makes. Just ours."
Emma brushed a hand across Regina's shoulder. "Yeah. Our own evil bitch cottage."
Inspired a bit by Mary Oliver's poem, "Dogfish". (Thanks, redbrunja, for posting it!)
Excerpt:
You don't want to hear the story
of my life, and anyway
I don't want to tell it, I want to listen
to the enormous waterfalls of the sun.
And anyway it's the same old story - - -
a few people just trying,
one way or another,
to survive.
Mostly, I want to be kind.
And nobody, of course, is kind,
or mean,
for a simple reason.