she says isn't it ironic, all I want is gin and platonic.
Asexuality and the Doctor
-a possibly queer theory look at the labels in Doctor Who, my own experience with that identity, and a post that may be kept updated with new thoughts-
In the epic wars of Doctor Who fandom, one particular battle has stood out, often dividing the fans of Classic Doctor Who from those of Russell T. Davies' new series. While the fans of the newer series often proclaim that the Doctor is in love with Rose/Martha/Donna/Jack/Reinette/Other in a manner that suggests the canon we don't see involves many pairs of knickers flung over the TARDIS console, some who grew up snuggling Tom Baker's scarf insist that the Doctor is, in fact, asexual. Either of these labels is problematic, however, because often with all this tossing about of labels, the actual experience and existence of those people with an asexual orientation is obscured.
The first thing it is important to realize is that, like with any sexuality, like with any person, experiences of attraction, relationship, and other facets of life vary widely from person to person. Even those that fit into the heteronormative group are all unique from one relationship to the next. I'll discuss some of the situations I've experienced and the responses I've received as I've identified as an asexual (and even before) but those are my experiences, (as a sex-positive asexual feminist, among other things) and other asexuals may have different ones.
Let's start out with a basic definition of asexual, when it comes to orientation:
"An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are." (AVEN)
That's where we start. It isn't someone who is repressing sexual impulses; it isn't someone who is unable to have sex because of a medical condition, and it certainly isn't limited to amoebas and reproducing by oneself! While scientific studies are only beginning to widely include research on this orientation, asexuality was noticed as far back as Kinsey's "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male" which recognized approximately one percent of the test population experienced no sexual desire, and he marked those down as 'X'. There have been studies and scholarship done since then which further explore this and a brief mention of them can be found on Wikipedia if you look up asexuality.
There's even this character sketch in a novel I read, that I feel describes the situation well:
"And Dr Fairbairn might not be married at all but might have a partner, and children by that partner. Or he might not be interested at all. That, of course, was the most difficult issue to determine. Irene knew that there were people who were just not interested at all, just as there were people who were not in the slightest interested in tennis. This did not mean that they were resentful of people who played tennis, or of people who like to watch tennis; it's just that tennis meant nothing to them." -Alexander McCall Smith, 44 Scotland Street
Now let's get back to the Doctor.
I'm going to focus on the new series because there's more of a presence of maybe-sexual-maybe-not ambiguity going on there, and also because I haven't actually watched all that much of the old series and I'm an ignoramous. (But look, don't try to tell me the medieval bits of The Time Warrior arc are actually interesting, Sarah Jane is the only person that matters there.)
And we'll also stay modern, because that's where the Doctor gets snogged a whole hell of a lot and that makes for good discussion!
While at first it seems like this is inherently a sexual behavior, there are two types of snogging that seems to occur. There are those women (and Jack) who aim for his lips, and then there are the instances where he makes the move to kiss someone else. In the former category, we find Cassandra-as-Rose ("New Earth"), Reinette ("The Girl in the Fireplace"), Lady Christina de Souza ("Planet of the Dead"), and Jack ("Parting of the Ways"). In the latter, where the Doctor initiates, we have Martha ("Smith and Jones") and Rose ("Parting of the Ways"). What are the differences?
When the Doctor is being kissed, he doesn't seem to mind it terribly and even seems to regard it as a boost to his unflappable ego (well, except for when Donna did it). However, he doesn't dwell on it, try to follow it up with another, or regard it as a special bond between him and the other person (which Lady Christina found problematic.) When he is kissing someone else, there is a purpose. He drew the Time Vortex out of Rose. He commandeered a DNA sample from Martha. He doesn't seem to be acting on a purely sexual attraction or purpose.
In my experience with snogging, I found the exercise rather boring and pointless, to be honest. Just plain kissing is alright- but it doesn't feel sexual or especially intimate. Making out seemed to be just slightly less exciting than a dental examination, though at least when it's the dentist is feeling his way around your molars you'll probably leave with a teeth cleaning. So when people talk about making out with someone, or starting out a relationship (of any sort, hookup to marriage) with that sexual stepping-stone, I understand that it is important and desirable to them like I understand gathering nuts is important to a squirrel. But I don't have an empathetic feeling for it. Watching the sexual behaviors and motivations of others is like watching another species.
To the Doctor, watching the behaviors and motivations of humans is like watching another species... because it is. While all of this shows that the Doctor may have similarities with asexuals, I think it could be more logically interpreted that, like asexuals, he is an Other to the human sexual normative group, and experiences these norms as an outsider.
However, this doesn't mean he is wholly precluded from experiencing intimacy and attraction, as asexuals are not precluded from experiencing intimacy and attraction- as well as loving relationships. Like asexuals, he may just experience different sorts. There are many kinds of attraction besides sexual attraction, such as romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, or personality attraction. Maybe Time Lords have even more types (that possibly involve licking things? I don't know.) Personally, I'm attracted to people all the time, for their personality or their looks; my relationships with other people (of any sex) can have aspects of romance, of intellectual companionship, and probably other things. I just don't want to squish my private bits with them, that's all.
In another vein of discussion, there are also a lot of common responses that people get when they start telling their friends and family that they are asexual. This, of course, is exacerbated when it gets talked about on the internet, where people can be hateful little trolls hiding behind usernames. But, due to sites like the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) I think visibility and acceptance are growing, and there are a lot of very supportive people out there, as well.
So let's take a look at some of these responses, and what they mean for asexuals and for the Doctor.
I have one word for you: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMS. Yes, that's right. Fandom made that one up, as far as I know, to keep sticking the asexual label on a population that is clearly reproducing. But who knows? Maybe these Gallifreyan Looms are some big hot kinky sex thing and Time Lords consider YOU asexual for not thinking so! More seriously, though, this presumes that asexuals can't have sex, can't have children. That's just not true. Many asexuals are in relationships with sexual people, and have sex, though they might not have the desire for physical act but enjoy the feeling of companionship they get from being with their partner. And there's nothing wrong with our reproductive systems, after all- you wouldn't say a gay man was impotent just because he wasn't attracted to women, would you?
Maybe. We should, however, keep in mind that homosexuality was not removed from the DSM-IV as a mental disorder until 1973, where it had first been classified as a "sociopathic personality disturbance". The World Health Organization depathologized homosexuality from ICD-10 in 1992. This is very recent history, where a non-heterosexual sexual orientation was thought to be a disease. And while it is true that certain drugs do suppress your sexual drive, and low testosterone levels do impact sexual development, I have also seen statements from many asexuals saying that they have checked on these things with their doctors, and found them perfectly fine. I have talked to my doctors about various lab tests, hormone levels, and medications, and they have not found anything wrong with me in those regards. But see, here's the problem. If you say the Doctor is asexual, you also can't deny that his physiology, from a human standpoint, has something very wrong with it. Then, when the alt!Doctor does become human in "Journey's End", he seems willing to start a sexual relationship with Rose. Why does this seem to equate human health = sexual? So there again pathologizing comes into play.
For some reason, this is considered an appropriate response to "Wow! I have just felt personal freedom in not trying to force myself to like men That Way anymore and wake up some sexual impulse that has never seemed to exist! Let's party!" Instead of buying celebratory drinks, people sometimes seem to think consolation and reassurance is in order. More deeply, though, this realization is something that matters to me: a freedom to express affection in a way I feel comfortable with, a statement of my understanding of myself. And when someone tell me that if I would just fit in with everybody who makes getting laid or getting married be a happy ending it's like they're saying that my current happiness and goal for relationships isn't real, or worthwhile considering. What just happened to my voice?
Let's take a look at the Doctor's story with Rose, though. I ship the Doctor and Rose like FedEx so I admit my analysis is biased, but see what happens? He clings to his supposed asexual identity. He runs from intimacy with her, throws himself down a possibly bottomless pit to avoid mortgages and "I love you"s. But, with the evolution of Ten's identity as he duplicates into a half-human, both Doctors admit that Rose was there, saving him, being the right one for him all along. So the Doctor finally meets the right person and it turns him into a sexual being and they lived happily ever after the end.
And so that relationship model is prioritized above all other type of relationships, in the same line of thought that designates "just friends" to somehow be a lesser relationship than "more than friends".
Yes, please tell me I don't know my own mind, I really like that. Tell me that, nearly a decade after puberty, no sign of sexual desire means that its just a phase I'll grow out of. Sexual people: did YOU have to have sex to know that you wanted it? (In any fashion, I mean; everybody, of course, develops differently and not everyone will have the same level of urges... obviously.) That is, of course, a strange question: if people didn't want it before they had it then why so much curiosity and activity and parental outrage in regards to teenagers having sex? If people honestly didn't want it, never wanted it, before they had it does that make every loss of virginity a rape?
Yes, I'm a virgin. I have had enough offers to take care of that little condition that I haven't bothered to count them, and since they seem to rely on the gentlemen offering being of the opinion that their penis is just oh-so-magical that it would make me want men after all, I'm rather disinclined to take anybody up on that offer. (Does that EVER work on lesbians? Just wondering.) But, just for the sake of musing, let's say I was to have sex. Maybe it would be uncomfortable, maybe it would be pleasant, maybe it would be really nothing more than the "vaginal penetration" it says on the can. So then I've done it, but I still am not attracted to men (or women), because, good experience or not, this orientation of not associating desire and intimacy with sexual behavior is still the way I understand and relate to the world. What then? Do I have sex again and again, with different people, trying to force myself to understand things differently? What about the consent issues involved, if I don't really enthusiastically and knowledgably say yes, I want to do this?
When do I begin losing myself in trying to be something I'm not?
(Sorry. I don't know that I have a Doctor Who parallel for this.)
The Doctor may be fictional. But I'm not.
Well, since asexuality has everything to do with attraction and orientation and isn't dependent upon whether or not you're having sex, if you still experience sexual attraction then celibacy is probably the closest you can get. But hey, asexuals might think you're more interesting to be around, the more things you have on your mind besides getting laid. ;)
See above, re: multiple magic penis offers. More than that, if you keep an eye on www.ksutalon.com for the upcoming Fall 2009 issue, you will see me featured in Talon Magazine's "KSU's Lust List", a list of the hottest students of my alma mater's campus. The magazine called me back for this after I had graduated. Booyah.
And if the Doctor is asexual after all, instead of just alternatively-specied? David Tennant sure wasn't a bad choice for an asexual look.
In any case, whether you identify as straight, gay, bi, an above-the-waist lesbian, a gay man who sleeps with women most of the time, asexual like me, or anything else: Be yourself, be healthy, be loved, and be happy.
Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)
Asexy Beast: The One Percent Club blog
A British documentary on three asexuals in Warwick (part 1 | part 2 | part 3)
Wikipedia entry on asexuality.
-a possibly queer theory look at the labels in Doctor Who, my own experience with that identity, and a post that may be kept updated with new thoughts-
In the epic wars of Doctor Who fandom, one particular battle has stood out, often dividing the fans of Classic Doctor Who from those of Russell T. Davies' new series. While the fans of the newer series often proclaim that the Doctor is in love with Rose/Martha/Donna/Jack/Reinette/Other in a manner that suggests the canon we don't see involves many pairs of knickers flung over the TARDIS console, some who grew up snuggling Tom Baker's scarf insist that the Doctor is, in fact, asexual. Either of these labels is problematic, however, because often with all this tossing about of labels, the actual experience and existence of those people with an asexual orientation is obscured.
The first thing it is important to realize is that, like with any sexuality, like with any person, experiences of attraction, relationship, and other facets of life vary widely from person to person. Even those that fit into the heteronormative group are all unique from one relationship to the next. I'll discuss some of the situations I've experienced and the responses I've received as I've identified as an asexual (and even before) but those are my experiences, (as a sex-positive asexual feminist, among other things) and other asexuals may have different ones.
Let's start out with a basic definition of asexual, when it comes to orientation:
"An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are." (AVEN)
That's where we start. It isn't someone who is repressing sexual impulses; it isn't someone who is unable to have sex because of a medical condition, and it certainly isn't limited to amoebas and reproducing by oneself! While scientific studies are only beginning to widely include research on this orientation, asexuality was noticed as far back as Kinsey's "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male" which recognized approximately one percent of the test population experienced no sexual desire, and he marked those down as 'X'. There have been studies and scholarship done since then which further explore this and a brief mention of them can be found on Wikipedia if you look up asexuality.
There's even this character sketch in a novel I read, that I feel describes the situation well:
"And Dr Fairbairn might not be married at all but might have a partner, and children by that partner. Or he might not be interested at all. That, of course, was the most difficult issue to determine. Irene knew that there were people who were just not interested at all, just as there were people who were not in the slightest interested in tennis. This did not mean that they were resentful of people who played tennis, or of people who like to watch tennis; it's just that tennis meant nothing to them." -Alexander McCall Smith, 44 Scotland Street
Now let's get back to the Doctor.
I'm going to focus on the new series because there's more of a presence of maybe-sexual-maybe-not ambiguity going on there, and also because I haven't actually watched all that much of the old series and I'm an ignoramous. (But look, don't try to tell me the medieval bits of The Time Warrior arc are actually interesting, Sarah Jane is the only person that matters there.)
And we'll also stay modern, because that's where the Doctor gets snogged a whole hell of a lot and that makes for good discussion!
While at first it seems like this is inherently a sexual behavior, there are two types of snogging that seems to occur. There are those women (and Jack) who aim for his lips, and then there are the instances where he makes the move to kiss someone else. In the former category, we find Cassandra-as-Rose ("New Earth"), Reinette ("The Girl in the Fireplace"), Lady Christina de Souza ("Planet of the Dead"), and Jack ("Parting of the Ways"). In the latter, where the Doctor initiates, we have Martha ("Smith and Jones") and Rose ("Parting of the Ways"). What are the differences?
When the Doctor is being kissed, he doesn't seem to mind it terribly and even seems to regard it as a boost to his unflappable ego (well, except for when Donna did it). However, he doesn't dwell on it, try to follow it up with another, or regard it as a special bond between him and the other person (which Lady Christina found problematic.) When he is kissing someone else, there is a purpose. He drew the Time Vortex out of Rose. He commandeered a DNA sample from Martha. He doesn't seem to be acting on a purely sexual attraction or purpose.
In my experience with snogging, I found the exercise rather boring and pointless, to be honest. Just plain kissing is alright- but it doesn't feel sexual or especially intimate. Making out seemed to be just slightly less exciting than a dental examination, though at least when it's the dentist is feeling his way around your molars you'll probably leave with a teeth cleaning. So when people talk about making out with someone, or starting out a relationship (of any sort, hookup to marriage) with that sexual stepping-stone, I understand that it is important and desirable to them like I understand gathering nuts is important to a squirrel. But I don't have an empathetic feeling for it. Watching the sexual behaviors and motivations of others is like watching another species.
To the Doctor, watching the behaviors and motivations of humans is like watching another species... because it is. While all of this shows that the Doctor may have similarities with asexuals, I think it could be more logically interpreted that, like asexuals, he is an Other to the human sexual normative group, and experiences these norms as an outsider.
However, this doesn't mean he is wholly precluded from experiencing intimacy and attraction, as asexuals are not precluded from experiencing intimacy and attraction- as well as loving relationships. Like asexuals, he may just experience different sorts. There are many kinds of attraction besides sexual attraction, such as romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, or personality attraction. Maybe Time Lords have even more types (that possibly involve licking things? I don't know.) Personally, I'm attracted to people all the time, for their personality or their looks; my relationships with other people (of any sex) can have aspects of romance, of intellectual companionship, and probably other things. I just don't want to squish my private bits with them, that's all.
In another vein of discussion, there are also a lot of common responses that people get when they start telling their friends and family that they are asexual. This, of course, is exacerbated when it gets talked about on the internet, where people can be hateful little trolls hiding behind usernames. But, due to sites like the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) I think visibility and acceptance are growing, and there are a lot of very supportive people out there, as well.
So let's take a look at some of these responses, and what they mean for asexuals and for the Doctor.
- "You're asexual? Oh, you mean you reproduce by yourself?"
I have one word for you: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMS. Yes, that's right. Fandom made that one up, as far as I know, to keep sticking the asexual label on a population that is clearly reproducing. But who knows? Maybe these Gallifreyan Looms are some big hot kinky sex thing and Time Lords consider YOU asexual for not thinking so! More seriously, though, this presumes that asexuals can't have sex, can't have children. That's just not true. Many asexuals are in relationships with sexual people, and have sex, though they might not have the desire for physical act but enjoy the feeling of companionship they get from being with their partner. And there's nothing wrong with our reproductive systems, after all- you wouldn't say a gay man was impotent just because he wasn't attracted to women, would you?
- "Are you sure you're alright? Maybe you have a disease. Maybe your meds are making you think this way. Maybe there's something wrong with your hormones."
Maybe. We should, however, keep in mind that homosexuality was not removed from the DSM-IV as a mental disorder until 1973, where it had first been classified as a "sociopathic personality disturbance". The World Health Organization depathologized homosexuality from ICD-10 in 1992. This is very recent history, where a non-heterosexual sexual orientation was thought to be a disease. And while it is true that certain drugs do suppress your sexual drive, and low testosterone levels do impact sexual development, I have also seen statements from many asexuals saying that they have checked on these things with their doctors, and found them perfectly fine. I have talked to my doctors about various lab tests, hormone levels, and medications, and they have not found anything wrong with me in those regards. But see, here's the problem. If you say the Doctor is asexual, you also can't deny that his physiology, from a human standpoint, has something very wrong with it. Then, when the alt!Doctor does become human in "Journey's End", he seems willing to start a sexual relationship with Rose. Why does this seem to equate human health = sexual? So there again pathologizing comes into play.
- "Don't worry! You'll find the right person someday!"
For some reason, this is considered an appropriate response to "Wow! I have just felt personal freedom in not trying to force myself to like men That Way anymore and wake up some sexual impulse that has never seemed to exist! Let's party!" Instead of buying celebratory drinks, people sometimes seem to think consolation and reassurance is in order. More deeply, though, this realization is something that matters to me: a freedom to express affection in a way I feel comfortable with, a statement of my understanding of myself. And when someone tell me that if I would just fit in with everybody who makes getting laid or getting married be a happy ending it's like they're saying that my current happiness and goal for relationships isn't real, or worthwhile considering. What just happened to my voice?
Let's take a look at the Doctor's story with Rose, though. I ship the Doctor and Rose like FedEx so I admit my analysis is biased, but see what happens? He clings to his supposed asexual identity. He runs from intimacy with her, throws himself down a possibly bottomless pit to avoid mortgages and "I love you"s. But, with the evolution of Ten's identity as he duplicates into a half-human, both Doctors admit that Rose was there, saving him, being the right one for him all along. So the Doctor finally meets the right person and it turns him into a sexual being and they lived happily ever after the end.
And so that relationship model is prioritized above all other type of relationships, in the same line of thought that designates "just friends" to somehow be a lesser relationship than "more than friends".
- "You'll grow out of it!" "You should just try sex, then you'd like it."
Yes, please tell me I don't know my own mind, I really like that. Tell me that, nearly a decade after puberty, no sign of sexual desire means that its just a phase I'll grow out of. Sexual people: did YOU have to have sex to know that you wanted it? (In any fashion, I mean; everybody, of course, develops differently and not everyone will have the same level of urges... obviously.) That is, of course, a strange question: if people didn't want it before they had it then why so much curiosity and activity and parental outrage in regards to teenagers having sex? If people honestly didn't want it, never wanted it, before they had it does that make every loss of virginity a rape?
Yes, I'm a virgin. I have had enough offers to take care of that little condition that I haven't bothered to count them, and since they seem to rely on the gentlemen offering being of the opinion that their penis is just oh-so-magical that it would make me want men after all, I'm rather disinclined to take anybody up on that offer. (Does that EVER work on lesbians? Just wondering.) But, just for the sake of musing, let's say I was to have sex. Maybe it would be uncomfortable, maybe it would be pleasant, maybe it would be really nothing more than the "vaginal penetration" it says on the can. So then I've done it, but I still am not attracted to men (or women), because, good experience or not, this orientation of not associating desire and intimacy with sexual behavior is still the way I understand and relate to the world. What then? Do I have sex again and again, with different people, trying to force myself to understand things differently? What about the consent issues involved, if I don't really enthusiastically and knowledgably say yes, I want to do this?
When do I begin losing myself in trying to be something I'm not?
(Sorry. I don't know that I have a Doctor Who parallel for this.)
- "Asexuality? There's no such thing. Everybody has sexual urges."
The Doctor may be fictional. But I'm not.
- "Asexuality? After my last three relationships, I should give that a try!"
Well, since asexuality has everything to do with attraction and orientation and isn't dependent upon whether or not you're having sex, if you still experience sexual attraction then celibacy is probably the closest you can get. But hey, asexuals might think you're more interesting to be around, the more things you have on your mind besides getting laid. ;)
- One that I haven't gotten but always feel like there's the possibility: "Asexuals are just unattractive people who can't find anyone who would WANT to have sex with them."
See above, re: multiple magic penis offers. More than that, if you keep an eye on www.ksutalon.com for the upcoming Fall 2009 issue, you will see me featured in Talon Magazine's "KSU's Lust List", a list of the hottest students of my alma mater's campus. The magazine called me back for this after I had graduated. Booyah.
And if the Doctor is asexual after all, instead of just alternatively-specied? David Tennant sure wasn't a bad choice for an asexual look.
In any case, whether you identify as straight, gay, bi, an above-the-waist lesbian, a gay man who sleeps with women most of the time, asexual like me, or anything else: Be yourself, be healthy, be loved, and be happy.
Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)
Asexy Beast: The One Percent Club blog
A British documentary on three asexuals in Warwick (part 1 | part 2 | part 3)
Wikipedia entry on asexuality.