Found Language Poem: Please fix this for me.
As in its companion piece, " Let's act like we never met," all the words in this found language poem, including the title, are taken directly from LiveJournal Support requests.
Please fix this for me.
Dear dude or dudette,
I'm sorry, I don't know you, but I screwed up badly.
I am known as Persephone on the mountain, Secretary
to the Ambassador Embassy, requiring no sleep, capable
of producing paper, born of the devil and Lucifer's moonchild.
I specialize in electronics, optical tuning, and modeling.
I'm trying to find out what I pay in taxes per year.
Your corner of the internet stank of cat piss, a real nest
for our species in a combative place, and the webpage that opened
was blank except for a picture of a man and a woman,
something that involves medical research. Voices and music,
a song, plays in the background. My brain strobes
like blank photo pretending his hands are guns.
I am thirty years in the future. The page looks different.
There are more buttons. The writing, if I'm not mistaken,
is in Latin! It says in order to become a member, Eva.
What and were is Eva? Is that your favorite animal?
What's with the panda? Is "flaming" arguing, calling someone
names, or some other negative activity? I can't figure it out.
I can't read. Can I send you my picture? Can I send
my drivers license? Is it possible to find someone
without actually looking for them? I've been a friend
to Christianity but it says I've been banned.
I just think it's odd. As an American I thought
I had a right to know what I'm paying for taxes.
I do not take instructions from other ranks. Either you
carry out my request or I go to law. I was told to create
an account and now I'm in some kind of journal.
Once a plant crosses the door jam it dies a horrible,
fortunately quick death. A patriarch suffered with great
dignity during WWII and now in the 21st century
waves of Californians are attempting to cash in
on their multiple neuromuscular difficulties.
Is this a real site? The posts look contrived.
My greatest problem is that when I click on a link
to go to someone else's journal, I am taken to that journal.
You cannot be serious. Do you think we are idiots?
Is this a form of torture? There is nothing wrong with my eyes,
nor my intelligence, and I have typed the words carefully
and correctly each time. Sure I use a swear word here and there,
but your site is so complex I'd never have a life,
never read a book, raise a child, or do anything, if I fiddled
day and night with everything going on. It's too much.
I can't believe you have posted some big ad
across the whole page for some Kanye West guy.
I don't know who Kanye West is, and I don't care. I have tried
almost twenty times to comment about Henry VIII.
This is an affront to my nature. This is a sign your lamp
is running out. This will break my friend's fragile heart.
I'm not impressed in any way with the way you pig-ignorant
cretins run this service. Even better would be a tiny dot.
I want the box. A maze with no cheese should therefore
not be permitted. All nonzero bars should have length
proportional to their value, even movie crosswords.
This is very important to me. I had folded 100 or 200 stars.
My friend gave me this present and I would like to use it. I called
the police to advise them that kissing was disgusting, but he wrote
that everyone seems to have been infected with a horrible virus.
Where in the hell did he get this information? Are they fake?
Did he ever talk about this? I viewed a competition quality
dance on Saint Patrick's Day. What is the name of the dance?
The only reason I ask is because someone is counting
the characters in my profile. I am feeling a bit fragile today
about my intellect. Please let me know why my enthusiasm
for a new crock pot, air conditioner, and mattress would be
offensive to minors. Please send a return email to me today
and tell me what I think about the new page I have created.
Please make sacrificial offerings and perform
whatever voodoo is necessary to teach my children.
Please tell him to watch out for cars. Please
are there any special places in this community
that are likely to match my current desires best or better?
Please stop my thank you.
My biggest wish is that I could go out to Australia.
I discovered him from a school work, and he is my life.
But there are things of his personal life which are contradictory
and make me sad. Is he a ghost or a klansmen? I'm only asking
because I have to shield myself from their attack on my attention span.
I'm kind of tired of the immature "poop pants."
I'll just have you know that I'm the king of the southern
counterfeiters, and yes, those low down back porch good for nothing
rabbis are a bunch of witch doctors and mafia. In addition,
I've spent a great deal of time organizing the various aspects
of my family heritage, pursuant to these ears being
very last ones I very well may live on earth.
Why do we stick with you? I now live in an apartment
with north facing windows, only there was a goat running loose,
and they asked me if it was white. Can anyone tell me
is this normal? I mean, intentional? I am a bit lost. I just want
to give my change of address. I am looking for the benefits
administrator. I don't drink blood or morph into a wolf at night.
I like to read about what others are doing. I have experience
in repairing cars, gardening, and being a servant. I hope
to make money selling the greatest vitamin in the world.
That would pay for a lot of food. On the other hand,
I can't find it in the encyclopedia. How does one spell
the French word for the green color copper turns?
Can we get our arbitration site out of Oregon? What can anybody
be posting that needs security? Thirteen is an unlucky number
in some cultures, and my full name should always be used
for branding purposes. Please make the correction soon. All of us
pray daily that you will become competent. I am not at all sure
how you make friends. I need it for statistics.
I am a bedbound journalist with a chemical bath.
He is a caucasian male, 35 years old, and good looking.
He was watching TV and wearing nothing at all. For some reason
I'm not aware of, we had been married for six years.
It feels like I am going through a time machine.
I hate it. I checked my impressions by a ruler.
Mistress, I don't understand this. Master, please help me.
I am appalled, hurt, and upset. I came across your site
and am interested. Unfortunately, I am unable to prove I am human.
I swear on a stack of Bibles that this is the absolute truth.
Can you send me a copy of Anne Frank's diary?
I will give you this holiday photograph in exchange.
I'm an old friend of Jeff and have been trying for years
to contact him again. Can you please forward this to him?
A white billy goat today is a lemon, a puppet of his father.
Even the paper might as well be another banana republic.
One was about legalizing marijuana and talking about a psychiatrist.
Another option is to go back to the liquor store.
I'm on my way home for lunch, and I have found information
about drug use on a minor's site. What happens when I hit the parent
button that is under some comments? What good does wiping do?
What language is this? To anyone living behind America's emerald curtain:
You incompetent Nazis. You're making me crazy. Just because I'm Jewish
doesn't mean you have the right to treat me with racism and bigotry.
You have drawn a line in the sand, and I will in fact support any boycott
effort that the internet has to boycott your service from here on.
I just want a plain white background, white text, and occasionally change
the banner pictures. That's all. I have never done anything like this
in my life. I would like to say, peace be with you. A member
of the after life religious body will to contact you as soon as possible.
How do I get rid of LiveJournal
and go back to the way it used to be?
Mother be with you,
Secretary
This entry is my submission for therealljidol Season 6, Topic 21: Hyperbole is Literally Hitler. If you liked this entry, please vote for me in this week's poll.
[ 2010 April Poem-A-Day Challenge : 6/30 ]