nobody's home in your house but the lights are on
so i was sick for a couple weeks. i thought i had mono and i dont. i got some huge pills that i should be taking but i feel better already so im not gonna take them anymore. now im in my recovering phase, and it sucks. i sleep too much. i dont have anything to do during the days so i just sleep in as late as i can, and thats bad. i couldnt go to class yesterday cause i didnt write an essay that was due, so know i have to do it when i get home cause i know i wont have time tomorrow. im going out to lunch with a boy tomorrow. hes nice and cute, but hes 23 and im worried about getting involved with another older fellow. they are good at running and hiding, and i dont deserve that. ive been very bitter about my last 'relationship'. i was looking through a friends yahoo photo album and i saw pictures of him and his new gf. and i dont care about him anymore, im just disappointed at myself for letting him put me through so much shit. im glad that im not able to run back to him right now, because hes taken. but i look back at all the stuff i used to write in my journal and i had to laugh. it was a pattern, the first entry would be "we are doing so good, we have been inseperable" and then it skips to one with me saying "its been a month since we have talked" and that shit went on for a whole year! thats insane. im sorry im rambling, im in a very vunerable state right now. my sister decided to remind me that i went through high school without dating anyone, incase i wasnt aware of that. but its too late to change that. it just seems that everyone around me is dating someone and im single as usual. and i never wanted a boyfriend, that was always in issue for me. i didnt want all of the attachments that came along with it. but stupid me didnt realize that that is what makes them stick around. everybody whose not in love is looking for love, so why is it so hard for me to find it? this is bullshit. im in class and i have nooothing to dooooo! we made webpages and i was done a long time ago.