(no subject)
today brian came over and we sprawled on my bed and talked for a long time. i hadn't seen him in nearly two weeks and last night i cried in the shower about it. it's the strangest situation and i never know quite what to do about it when i miss him that much. so i took a hot shower and washed my hair twice. said into my wet palms he's been my best friend in the world since high school. and then today kaitlin and i were walking back from lunch and the sun was so warm and bright and there was brian, just standing there outside the science building smiling at us. so we laid on my bed and talked about what is hard in our lives lately, and then we went to dinner and i ate three pieces of french toast with strawberries and powdered sugar. when we said goodbye he said see you later, linds and that made me smile. i miss our adventures. i do, everyday.
the other night i was about to go to sleep, and the satc came on when carrie is telling aiden all the ways she misses him, and all of a sudden he opens his arms and yells into the street you BROKE! my HEART! and she just stops. and runs home.
my mom called me today to let me know that she'd called about a loft apartment she saw advertised in the paper. it was a loft with a kitchen furnished with a dishwasher and microwave, a balcony and a spiral staircase. and rent was less than $500 a month. i don't even know why i called; i don't want to get your hopes up, she said, because somebody was going back tonight to look at it for a second time. but it was just sweet and cute because that's exactly what i want. it sounded perfect. and my mom was so excited about it being so perfect that she couldn't wait to call me. so it doesn't even matter if i can get it or not. because it will work out. everything always works out and i've never not been happy more than sad. just like i will never not think will & grace is funny and i will never not love the color blue. it's just the way life works.
today we had the english departmental meeting, where all the majors and minors and faculty pile onto couches and overstuffed chairs and all over the floor in a little wooden-floored room. this year dr. watson had three alumni come in and talk about what they're doing now. and it's just so strange. how everyone freaks out about what comes after college. and i've heard more english-major jokes in my life from english majors themselves than from anyone else by far. but i'm not worried about what i'm going to do. i'm going to make some money and i'm going to have flowers in the window sometimes. and i'm going to go out and listen to people make music and i'm going to get ink all over my fingers writing wherever i want. i don't know how it will all happen, but it will. i don't need to land my forever-job and i don't need to retire in ten years. so when people do that little cynical knowing laugh i want to roll my eyes. i'm excited to be able to tell people that i just graduated from college. i will hold it in a fist close to my heart whenever i say it, will be able to grasp that accomplishment and energy and possibility. and if people want to be sarcastic and cynical then they can turn around and talk to the wall. i have never worried like that about what's next because what's next will be beautiful. i believe that. and if it's not then i'll figure that out on my own next.
tonight i ate ice cream in my bed while watching the sox. and when they won, kelly, kaitlin and i jumped around my dorm room screaming. it's thursday already and i have fifty-six days of school left, but who's counting.
the other night i was about to go to sleep, and the satc came on when carrie is telling aiden all the ways she misses him, and all of a sudden he opens his arms and yells into the street you BROKE! my HEART! and she just stops. and runs home.
my mom called me today to let me know that she'd called about a loft apartment she saw advertised in the paper. it was a loft with a kitchen furnished with a dishwasher and microwave, a balcony and a spiral staircase. and rent was less than $500 a month. i don't even know why i called; i don't want to get your hopes up, she said, because somebody was going back tonight to look at it for a second time. but it was just sweet and cute because that's exactly what i want. it sounded perfect. and my mom was so excited about it being so perfect that she couldn't wait to call me. so it doesn't even matter if i can get it or not. because it will work out. everything always works out and i've never not been happy more than sad. just like i will never not think will & grace is funny and i will never not love the color blue. it's just the way life works.
today we had the english departmental meeting, where all the majors and minors and faculty pile onto couches and overstuffed chairs and all over the floor in a little wooden-floored room. this year dr. watson had three alumni come in and talk about what they're doing now. and it's just so strange. how everyone freaks out about what comes after college. and i've heard more english-major jokes in my life from english majors themselves than from anyone else by far. but i'm not worried about what i'm going to do. i'm going to make some money and i'm going to have flowers in the window sometimes. and i'm going to go out and listen to people make music and i'm going to get ink all over my fingers writing wherever i want. i don't know how it will all happen, but it will. i don't need to land my forever-job and i don't need to retire in ten years. so when people do that little cynical knowing laugh i want to roll my eyes. i'm excited to be able to tell people that i just graduated from college. i will hold it in a fist close to my heart whenever i say it, will be able to grasp that accomplishment and energy and possibility. and if people want to be sarcastic and cynical then they can turn around and talk to the wall. i have never worried like that about what's next because what's next will be beautiful. i believe that. and if it's not then i'll figure that out on my own next.
tonight i ate ice cream in my bed while watching the sox. and when they won, kelly, kaitlin and i jumped around my dorm room screaming. it's thursday already and i have fifty-six days of school left, but who's counting.