fools in love
fools in love
onew-centric, jonghyun/key
3911 words
"I wish I could," Kibum says. "But I've always been terrible at fixing things."
fools in love
i would run, i would fly
if you came into my heart
then i would stay next to you like river water flows
if you came into my heart
- if you came into my heart (mblaq)
Jinki sees and understands more than they give him credit for. Jinki is older and wiser and more jaded than the rest of them, Jinki is not as clumsy and foolish as bumbling as they think he is.
Jonghyun and Kibum didn't like each other in the beginning. They were too alike to be friends, too mischievous and eye-catching and fragile, and so they hurt each other too easily. But Jinki watched as they attempted to bridge the distance, to transform cool, hard looks into polite nods. As Jonghyun complimented Kibum's dance moves, and Kibum smiled back with something glittering in his eyes.
And now they are best friends. Jinki has always been in awe of how the two of them have gone from almost-enemies to the best of friends, but then again, put Jonghyun and Kibum together and you get the strangest pair possible. Put Kim Jonghyun and Kim Kibum together, and you get the impossible.
Today he watches out of the corner of his eye as Kibum mutters something under his breath and Jonghyun laughs, gazing at Kibum all starry-eyed, his hand hovering over Kibum's shoulder as if he is trying to keep him by his side forever.
This is wrong. This absolutely cannot happen, because this group means a lot to all five of them, and a relationship will ruin all their dynamics and subsequently, their careers. But at the same time, as Jinki watches Jonghyun turn his face up towards Kibum, smiling with all the sunshine in the world, he wonders how anything that wrong can possibly look so beautiful.
So today he is watching, as usual. They are all sleeping in the van, all of them except Jinki, of course. Jonghyun and Kibum have their heads pressed together as they nod off, hair flopping around with every jerk of the vehicle.
Jinki watches as Jonghyun's eyes open into tiny black slits, as he tilts his head and looks at Kibum, as he reaches out to brush Kibum's hair just the slightest. The van jerks to a stop; they have reached home. Kibum stirs, opening his eyes blearily to meet Jonghyun's bright gaze. "We're here," Jinki hears Jonghyun say, and Kibum nods wearily.
Jinki watches as Jonghyun presses his palms against Kibum's back as they walk towards the apartment, as Jonghyun pours in all his strength into Kibum, and cannot help but wonder why Jonghyun is being so foolish.
They are learning their new choreography, and Jonghyun cannot seem to be able to do that move quite right.
"No, you're doing it wrongly," Kibum says, impatient as always. He walks over, arranges Jonghyun's arm and drums his fingers against Jonghyun's hips to make him shift into the correct position. Kibum doesn't notice the tiny curve of Jonghyun's lips or the way his eyes are brighter than a supernova. Kibum hasn't noticed - not now, not ever, not since the start.
And then either Kibum presses Jonghyun a little too hard or Jonghyun loses his balance, but they are both crumpled onto the ground, faces inches away from each other. They stay like that for a while, Jonghyun suspended above Kibum's body, and Jinki has no idea what to think or do or say. Jonghyun is staring down at Kibum with wide, open eyes, and Jinki crosses his fingers and prays Jonghyun doesn't do anything stupid like kiss Kibum right in front of everyone.
"Jjong," Kibum says. "Can you, you know, move?"
Jonghyun laughs quietly and rolls away, his cheeks pink. Kibum gets up, striding over to his spot lithely, not noticing the way Jonghyun's eyes are lingering on him.
"Are you guys okay?" Jinki asks, in his role of the good and worrisome leader.
Kibum turns to look at him, gives him a thumbs-up as he grins without a care in the world. Jonghyun, though, is blinking down at his feet, clearly thinking about the almost-kiss they'd shared just now.
What a mess, Jinki thinks, sighing inwardly.
Jinki should have known Jonghyun would do it. Jonghyun is eager and open and always fights for whatever he wants. Jonghyun follows his heart, not his mind. Jonghyun is fragile and breakable and helpless, but nobody seems to be able to see this fact except Jinki.
They are all eating in a tense silence during breakfast, Kibum's gaze fixed onto his bowl, his eyes betraying nothing. Jonghyun excuses himself from the table, his food barely touched, and escapes into his room. Anybody would have been able to guess what had happened - even Minho and Taemin are exchanging knowing, slightly afraid looks.
It's up to him to see to this situation, because he is the leader. Jinki rises, pats Kibum's shoulder, then goes after Jonghyun. "Hey," he says to Jonghyun, who is curled up under the blankets, a tiny lump. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Jonghyun says, voice muffled. He sounds lost and alone, and certainly not fine at all. Jinki sits down beside him, the bed sinking with their weight. "Really, hyung, just - just leave me alone, please?"
"After I ask you something," Jinki tells him. "What happened to you and Kibum?"
"Nothing," Jonghyun says, voice cracking with the weight of the truth he's just spoken. Jinki knows it as well as Jonghyun does - nothing happened, because Jonghyun has confessed but Kibum has not accepted his heart.
Why were you stupid enough to fall in love with your best friend, Jinki wants to yell at Jonghyun. Why did you give away your entire heart to someone you know you're not supposed to be with? Did you think you were strong enough to deal with this, or that you were bright enough to capture his thoughts? Or were you simply not thinking at all?
But he doesn't say anything, because nothing he says can change the facts, so he just goes back out to tell a confused Taemin and worried Minho and cool Kibum that Jonghyun will probably be fine in a while.
Key brings her to the apartment, her eyes wide in delight at the fact that he thinks she is important enough to show his best friends. She is skinny and pretty and sweet-faced, all the things Jonghyun is not, and Jinki cannot help but wonder if Kibum is doing this on purpose. He decides probably not, though, Kibum might be sharp-tongued and mean sometimes, but he wouldn't do this to hurt his best friend. Not voluntarily, anyway.
Jinki is impressed by Jonghyun's ability to sit right there and watch as Kibum holds her hand and smiles at her and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ears. He is uncharacteristically silent, though, picking at his food and staring blankly at a random spot in the room.
"So, who's your favorite member of SHINee?" Taemin asks, spooning his soup into his mouth.
The girl laughs a little, and Jinki sees it - the way she presses her hand against her mouth, just like Jonghyun. The way her eyes are as bright and lovely as Jonghyun's, how she unconsciously sticks her tongue out.
He wouldn't, Jinki thinks. Oh, Kibum, you wouldn't.
"Jonghyun-oppa," the girl confesses, corners of her mouth twisted upwards.
Jonghyun glances up at the sound of his name. Just then, Kibum's eyes flit over to meet his, and when Jonghyun attempts to hold his gaze, Kibum jerks his head away as if he was burned. Jonghyun laughs awkwardly, the sound harsh and cool.
Later that night Kibum disappears away with her, and Jinki cannot find any excuse to ask him to stay, because this is their vacation period and Kibum can basically do whatever he wants as long as he comes back int he morning. Jonghyun is still quiet, even more so in the dark of the night, although Jinki can hear him tossing and turning.
"Jonghyun?"
Minho and Taemin are outside in the living room watching a movie, so they are the only two in the room since Kibum hasn't returned. Jonghyun stills, but stays silent - probably trying to pretend he's asleep.
"Are you," Jinki says, swallowing. "Are you okay?"
Jonghyun doesn't respond, and Jinki sighs, too exhausted to care. It is only when he is on the edge of sleep when he hears Jonghyun say not really, and he jerks awake.
Determined, Jinki peels off the covers and crawls into bed beside Jonghyun. "Hey!" Jonghyun says, voice too weak to sound annoyed.
Jinki sticks his cold toes against Jonghyun's leg, and Jonghyun slides further away. "You are so annoying, hyung," Jonghyun says, but Jinki can tell by the slightly grateful tone in his voice that Jonghyun needed comfort and warmth and someone there beside him to keep him away from the nightmares, to stem the flow of thoughts about Kibum.
Jinki splays his fingers against Jonghyun's bicep. "Go to sleep," he says softly. "I'm here now."
The night darkens when Jonghyun shuts his eyes, the only source of light in the room vanishing.
"Time for breakfast," Kibum says, voice sharp and too near. Jinki blinks blearily and sits up, nearly banging into Kibum, who is leaning over him. "Wake that idiot up too, by the way."
He leaves the room. Jinki rubs his eyes and glances over at Jonghyun, who is still sleeping beside him. "Hey," Jinki says, voice rough with sleep. He shakes Jonghyun. "Wake up."
Jonghyun stirs, flinging his arm wildly and against Jinki's face. "Ow," Jinki yelps, clutching his chin.
Jonghyun immediately crawls up, pressing close as his fingers wander around Jinki's face. "Are you okay, hyung? I'm so sorry."
"I'm fine," Jinki says, wincing, and Jonghyun laughs a little. The door opens again, and Kibum is there, eyes narrowed. He's never been a morning person, but today Kibum looks a little more annoyed than usual.
"Look, I don't care if the two of you tired yourselves out by doing - whatever it is you were doing - last night, but just please, come and eat breakfast, okay?"
Jinki blinks, then realizes Kibum has just caught him sleeping beside Jonghyun. "Oh," he says, flushing. "We didn't, you know, do anything."
Jonghyun doesn't say a word, and when Jinki turns to look at him, he finds Jonghyun staring at Kibum, a silent plea in his eyes. Kibum simply walks back out, leaving the door open behind him.
"Sorry," Jinki says. "You know, that he misunderstood."
Jonghyun cracks a smile, something dimming in his eyes. "Nah," he says, swinging his legs off the bed. "There was nothing to misunderstand, and it doesn't matter if he misunderstood anyway."
It does, Jinki thinks as Jonghyun leaves the room, looking incredibly lonely. It matters to you, doesn't it?
Then he sighs and heads for breakfast, wondering how things had gotten so complicated in a matter of days.
They have been avoiding each other for far too long, long enough for the fans to get suspicious. A netizen suggested that maybe Jonghyun had rejected Kibum (that comment alone had gotten up to five hundred replies from a mixture of irate fans saying that their oppas definitely weren't gay and the ones who squealed, "I'm already working on a fanfiction about this!"), and Jinki had glanced through all of it and thought, you don't know the half of it.
Their manager has a talk with them. "I don't care if you're having a spat," he says sternly. "This is not what the fans want to see, especially not after that whole thing with 2PM, you hear me? I don't care if you never talk to each other again privately, but out there -" He points outside of the window. "In public, in front of the cameras, you better act like you're still best friends." He turns his gaze on Jinki. "You're the leader. Please ensure they do what they're told."
Jinki nods, and the five of them are left alone, hands tented on the cool conference table. "Um," Jinki says, wincing at how loud his voice is in the quiet room. "So, you heard what hyung said, right?"
Kibum speaks first. "Right," he says, gaze cool. "Don't worry, we'll do as we're told."
He doesn't ask for Jonghyun's confirmation - but then again, they all know that Jonghyun has always gone along with whatever decisions Kibum makes.
"Yeah," Jonghyun says. "I got it, hyung."
"I don't really know what happened," Taemin says quietly. "But I hope you two will be okay."
Kibum is silent, and it is Jonghyun who ruffles Taemin's hair and puts on a smile and tells him they will be fine and not to worry about it.
You liar, Jinki thinks, but when Taemin glances at him for confirmation, he nods along anyway. They are idols, this is their job - to lie every single day.
Jinki had thought their manager's scolding would make everything better - Jonghyun and Kibum would start talking and laughing on shows again, learn that they simply cannot live without each other, and then make up and go back to being best friends again.
Jonghyun and Kibum start talking and laughing on shows again. Jonghyun learns that he simply cannot live without Kibum, judging from the way he hangs onto Kibum's every word like a lost puppy and the way he smiles a little differently. How he blooms whenever Kibum pays attention to him, and tries to make himself funnier just to see Kibum laugh at him. How he is so obviously in love with Kibum that Jinki cannot help but wonder why no-one else sees this blatant display of affection.
Off camera, out of the public eye, Kibum's smile dims and he disappears from Jonghyun's side. Jonghyun is left with a fragment of a memory of Kibum laughing along with him, and he is perhaps even more helpless than before. Jinki sees it all - how Jonghyun stares at Kibum all the time, how he only smiles on camera, how he flinches when Kibum loops his arm through his, then relaxes and sinks back into Kibum's touch again.
On the other hand, Kibum seems ridiculously steely and uncaring. He drops Jonghyun's hand like a hot potato once the PD announces that the cameras are off and shifts at least five inches away, ignoring the desperate fall of Jonghyun's face. He talks to everyone else but Jonghyun.
But then again, when Jonghyun trips and falls during dance practice, Jinki catches Kibum halting immediately, his hand stretched out towards Jonghyun, then shrinking back again. When Jonghyun doesn't finish his breakfast or lunch or dinner - the boy was now so skinny his cheekbones could cut paper -, Kibum stares at him for a while, the worry in his eyes plain as day.
Jonghyun doesn't notice though - he's too caught up in his own misery, and well, he was never that astute to begin with. So Jinki decides to take matters into his own hands and have a chat with Kibum.
"Look," Jinki says tiredly. "I know Jonghyun probably confessed to you, and you probably rejected him, but... What is going on now?"
Kibum doesn't look surprised that Jinki has figured this all out. Jinki gets the feeling that Kibum is possibly the only person in the world who believes that Jinki is smarter than he looks. "Nothing," he says, with a tiny quirk of his lips. "Absolutely nothing."
"Yes, nothing," Jinki says. "Isn't that the problem?"
"I don't see how that's a problem," Kibum says, scratching at his elbow. "It doesn't affect you, or Minho, or Taemin, does it?"
"It does," Jinki says. "It affects all of us. Have you looked at him properly, Kibum? He's practically drowning in self-pity right now, and pretty soon everyone's going to figure it out."
Kibum looks away, and Jinki sees his fists clench. Don't act like you don't care about him when you obviously do, Jinki thinks. You were never a great liar, Kibum-ah.
"You love him," Jinki says quietly. "So fix him, Kibum."
Kibum's answering smile is soft, reminding Jinki of old, familiar clothes and warm mugs of coffee. "I wish I could," Kibum says. "But I've always been terrible at fixing things."
They fall silent, then. After a while, Kibum leans his head on Jinki's shoulder, and Jinki can feel the flutter of his eyelashes as he seals his eyes shut. Jinki hadn't realized before, but Kibum was probably hurting just as much as Jonghyun was. And nobody could do anything about that, because the only way to take away the pain was for them to do something awfully, awfully wrong.
"What did you tell him?"
"That I didn't love him," Kibum whispers, burying his face nearer into Jinki's T-shirt. "That I couldn't."
"Could you?"
Kibum doesn't answer, and Jinki doesn't ask him anything more. He supposes the two of them have to figure things out on their own, like the way they've always been, right from the start - they figured out how to survive together without glaring at each other every time they met, they figured out how to close up the gaps and look past the enmities and learn to become friends, they figured out how to become close as close could be.
"Are they having a break-up, or something?"
Jinki blinks confusedly at Minho. "What? No!" He says, shocked.
Minho raises an eyebrow. "So it's just a quarrel? They're going to be fine?"
"Well," Jinki says. "I don't really know." And then he thinks of something. "Wait, Minho, what do you mean break-up?"
Minho sighs, as if he cannot believe how stupid Jinki is. "Jonghyun-hyung and Kibum," he says slowly. "Aren't they together?"
"Um," Jinki says, fumbling for words. "No."
"You mean Jonghyun-hyung hasn't asked?" Minho says, propping his head on his hands. "I didn't expect he'd be so slow."
So Minho knew, although he was slightly off the mark. Jinki smiles slightly. "They'll be fine, I suppose," he says. "You know how they get. They'll be best friends again in no time."
"But, hyung," Minho says, his eyes a deep black. "I thought they wanted to be more than best friends."
Jonghyun wants to be, but Kibum. Jinki sighs, running a hand through his hair. Kibum is a problem.
Kibum can be selfish and demanding and immature at times, but one thing Kibum doesn't do is to hurt the people he loves. And he loves Jonghyun, he really does, and if he has rejected Jonghyun, it probably means he knows they are better off as friends.
"They'll be okay," Jinki repeats. The phrase sounds comfortable in his mouth, and he hopes it's a sign that everything will turn out fine in the end.
Things start getting out of hand when Jonghyun faints during after their comeback performance. He's been pushing himself so hard, wanting to prove himself to Kibum that he is the very best, wanting to prove to the rest of the world that he is perfectly fine, and honestly, Jinki is surprised he hasn't collapsed before this.
"Hyung," Taemin says, pressing close to Jonghyun. "Are you okay?"
Jonghyun offers a weak smile. He is still bright even when he is pale and shaky, still eye-catching. "Yeah," he says. "I'm fine."
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
They all turn to look at Kibum, who is standing slightly further away with lightning flashing in his eyes. Behind the anger though, Jinki can see the worry and raw fear swimming inside. He thinks about how Kibum had been the first to dart forward, how he had caught Jonghyun before he could fall. He thinks about how he'd thought, why couldn't you have caught him before he fell, all those years ago?
"I'm sorry," Jonghyun says, blinking.
"Well, you bloody well should be," Kibum snaps. Jinki can hear the unspoken words behind his fury: for scaring all of us, for scaring me, for breaking my heart.
Jonghyun doesn't hear though, judging from the way he looks like he's about to fall apart. For some reason, Kibum strips him of all thought and mental capabilities.
"I think," Jinki says carefully. "The two of you should have a talk."
Minho nods, standing up. "I agree," he says, a hand on the door. "Come on, Taemin-ah."
Taemin clambers away from Jonghyun and trails after Minho. Jinki shuts the door behind them, wishing for the very best for two boys he loves with all his heart.
They are still the best of friends. Jonghyun tells him this with a faraway look in his eyes, the corners of his mouth weighed down slightly by his regret. "It wouldn't have worked out anyway," he tells Jinki, although judging from the tone of his voice, he probably wishes they could have tried anyway, because this is the way Jonghyun is - daring and brave and possibly the stupidest person Jinki has ever met. Because Jonghyun is not afraid of love the way Kibum seems to be.
They are still the best of friends. Kibum tells him this matter-of-factly, with a tone of finality. "It wouldn't have worked out anyway," he tells Jinki. Jinki knows Kibum loves Jonghyun, and he knows this is the extent as to how much love Kibum can give without handing his entire heart over to Jonghyun.
They will get married, Jinki knows. Jonghyun will do it first, with a pale girl who has red lips and is thin, just like the way he's always said (Jinki pretends not to realize that if you swapped girl with boy, you got Kim Kibum). Kibum will be Jonghyun's best man, and he will smile at Jonghyun as bright and lovely as a rainbow, because despite the regrets and the what-could-have-beens, he is truly happy for Jonghyun.
They will be the best of friends. "Hey," Kibum says. "Haven't you heard? That whole thing about best friends lasting forever and boyfriends whenever. Or something like that." And Jinki sees - Jinki has seen it all, right from the start.
"He loves me," Jonghyun says, when talking to Jinki about what had gone on in the room between he and Kibum that day. "He loves me, but he can't. And I guess that's enough for me."
This is the way Jonghyun is, too - easygoing and accepting and ridiculously nice. Enough in Jonghyun's dictionary means Kibum will smile at him and talk and laugh with him and occasionally link their arms together. Kibum will fall asleep on Jonghyun's shoulder while Jonghyun watches with slight awe and amazement, memorizing every curve of Kibum's face, fingers hovering over the line of Kibum's jaw.
"We'll both end up dating someone else," Kibum says, laughing at the thought of it. "I'll probably think all the girls in the world will not be good enough for him. I'll probably be irrationally jealous when I see them together, and not talk to him until he comes and looks for me to ask what's wrong. I'll probably regret not saying yes to him, but then again, when have I not regretted any of my decisions?"
"We'll both end up dating someone else," Jonghyun says, the fire in his eyes a dull spark. "I'll probably wish I was the one there beside him. But I'll probably be a coward and tell him she is perfect for him, that he will be happy with her, even though throughout it all I will be thinking that I am the one who can make him laugh the loudest and smile the brightest and love the hardest."
Idiots, Jinki thinks. Fools in love. But they are happy the way they are now. They are still the best of friends, they still have each other, and isn't that the one thing that matters the most of all?
onew-centric, jonghyun/key
3911 words
"I wish I could," Kibum says. "But I've always been terrible at fixing things."
fools in love
i would run, i would fly
if you came into my heart
then i would stay next to you like river water flows
if you came into my heart
- if you came into my heart (mblaq)
Jinki sees and understands more than they give him credit for. Jinki is older and wiser and more jaded than the rest of them, Jinki is not as clumsy and foolish as bumbling as they think he is.
Jonghyun and Kibum didn't like each other in the beginning. They were too alike to be friends, too mischievous and eye-catching and fragile, and so they hurt each other too easily. But Jinki watched as they attempted to bridge the distance, to transform cool, hard looks into polite nods. As Jonghyun complimented Kibum's dance moves, and Kibum smiled back with something glittering in his eyes.
And now they are best friends. Jinki has always been in awe of how the two of them have gone from almost-enemies to the best of friends, but then again, put Jonghyun and Kibum together and you get the strangest pair possible. Put Kim Jonghyun and Kim Kibum together, and you get the impossible.
Today he watches out of the corner of his eye as Kibum mutters something under his breath and Jonghyun laughs, gazing at Kibum all starry-eyed, his hand hovering over Kibum's shoulder as if he is trying to keep him by his side forever.
This is wrong. This absolutely cannot happen, because this group means a lot to all five of them, and a relationship will ruin all their dynamics and subsequently, their careers. But at the same time, as Jinki watches Jonghyun turn his face up towards Kibum, smiling with all the sunshine in the world, he wonders how anything that wrong can possibly look so beautiful.
So today he is watching, as usual. They are all sleeping in the van, all of them except Jinki, of course. Jonghyun and Kibum have their heads pressed together as they nod off, hair flopping around with every jerk of the vehicle.
Jinki watches as Jonghyun's eyes open into tiny black slits, as he tilts his head and looks at Kibum, as he reaches out to brush Kibum's hair just the slightest. The van jerks to a stop; they have reached home. Kibum stirs, opening his eyes blearily to meet Jonghyun's bright gaze. "We're here," Jinki hears Jonghyun say, and Kibum nods wearily.
Jinki watches as Jonghyun presses his palms against Kibum's back as they walk towards the apartment, as Jonghyun pours in all his strength into Kibum, and cannot help but wonder why Jonghyun is being so foolish.
They are learning their new choreography, and Jonghyun cannot seem to be able to do that move quite right.
"No, you're doing it wrongly," Kibum says, impatient as always. He walks over, arranges Jonghyun's arm and drums his fingers against Jonghyun's hips to make him shift into the correct position. Kibum doesn't notice the tiny curve of Jonghyun's lips or the way his eyes are brighter than a supernova. Kibum hasn't noticed - not now, not ever, not since the start.
And then either Kibum presses Jonghyun a little too hard or Jonghyun loses his balance, but they are both crumpled onto the ground, faces inches away from each other. They stay like that for a while, Jonghyun suspended above Kibum's body, and Jinki has no idea what to think or do or say. Jonghyun is staring down at Kibum with wide, open eyes, and Jinki crosses his fingers and prays Jonghyun doesn't do anything stupid like kiss Kibum right in front of everyone.
"Jjong," Kibum says. "Can you, you know, move?"
Jonghyun laughs quietly and rolls away, his cheeks pink. Kibum gets up, striding over to his spot lithely, not noticing the way Jonghyun's eyes are lingering on him.
"Are you guys okay?" Jinki asks, in his role of the good and worrisome leader.
Kibum turns to look at him, gives him a thumbs-up as he grins without a care in the world. Jonghyun, though, is blinking down at his feet, clearly thinking about the almost-kiss they'd shared just now.
What a mess, Jinki thinks, sighing inwardly.
Jinki should have known Jonghyun would do it. Jonghyun is eager and open and always fights for whatever he wants. Jonghyun follows his heart, not his mind. Jonghyun is fragile and breakable and helpless, but nobody seems to be able to see this fact except Jinki.
They are all eating in a tense silence during breakfast, Kibum's gaze fixed onto his bowl, his eyes betraying nothing. Jonghyun excuses himself from the table, his food barely touched, and escapes into his room. Anybody would have been able to guess what had happened - even Minho and Taemin are exchanging knowing, slightly afraid looks.
It's up to him to see to this situation, because he is the leader. Jinki rises, pats Kibum's shoulder, then goes after Jonghyun. "Hey," he says to Jonghyun, who is curled up under the blankets, a tiny lump. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Jonghyun says, voice muffled. He sounds lost and alone, and certainly not fine at all. Jinki sits down beside him, the bed sinking with their weight. "Really, hyung, just - just leave me alone, please?"
"After I ask you something," Jinki tells him. "What happened to you and Kibum?"
"Nothing," Jonghyun says, voice cracking with the weight of the truth he's just spoken. Jinki knows it as well as Jonghyun does - nothing happened, because Jonghyun has confessed but Kibum has not accepted his heart.
Why were you stupid enough to fall in love with your best friend, Jinki wants to yell at Jonghyun. Why did you give away your entire heart to someone you know you're not supposed to be with? Did you think you were strong enough to deal with this, or that you were bright enough to capture his thoughts? Or were you simply not thinking at all?
But he doesn't say anything, because nothing he says can change the facts, so he just goes back out to tell a confused Taemin and worried Minho and cool Kibum that Jonghyun will probably be fine in a while.
Key brings her to the apartment, her eyes wide in delight at the fact that he thinks she is important enough to show his best friends. She is skinny and pretty and sweet-faced, all the things Jonghyun is not, and Jinki cannot help but wonder if Kibum is doing this on purpose. He decides probably not, though, Kibum might be sharp-tongued and mean sometimes, but he wouldn't do this to hurt his best friend. Not voluntarily, anyway.
Jinki is impressed by Jonghyun's ability to sit right there and watch as Kibum holds her hand and smiles at her and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ears. He is uncharacteristically silent, though, picking at his food and staring blankly at a random spot in the room.
"So, who's your favorite member of SHINee?" Taemin asks, spooning his soup into his mouth.
The girl laughs a little, and Jinki sees it - the way she presses her hand against her mouth, just like Jonghyun. The way her eyes are as bright and lovely as Jonghyun's, how she unconsciously sticks her tongue out.
He wouldn't, Jinki thinks. Oh, Kibum, you wouldn't.
"Jonghyun-oppa," the girl confesses, corners of her mouth twisted upwards.
Jonghyun glances up at the sound of his name. Just then, Kibum's eyes flit over to meet his, and when Jonghyun attempts to hold his gaze, Kibum jerks his head away as if he was burned. Jonghyun laughs awkwardly, the sound harsh and cool.
Later that night Kibum disappears away with her, and Jinki cannot find any excuse to ask him to stay, because this is their vacation period and Kibum can basically do whatever he wants as long as he comes back int he morning. Jonghyun is still quiet, even more so in the dark of the night, although Jinki can hear him tossing and turning.
"Jonghyun?"
Minho and Taemin are outside in the living room watching a movie, so they are the only two in the room since Kibum hasn't returned. Jonghyun stills, but stays silent - probably trying to pretend he's asleep.
"Are you," Jinki says, swallowing. "Are you okay?"
Jonghyun doesn't respond, and Jinki sighs, too exhausted to care. It is only when he is on the edge of sleep when he hears Jonghyun say not really, and he jerks awake.
Determined, Jinki peels off the covers and crawls into bed beside Jonghyun. "Hey!" Jonghyun says, voice too weak to sound annoyed.
Jinki sticks his cold toes against Jonghyun's leg, and Jonghyun slides further away. "You are so annoying, hyung," Jonghyun says, but Jinki can tell by the slightly grateful tone in his voice that Jonghyun needed comfort and warmth and someone there beside him to keep him away from the nightmares, to stem the flow of thoughts about Kibum.
Jinki splays his fingers against Jonghyun's bicep. "Go to sleep," he says softly. "I'm here now."
The night darkens when Jonghyun shuts his eyes, the only source of light in the room vanishing.
"Time for breakfast," Kibum says, voice sharp and too near. Jinki blinks blearily and sits up, nearly banging into Kibum, who is leaning over him. "Wake that idiot up too, by the way."
He leaves the room. Jinki rubs his eyes and glances over at Jonghyun, who is still sleeping beside him. "Hey," Jinki says, voice rough with sleep. He shakes Jonghyun. "Wake up."
Jonghyun stirs, flinging his arm wildly and against Jinki's face. "Ow," Jinki yelps, clutching his chin.
Jonghyun immediately crawls up, pressing close as his fingers wander around Jinki's face. "Are you okay, hyung? I'm so sorry."
"I'm fine," Jinki says, wincing, and Jonghyun laughs a little. The door opens again, and Kibum is there, eyes narrowed. He's never been a morning person, but today Kibum looks a little more annoyed than usual.
"Look, I don't care if the two of you tired yourselves out by doing - whatever it is you were doing - last night, but just please, come and eat breakfast, okay?"
Jinki blinks, then realizes Kibum has just caught him sleeping beside Jonghyun. "Oh," he says, flushing. "We didn't, you know, do anything."
Jonghyun doesn't say a word, and when Jinki turns to look at him, he finds Jonghyun staring at Kibum, a silent plea in his eyes. Kibum simply walks back out, leaving the door open behind him.
"Sorry," Jinki says. "You know, that he misunderstood."
Jonghyun cracks a smile, something dimming in his eyes. "Nah," he says, swinging his legs off the bed. "There was nothing to misunderstand, and it doesn't matter if he misunderstood anyway."
It does, Jinki thinks as Jonghyun leaves the room, looking incredibly lonely. It matters to you, doesn't it?
Then he sighs and heads for breakfast, wondering how things had gotten so complicated in a matter of days.
They have been avoiding each other for far too long, long enough for the fans to get suspicious. A netizen suggested that maybe Jonghyun had rejected Kibum (that comment alone had gotten up to five hundred replies from a mixture of irate fans saying that their oppas definitely weren't gay and the ones who squealed, "I'm already working on a fanfiction about this!"), and Jinki had glanced through all of it and thought, you don't know the half of it.
Their manager has a talk with them. "I don't care if you're having a spat," he says sternly. "This is not what the fans want to see, especially not after that whole thing with 2PM, you hear me? I don't care if you never talk to each other again privately, but out there -" He points outside of the window. "In public, in front of the cameras, you better act like you're still best friends." He turns his gaze on Jinki. "You're the leader. Please ensure they do what they're told."
Jinki nods, and the five of them are left alone, hands tented on the cool conference table. "Um," Jinki says, wincing at how loud his voice is in the quiet room. "So, you heard what hyung said, right?"
Kibum speaks first. "Right," he says, gaze cool. "Don't worry, we'll do as we're told."
He doesn't ask for Jonghyun's confirmation - but then again, they all know that Jonghyun has always gone along with whatever decisions Kibum makes.
"Yeah," Jonghyun says. "I got it, hyung."
"I don't really know what happened," Taemin says quietly. "But I hope you two will be okay."
Kibum is silent, and it is Jonghyun who ruffles Taemin's hair and puts on a smile and tells him they will be fine and not to worry about it.
You liar, Jinki thinks, but when Taemin glances at him for confirmation, he nods along anyway. They are idols, this is their job - to lie every single day.
Jinki had thought their manager's scolding would make everything better - Jonghyun and Kibum would start talking and laughing on shows again, learn that they simply cannot live without each other, and then make up and go back to being best friends again.
Jonghyun and Kibum start talking and laughing on shows again. Jonghyun learns that he simply cannot live without Kibum, judging from the way he hangs onto Kibum's every word like a lost puppy and the way he smiles a little differently. How he blooms whenever Kibum pays attention to him, and tries to make himself funnier just to see Kibum laugh at him. How he is so obviously in love with Kibum that Jinki cannot help but wonder why no-one else sees this blatant display of affection.
Off camera, out of the public eye, Kibum's smile dims and he disappears from Jonghyun's side. Jonghyun is left with a fragment of a memory of Kibum laughing along with him, and he is perhaps even more helpless than before. Jinki sees it all - how Jonghyun stares at Kibum all the time, how he only smiles on camera, how he flinches when Kibum loops his arm through his, then relaxes and sinks back into Kibum's touch again.
On the other hand, Kibum seems ridiculously steely and uncaring. He drops Jonghyun's hand like a hot potato once the PD announces that the cameras are off and shifts at least five inches away, ignoring the desperate fall of Jonghyun's face. He talks to everyone else but Jonghyun.
But then again, when Jonghyun trips and falls during dance practice, Jinki catches Kibum halting immediately, his hand stretched out towards Jonghyun, then shrinking back again. When Jonghyun doesn't finish his breakfast or lunch or dinner - the boy was now so skinny his cheekbones could cut paper -, Kibum stares at him for a while, the worry in his eyes plain as day.
Jonghyun doesn't notice though - he's too caught up in his own misery, and well, he was never that astute to begin with. So Jinki decides to take matters into his own hands and have a chat with Kibum.
"Look," Jinki says tiredly. "I know Jonghyun probably confessed to you, and you probably rejected him, but... What is going on now?"
Kibum doesn't look surprised that Jinki has figured this all out. Jinki gets the feeling that Kibum is possibly the only person in the world who believes that Jinki is smarter than he looks. "Nothing," he says, with a tiny quirk of his lips. "Absolutely nothing."
"Yes, nothing," Jinki says. "Isn't that the problem?"
"I don't see how that's a problem," Kibum says, scratching at his elbow. "It doesn't affect you, or Minho, or Taemin, does it?"
"It does," Jinki says. "It affects all of us. Have you looked at him properly, Kibum? He's practically drowning in self-pity right now, and pretty soon everyone's going to figure it out."
Kibum looks away, and Jinki sees his fists clench. Don't act like you don't care about him when you obviously do, Jinki thinks. You were never a great liar, Kibum-ah.
"You love him," Jinki says quietly. "So fix him, Kibum."
Kibum's answering smile is soft, reminding Jinki of old, familiar clothes and warm mugs of coffee. "I wish I could," Kibum says. "But I've always been terrible at fixing things."
They fall silent, then. After a while, Kibum leans his head on Jinki's shoulder, and Jinki can feel the flutter of his eyelashes as he seals his eyes shut. Jinki hadn't realized before, but Kibum was probably hurting just as much as Jonghyun was. And nobody could do anything about that, because the only way to take away the pain was for them to do something awfully, awfully wrong.
"What did you tell him?"
"That I didn't love him," Kibum whispers, burying his face nearer into Jinki's T-shirt. "That I couldn't."
"Could you?"
Kibum doesn't answer, and Jinki doesn't ask him anything more. He supposes the two of them have to figure things out on their own, like the way they've always been, right from the start - they figured out how to survive together without glaring at each other every time they met, they figured out how to close up the gaps and look past the enmities and learn to become friends, they figured out how to become close as close could be.
"Are they having a break-up, or something?"
Jinki blinks confusedly at Minho. "What? No!" He says, shocked.
Minho raises an eyebrow. "So it's just a quarrel? They're going to be fine?"
"Well," Jinki says. "I don't really know." And then he thinks of something. "Wait, Minho, what do you mean break-up?"
Minho sighs, as if he cannot believe how stupid Jinki is. "Jonghyun-hyung and Kibum," he says slowly. "Aren't they together?"
"Um," Jinki says, fumbling for words. "No."
"You mean Jonghyun-hyung hasn't asked?" Minho says, propping his head on his hands. "I didn't expect he'd be so slow."
So Minho knew, although he was slightly off the mark. Jinki smiles slightly. "They'll be fine, I suppose," he says. "You know how they get. They'll be best friends again in no time."
"But, hyung," Minho says, his eyes a deep black. "I thought they wanted to be more than best friends."
Jonghyun wants to be, but Kibum. Jinki sighs, running a hand through his hair. Kibum is a problem.
Kibum can be selfish and demanding and immature at times, but one thing Kibum doesn't do is to hurt the people he loves. And he loves Jonghyun, he really does, and if he has rejected Jonghyun, it probably means he knows they are better off as friends.
"They'll be okay," Jinki repeats. The phrase sounds comfortable in his mouth, and he hopes it's a sign that everything will turn out fine in the end.
Things start getting out of hand when Jonghyun faints during after their comeback performance. He's been pushing himself so hard, wanting to prove himself to Kibum that he is the very best, wanting to prove to the rest of the world that he is perfectly fine, and honestly, Jinki is surprised he hasn't collapsed before this.
"Hyung," Taemin says, pressing close to Jonghyun. "Are you okay?"
Jonghyun offers a weak smile. He is still bright even when he is pale and shaky, still eye-catching. "Yeah," he says. "I'm fine."
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
They all turn to look at Kibum, who is standing slightly further away with lightning flashing in his eyes. Behind the anger though, Jinki can see the worry and raw fear swimming inside. He thinks about how Kibum had been the first to dart forward, how he had caught Jonghyun before he could fall. He thinks about how he'd thought, why couldn't you have caught him before he fell, all those years ago?
"I'm sorry," Jonghyun says, blinking.
"Well, you bloody well should be," Kibum snaps. Jinki can hear the unspoken words behind his fury: for scaring all of us, for scaring me, for breaking my heart.
Jonghyun doesn't hear though, judging from the way he looks like he's about to fall apart. For some reason, Kibum strips him of all thought and mental capabilities.
"I think," Jinki says carefully. "The two of you should have a talk."
Minho nods, standing up. "I agree," he says, a hand on the door. "Come on, Taemin-ah."
Taemin clambers away from Jonghyun and trails after Minho. Jinki shuts the door behind them, wishing for the very best for two boys he loves with all his heart.
They are still the best of friends. Jonghyun tells him this with a faraway look in his eyes, the corners of his mouth weighed down slightly by his regret. "It wouldn't have worked out anyway," he tells Jinki, although judging from the tone of his voice, he probably wishes they could have tried anyway, because this is the way Jonghyun is - daring and brave and possibly the stupidest person Jinki has ever met. Because Jonghyun is not afraid of love the way Kibum seems to be.
They are still the best of friends. Kibum tells him this matter-of-factly, with a tone of finality. "It wouldn't have worked out anyway," he tells Jinki. Jinki knows Kibum loves Jonghyun, and he knows this is the extent as to how much love Kibum can give without handing his entire heart over to Jonghyun.
They will get married, Jinki knows. Jonghyun will do it first, with a pale girl who has red lips and is thin, just like the way he's always said (Jinki pretends not to realize that if you swapped girl with boy, you got Kim Kibum). Kibum will be Jonghyun's best man, and he will smile at Jonghyun as bright and lovely as a rainbow, because despite the regrets and the what-could-have-beens, he is truly happy for Jonghyun.
They will be the best of friends. "Hey," Kibum says. "Haven't you heard? That whole thing about best friends lasting forever and boyfriends whenever. Or something like that." And Jinki sees - Jinki has seen it all, right from the start.
"He loves me," Jonghyun says, when talking to Jinki about what had gone on in the room between he and Kibum that day. "He loves me, but he can't. And I guess that's enough for me."
This is the way Jonghyun is, too - easygoing and accepting and ridiculously nice. Enough in Jonghyun's dictionary means Kibum will smile at him and talk and laugh with him and occasionally link their arms together. Kibum will fall asleep on Jonghyun's shoulder while Jonghyun watches with slight awe and amazement, memorizing every curve of Kibum's face, fingers hovering over the line of Kibum's jaw.
"We'll both end up dating someone else," Kibum says, laughing at the thought of it. "I'll probably think all the girls in the world will not be good enough for him. I'll probably be irrationally jealous when I see them together, and not talk to him until he comes and looks for me to ask what's wrong. I'll probably regret not saying yes to him, but then again, when have I not regretted any of my decisions?"
"We'll both end up dating someone else," Jonghyun says, the fire in his eyes a dull spark. "I'll probably wish I was the one there beside him. But I'll probably be a coward and tell him she is perfect for him, that he will be happy with her, even though throughout it all I will be thinking that I am the one who can make him laugh the loudest and smile the brightest and love the hardest."
Idiots, Jinki thinks. Fools in love. But they are happy the way they are now. They are still the best of friends, they still have each other, and isn't that the one thing that matters the most of all?