this is for the best
this is for the best
minho/key954 words
Minho regrets and regrets and regrets because he has played a part in taking away something beautiful from this world.
this is for the best
oh can't you see, i'm still loving you
my heart's still not ready to let you go
- take care of my girlfriend/say no (beast)
The thing is, it's not when it happened that matters, but the fact that it did. If he had to pinpoint an exact time period, though, Minho would say that he fell in love with Kibum sometime over their vacationing period, when he'd gone with Kibum to the park and they'd talked and laughed. Or maybe it was that one night when Minho couldn't sleep and went to the living room to watch television and saw Kibum already there, stretched out on the couch and smiling at Minho as if to say you're finally here, I've been waiting. Or maybe, maybe it was way back during their trainee days, when Kibum pushed himself to his limits and Minho thought he'd never seen such a determined person who was as eager to compete as himself.
It's the fact that it did happen that matters. This is wrong. They all know it's wrong - Minho can see it in the slightly afraid look that Jonghyun throws at him sometimes, the worried spark in Taemin's eyes, and how Jinki has been smiling a lot less lately. This is wrong, and it is up to Minho to stop it all from going even more wrong.
"Kibum," Minho says, low and quiet and hoarse, and judging from the way Kibum is smiling, it's obvious that he knows too, knows that they shouldn't be doing this - not now, not ever.
"We can't do this, can we?" Kibum wants to know, but the answer is obvious, and Minho just nods, a lump gathering at the base of his throat.
When he was young, he'd wanted to fall in love. He'd wanted to fall in love with a pretty, sweet girl whom he could protect and live with until the end of forever. Instead, he'd gotten sharp-tongued, headstrong Kibum, who danced and sang and loved like the world was ending the very next day. It's the first time Minho admits he's lost, it's the first time Minho doesn't fight back, because falling in love with Kibum was nothing but a gigantic, awful mistake.
"Promise me you won't regret what happened," Kibum says. But how can he not, when they'd ended up hurting everyone, especially themselves? If anything, this is his biggest regret. Kibum has always been annoyingly stubborn and strong, but today, his eyes are empty and his lips are pale. Minho can still remember a time when Kibum's smile flickered across his face like an old movie, special and gorgeous and amazing. Today, Kibum is a lot more fragile, a lot less shiny, and Minho regrets and regrets and regrets because he has played a part in taking away something beautiful from this world.
"I won't," Minho says, because he knows this is what Kibum wants to hear. He would have liked to say if he could turn back time, he'd stop himself from sinking too deep, but the truth is, he doesn't think he could live without knowing the taste of Kibum's lips or having been able to trace the curve of Kibum's smile with his fingers or being able to keep the memory of Kibum whispering I love you somewhere at the back of his mind for another time when he is drained and weary of life and love, and he will be able to remember how hard he'd loved, once upon a time.
"Okay," Kibum says. His voice is shaky but sure, and he sticks out a hand. Minho stares down at it, then grips Kibum's hand, feeling that familiar spark of electricity that comes with any form of contact with Kibum.
"Friends forever," Kibum says, and there is a whimsical note to his voice. Minho can't help but wonder what it would have been like if they'd continued fighting against the rest of the world - would they have worked out? Would they have grown old together? Would their love last?
But there is no time for wondering, because Jinki and Taemin and Jonghyun are hovering outside, waiting to welcome them back into a group of five, not two. Later, Jinki will probably have a talk with the two of them separately, telling them this was a choice that was probably very hard to make, but had to be done. Maybe Taemin will come to him and say, I'm sorry hyung but you understand what this group means to us, right? And Jonghyun, Jonghyun will be the hardest bit of it all - he'd be guilty and unsure and apologetic because Jonghyun knows what it's like to have to give up on someone he loves, and Minho will tell him it's okay, it's okay because it would be unfair for us to fight for something you had to give up on.
"Forever," Minho says. Kibum's smile is a shadow of his bright, awe-inspiring one, but still beautiful nonetheless. Minho doesn't think Kibum will ever stop being beautiful, and knows Kibum will overcome this obstacle. They are both fighters, Minho and Kibum, but instead of fighting for their love, they will have to fight against it.
Kibum tilts his head a little, and Minho is aware of all the things he could do in this moment to change their destiny. He could tell Kibum don't go because I don't think I would be able to stop loving you, he could catch Kibum's wrist and tug him back and kiss him, he could do so much more than simply let Kibum walk out of this door.
But he lets him go, anyway. The door clicks shut behind him, and Minho can hear Jonghyun's voice filtering through the crack. This is for the best, Minho tells himself.
"This is for the best," Kibum says from the other side of the door. Minho laughs.
minho/key954 words
Minho regrets and regrets and regrets because he has played a part in taking away something beautiful from this world.
this is for the best
oh can't you see, i'm still loving you
my heart's still not ready to let you go
- take care of my girlfriend/say no (beast)
The thing is, it's not when it happened that matters, but the fact that it did. If he had to pinpoint an exact time period, though, Minho would say that he fell in love with Kibum sometime over their vacationing period, when he'd gone with Kibum to the park and they'd talked and laughed. Or maybe it was that one night when Minho couldn't sleep and went to the living room to watch television and saw Kibum already there, stretched out on the couch and smiling at Minho as if to say you're finally here, I've been waiting. Or maybe, maybe it was way back during their trainee days, when Kibum pushed himself to his limits and Minho thought he'd never seen such a determined person who was as eager to compete as himself.
It's the fact that it did happen that matters. This is wrong. They all know it's wrong - Minho can see it in the slightly afraid look that Jonghyun throws at him sometimes, the worried spark in Taemin's eyes, and how Jinki has been smiling a lot less lately. This is wrong, and it is up to Minho to stop it all from going even more wrong.
"Kibum," Minho says, low and quiet and hoarse, and judging from the way Kibum is smiling, it's obvious that he knows too, knows that they shouldn't be doing this - not now, not ever.
"We can't do this, can we?" Kibum wants to know, but the answer is obvious, and Minho just nods, a lump gathering at the base of his throat.
When he was young, he'd wanted to fall in love. He'd wanted to fall in love with a pretty, sweet girl whom he could protect and live with until the end of forever. Instead, he'd gotten sharp-tongued, headstrong Kibum, who danced and sang and loved like the world was ending the very next day. It's the first time Minho admits he's lost, it's the first time Minho doesn't fight back, because falling in love with Kibum was nothing but a gigantic, awful mistake.
"Promise me you won't regret what happened," Kibum says. But how can he not, when they'd ended up hurting everyone, especially themselves? If anything, this is his biggest regret. Kibum has always been annoyingly stubborn and strong, but today, his eyes are empty and his lips are pale. Minho can still remember a time when Kibum's smile flickered across his face like an old movie, special and gorgeous and amazing. Today, Kibum is a lot more fragile, a lot less shiny, and Minho regrets and regrets and regrets because he has played a part in taking away something beautiful from this world.
"I won't," Minho says, because he knows this is what Kibum wants to hear. He would have liked to say if he could turn back time, he'd stop himself from sinking too deep, but the truth is, he doesn't think he could live without knowing the taste of Kibum's lips or having been able to trace the curve of Kibum's smile with his fingers or being able to keep the memory of Kibum whispering I love you somewhere at the back of his mind for another time when he is drained and weary of life and love, and he will be able to remember how hard he'd loved, once upon a time.
"Okay," Kibum says. His voice is shaky but sure, and he sticks out a hand. Minho stares down at it, then grips Kibum's hand, feeling that familiar spark of electricity that comes with any form of contact with Kibum.
"Friends forever," Kibum says, and there is a whimsical note to his voice. Minho can't help but wonder what it would have been like if they'd continued fighting against the rest of the world - would they have worked out? Would they have grown old together? Would their love last?
But there is no time for wondering, because Jinki and Taemin and Jonghyun are hovering outside, waiting to welcome them back into a group of five, not two. Later, Jinki will probably have a talk with the two of them separately, telling them this was a choice that was probably very hard to make, but had to be done. Maybe Taemin will come to him and say, I'm sorry hyung but you understand what this group means to us, right? And Jonghyun, Jonghyun will be the hardest bit of it all - he'd be guilty and unsure and apologetic because Jonghyun knows what it's like to have to give up on someone he loves, and Minho will tell him it's okay, it's okay because it would be unfair for us to fight for something you had to give up on.
"Forever," Minho says. Kibum's smile is a shadow of his bright, awe-inspiring one, but still beautiful nonetheless. Minho doesn't think Kibum will ever stop being beautiful, and knows Kibum will overcome this obstacle. They are both fighters, Minho and Kibum, but instead of fighting for their love, they will have to fight against it.
Kibum tilts his head a little, and Minho is aware of all the things he could do in this moment to change their destiny. He could tell Kibum don't go because I don't think I would be able to stop loving you, he could catch Kibum's wrist and tug him back and kiss him, he could do so much more than simply let Kibum walk out of this door.
But he lets him go, anyway. The door clicks shut behind him, and Minho can hear Jonghyun's voice filtering through the crack. This is for the best, Minho tells himself.
"This is for the best," Kibum says from the other side of the door. Minho laughs.