being leader
being leader
gen
862 wordsShe cannot fix everything, cannot sew up broken hearts or mediate fights or become the greatest leader
being leader
i fell right through the cracks
and now i'm trying to get back
- i'm yours (jason mraz)
When they tell her she's going to be the leader, she knows it's going to be tough, but she accepts it anyway because there's no other choice - what management wants, management gets, and for some strange reason, they want her.
There are times she's truly proud to be the leader of her girls. She tells them where they've gone wrong, does her best to guide them on the right track, and she's rewarded by bright-eyed hugs from the other eight and thank you Taengoo you know we love you right? These are the times when they tug her into their tight-knit little circle and they talk and laugh until their manager pokes his head in, bleary-eyed, and sends them all off to bed because they have schedules three hours later. These are the times when she leans her head against Yoona's shoulder and listens to their laughter fill the air around her and thinks that these are the best friends any girl can possibly have, that surprisingly she can be a good leader after all.
But nine girls cannot possibly be close all the time. Arguments ensue over ridiculous things like using someone else's comb by mistake, or simply because someone snapped at someone else grouchily in the morning. These are the times when they turn to her and say you're the leader you solve this mess this is your job, and she is left with the task to calm Yuri down and hand tissues to Tiffany and explain what is going on to Seohyun and apologize to their manager. These are the times when she is so exhausted she thinks she might crumple any moment, when there is no one there for her, when she wishes she'd never taken on this stupid role because Yoona or Jessica would have been a better one instead.
Today Sunny barges into the room, flinging open the door and standing there with tears sliding down her cheeks. Taeyeon jumps up, startled, and rushes forward to tug the other girl in to sit beside her on the bed. "What's going on?"
"Sooyoung," Sunny begins, and down the hallway Taeyeon can hear Sooyoung screaming at Hyoyeon about how Sunny was absolutely retarded and screw this I can't take it anymore.
Taeyeon flinches a little, and Sunny sniffles. "I'll talk to her, okay?" Taeyeon soothes, patting Sunny's shoulder.
"No," Sunny protests. "She'll yell at me again, you know how she gets -"
"Okay, I'll just find out what she thinks." Sunny looks away, her hair falling over her face. Taeyeon sighs and leaves the room, padding out in search of Sooyoung. It's two in the morning, for God's sake, why couldn't they have waited until the next morning to argue?
Sooyoung is sitting on the couch, arms roped around her legs. Hyoyeon glances up, meeting Taeyeon's worried gaze, and shrugs.
"Sooyoung-ah," Taeyeon says. Sooyoung doesn't even bother to look up, and Taeyeon can't help but press her lips together, frustrated.
"Sooyoung?" Hyoyeon coaxes, tapping Sooyoung's shoulder. Sooyoung slaps her hand away, clearly unhappy.
It's Taeyeon's turn to think screw this I can't take it anymore, but she is the leader. She is responsible for the wellbeing of her girls, and the title of leader is also the chains binding her to this spot, stopping her from flinging her arms and striding away.
She presses her palm against her forehead, exhausted. They've practiced the entire day; she's sung until her voice is hoarse and danced until her legs feel like they're about to give out any moment. She wants to ignore all of this and leave it to them to sort it out for themselves, but she cannot.
"Just talk to me, okay?" Taeyeon says, blinking back tears of frustration. "I can't solve anything if you don't tell me what is going on."
Hyoyeon gets up, walking over to Taeyeon. "I'll take care of her," she says. "Go and sleep, you look as if you're about to collapse."
"But," Taeyeon says. Hyoyeon pushes her into her room, giving her one last comforting smile before shutting the door.
The next morning they are all smiles again, joking around as if nothing has happened. Taeyeon can't help but look surprised.
"See," Hyoyeon says. "I told you I'd sort it out."
Taeyeon shakes her head. "But I should have been the one taking care of this, I -"
"You don't have to do everything all the time, you know," Hyoyeon tells her. "We're adults, we can settle things by ourselves."
"But I'm the leader," Taeyeon explains, blinking. "I'm supposed to be responsible for you guys."
Hyoyeon rolls her eyes. "So self-sacrificial," she says, then smiles. "Really, we can take care of ourselves. Your only job is to aegyo manager-oppa into slackening our diets."
Taeyeon laughs. "That's Sooyoung's job," she corrects. Hyoyeon grins at her, and she slides her eyes shut, heart a lot lighter than before.
She cannot fix everything, cannot sew up broken hearts or mediate fights or become the greatest leader. But she can make her girls smile and wake them up in the morning and try her very best to set a good example for them, and maybe that's all they really need.
gen
862 wordsShe cannot fix everything, cannot sew up broken hearts or mediate fights or become the greatest leader
being leader
i fell right through the cracks
and now i'm trying to get back
- i'm yours (jason mraz)
When they tell her she's going to be the leader, she knows it's going to be tough, but she accepts it anyway because there's no other choice - what management wants, management gets, and for some strange reason, they want her.
There are times she's truly proud to be the leader of her girls. She tells them where they've gone wrong, does her best to guide them on the right track, and she's rewarded by bright-eyed hugs from the other eight and thank you Taengoo you know we love you right? These are the times when they tug her into their tight-knit little circle and they talk and laugh until their manager pokes his head in, bleary-eyed, and sends them all off to bed because they have schedules three hours later. These are the times when she leans her head against Yoona's shoulder and listens to their laughter fill the air around her and thinks that these are the best friends any girl can possibly have, that surprisingly she can be a good leader after all.
But nine girls cannot possibly be close all the time. Arguments ensue over ridiculous things like using someone else's comb by mistake, or simply because someone snapped at someone else grouchily in the morning. These are the times when they turn to her and say you're the leader you solve this mess this is your job, and she is left with the task to calm Yuri down and hand tissues to Tiffany and explain what is going on to Seohyun and apologize to their manager. These are the times when she is so exhausted she thinks she might crumple any moment, when there is no one there for her, when she wishes she'd never taken on this stupid role because Yoona or Jessica would have been a better one instead.
Today Sunny barges into the room, flinging open the door and standing there with tears sliding down her cheeks. Taeyeon jumps up, startled, and rushes forward to tug the other girl in to sit beside her on the bed. "What's going on?"
"Sooyoung," Sunny begins, and down the hallway Taeyeon can hear Sooyoung screaming at Hyoyeon about how Sunny was absolutely retarded and screw this I can't take it anymore.
Taeyeon flinches a little, and Sunny sniffles. "I'll talk to her, okay?" Taeyeon soothes, patting Sunny's shoulder.
"No," Sunny protests. "She'll yell at me again, you know how she gets -"
"Okay, I'll just find out what she thinks." Sunny looks away, her hair falling over her face. Taeyeon sighs and leaves the room, padding out in search of Sooyoung. It's two in the morning, for God's sake, why couldn't they have waited until the next morning to argue?
Sooyoung is sitting on the couch, arms roped around her legs. Hyoyeon glances up, meeting Taeyeon's worried gaze, and shrugs.
"Sooyoung-ah," Taeyeon says. Sooyoung doesn't even bother to look up, and Taeyeon can't help but press her lips together, frustrated.
"Sooyoung?" Hyoyeon coaxes, tapping Sooyoung's shoulder. Sooyoung slaps her hand away, clearly unhappy.
It's Taeyeon's turn to think screw this I can't take it anymore, but she is the leader. She is responsible for the wellbeing of her girls, and the title of leader is also the chains binding her to this spot, stopping her from flinging her arms and striding away.
She presses her palm against her forehead, exhausted. They've practiced the entire day; she's sung until her voice is hoarse and danced until her legs feel like they're about to give out any moment. She wants to ignore all of this and leave it to them to sort it out for themselves, but she cannot.
"Just talk to me, okay?" Taeyeon says, blinking back tears of frustration. "I can't solve anything if you don't tell me what is going on."
Hyoyeon gets up, walking over to Taeyeon. "I'll take care of her," she says. "Go and sleep, you look as if you're about to collapse."
"But," Taeyeon says. Hyoyeon pushes her into her room, giving her one last comforting smile before shutting the door.
The next morning they are all smiles again, joking around as if nothing has happened. Taeyeon can't help but look surprised.
"See," Hyoyeon says. "I told you I'd sort it out."
Taeyeon shakes her head. "But I should have been the one taking care of this, I -"
"You don't have to do everything all the time, you know," Hyoyeon tells her. "We're adults, we can settle things by ourselves."
"But I'm the leader," Taeyeon explains, blinking. "I'm supposed to be responsible for you guys."
Hyoyeon rolls her eyes. "So self-sacrificial," she says, then smiles. "Really, we can take care of ourselves. Your only job is to aegyo manager-oppa into slackening our diets."
Taeyeon laughs. "That's Sooyoung's job," she corrects. Hyoyeon grins at her, and she slides her eyes shut, heart a lot lighter than before.
She cannot fix everything, cannot sew up broken hearts or mediate fights or become the greatest leader. But she can make her girls smile and wake them up in the morning and try her very best to set a good example for them, and maybe that's all they really need.