~018 - [VIDEO] - post-port (retroactively filtered away from Amanda Young)
The "Laura Palmer" from port is a really lucky woman. Married to someone she loves, working in her dream career, mother to a child she adores...she's happy, and she has every right to be. I wish her well, and I'm glad I got a taste of what it means to have a good life. I even liked being older...it's something I'd never get a chance to experience
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[She looks straight ahead, out into space, and takes another drag.]
When I was thirteen, I went to a little coffee place with Donna. The Bookhouse--that's what it was called--had all kinds of stuff hanging on the walls. A lot of photographs. I remember, very clearly, seeing one photo of a guy in jeans and a leather jacket, sitting on a motorcycle and reading a book. A guy who was obviously rough and tough, but with a sensitive side--he was a reader, and he had smooth skin and the most beautiful puppy-dog eyes.
That description is James, down to the smallest detail. I decided, that day, that the person in the photo would be the perfect man for me. I even wrote in my diary that I was in love. Now, I think...I realize I wasn't in love with James. I was in love with what he was, and even more than that, what I wanted him to be. He wasn't what I wanted, though. He was just a little boy who was in love with the feeling of being in love more than he was with me. I guess we were equally guilty of that.
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I think a lot of people are damn guilty of that one, you know. You build up an image of what you want, and you try to get people to fit it, idolize shit and all of that.
[He took an even breath inwards, then another drag of his cigarette,] Do you think you've ever, actually, been in love? With anyone, or anything, I dunno.
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[She sighs.]
It just is.
[She's silent for a few moments, then places her cigarette on the railing before her and reaches for the back of her neck, searching under her hair. She unhooks the gold chain, from which hangs half of a heart pendant, and holds the necklace up for Paddy to see.]
I gave James the other half of this, the very first time I told him I loved him.
[Suddenly, she pitches it out into space as hard as she can. It's hurled straight ahead for a second or two before falling down, down into some unsuspecting other world.]
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He finally looked up at her, and asked, very simply, and a little quietly, not noticing the cigarette burning away in his fingers,]
Does... does that make you feel any better?
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[She picks up her cigarette again and takes a drag that's probably a bit too long and hard.]
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[He wasn't ever a man to mince his words.]
You alright?
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I had a thing for someone else while I was alive, but BOB made me ashamed of it. He made me out to be sick, and I never really admitted how I felt. Not even to myself, not fully.
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[Paddy just didn't really get it.]
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[Laura keeps her voice perfectly neutral as she speaks, and the struggle is detectable.]
Ronette Pulaski...the only other person with me when I was killed. BOB raped her and made me watch, just grinning at me the entire time, and he hurt her so badly he put her in a coma.
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But the silence from him is far, far too long, and he deliberately takes a drag from his cigarette and looks out into space to prolong the silence. Not because he wants it to be more awkward. Just because he doesn't know how to deal with this. He can't, really, really take the whole thing seriously, but she's struggling, and he's got to be the big man here, but it's just... lesbians? That's not serious. Okay, BOB's idea of the whole thing is just as fucked up, but Paddy's desperately afraid that if he even tries to express disapproval or that he thinks it's more than a little wrong, he'll undo everything he's done so far in seconds. That it'll cause more damage than anything else that could have happened. Just because he might sound a little like he was agreeing with BOB.
Eventually, he asks, not wanting to lie to her either, but wanting to be very, very careful.]
Do you really think you might have loved her? [His tone implies quite a bit of incredulity, and he starts to wonder if he's been careful enough.]
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[Laura can sense something off about Paddy, mostly from how long he remained quiet, and truth be told, she's one suspicious comment away from just leaving and going back to her room.]
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But then he knows he can't keep it up for long, and that might end worse than being... cautiously honest. Meaning he wasn't going to insult her - at least, not deliberately or directly. The problem was, he was a little oblivious to what was insulting and what wasn't.]
But it's... do you really think it's the same kinda thing? I mean, is it different to, I dunno, her being a really fucking good mate?
[Paddy sensed this was going to end horrifically from here on out, no matter what he said, and he contemplated leaving, but then... well, that'd surely be worse too.]
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He wasn't sure it was a good idea.
Yeah, he's fucked up.]
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