I'm In A Posting Shit Mood...
This is my favorite excerpt from a story that Amanda and I started writing together in... sophomore year.
She nodded and walked out, closing the door gently behind her. Warner looked at me, “Are you gonna tell anyone else?”
I shook my head. “Just you, Seth, and Keely will know. I can’t tell anyone else. I mean, c‘mon, I‘d never get a date for, hmm, the rest of my life,” I half-joked. Warner looked confused. “Word would spread that I was pregnant… and then shit would start to FLY… No one wants to go out with a slut with a mangled face,” I laughed half-heartedly.
Warner didn’t even smile. I got up from the tub and stared in the mirror, tracing the scar along my cheekbone, sadly. I peeled down my lower lip examining the worst of all the scars that would soon be there once the stitches were removed… Where Hope had elbowed me so hard in the mouth that my bottom teeth nearly cut through my lip. I wondered how she was holding up as I let go of my lip. I thought of how Dexter was treating her… if they were together… if he was taking care of her… and I secretly wished he was taking care of me.
My knees shook and I gripped the edge of the sink to support myself as a tremor of horrible emotions all flooded into me at once. I was ashamed to have acted so immaturely and fought Hope… miserable because I ruined my chances with Dexter… guilty because of my pregnancy and what I was going to do… scared no one would want me because of my scars both emotional and physical…
But hadn’t Seth wanted me despite all the scars he saw? The constant berating of myself. Belittling myself. Blaming myself for what happened to Keely. He even accepted the scars on my wrists and legs… everything. He loved me, and I knew that. But would he love me now that I had scars that weren’t able to be hidden? It was still me when I looked in the mirror, a me that I didn’t want. I caught sight of myself again and really looked. My eyes were red and puffy. My nose looked red from being blown. My hair was messy because I continuously pulled at it during the few minutes it took for the results to come. My mouth swollen, my face bruised. I was ugly