crush
my head pounds to the point of inducing nausea as my body's way of telling me "fuck you" for poisoning it with gin last night. the part of me that isn't angry at me for indulging feels alive and wonderful and doesn't regret even one drink of last night. unfortunately, alcohol is an effective way to break down all of the defensive walls we put up, mine being ridiculously well fortified, if even only temporarily. while i do wish tremendously that the throbbing in my temple would subside, i merely have to think back to the laughter and conversation and how amazingly good it felt to kiss someone like that and i recall that the headache is but a small price to pay. for in the harsh light of day, sobriety quickly brings back all of the limiting thoughts, beliefs and fears that would never have allowed last night to feel so easy and free.