whoa.....
so there are people that come and go in our lives (i know, blah, blah, blah, let me sound cliche for a sec), and i believe that so many of them help shape us into who we are at the present moment. well one person, who was only part of my life for about a year before telling me to fuck off, shaped who i am today more than anyone else, with the exception probably of my family. he was my first concept of what love really, truly was, and he was my first concept of what pain (real, deep, depression kind of pain) really was. i loved him and i took him totally for granted. then i tried for years to a) get him to come back into my life or b) get over him. neither worked. it honestly took five years to feel over him enough to love anyone else. even then, he was still hidden in the recesses of my mind, my heart, and my soul. and he wouldn't give me the time of day. 5 years later i sent him an email trying to, if nothing else, dispel any residual negativity between us. never heard back. him writing me off, wanting nothing to do with me, etc., has been somewhere in the core of me for almost eight years now. it may sound a little ridiculous, but this status of being eternally on his shit-list or his i-don't-give-a-fuck-about-you list has been somewhere in the foundation of who i've been for the past seven and a half years. so today, in mourning over the end of football season for the denver broncos, i drank about a bottle and a half of wine and decided it would be a good idea to message him. and for the first time in almost eight years, he responded. and he responded cheerfully. no resentment, no animosity, just friendly and cheerful. this might not seem like a big deal, but it honestly alters everything that i feel i'm currently centered around. him being friendly toward me, him not hating me, completely changes something inside of me. so i guess today i change who i've been for so many years...