(no subject)
ACCEPTING DEFEAT
CHARACTERS:
VLAD: Young. Inhumanly pale.
ZEUS: Old. Out of place.
VLAD is sitting at a bar. ZEUS enters and takes a seat next to VLAD.
ZEUS:
Can I buy you a drink?
VLAD:
Are you courting me?
ZEUS:
What? No. What's getting you down, son?
VLAD:
Another Bloody Mary!
ZEUS:
Oh come now! What's all the trouble?
VLAD:
Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.
ZEUS:
Ah! So you're boring yourself to death!
VLAD:
I wish.
ZEUS:
Drinking yourself to death?
VLAD:
Death. Life's only reward. If I had written the story of my life, I would have realized a lot sooner that life is just the formulation of a question and death is always the answer.
ZEUS:
Well then. Do you always drink alone?
VLAD:
I do everything alone.
ZEUS:
Well, maybe that's your problem!
VLAD:
That's not even the beginning of it.
ZEUS:
The beginning was a very long time ago.
VLAD:
Okay, listen Alzheimer's. I really don't want your help, okay?
ZEUS:
Okay.
VLAD:
Okay.
ZEUS:
What? Oh. What I'm telling you is that I refuse to be responsible for you walking out of here to end up with a bullet through the mouth.
VLAD:
Heart.
ZEUS:
Either way.
VLAD exits. ZEUS considers for a moment and then exits hurriedly after him. A castle appears. VLAD enters, followed by ZEUS.
VLAD:
My goodness, are you still at it?
ZEUS:
Strange place. I bet it cost a fortune to furnish.
VLAD:
It's mostly empty. Hey I really am going to have to kill you if you keep nagging me.
ZEUS:
Actually, you'll find that fairly difficult.
VLAD:
And why oh why is that?
ZEUS:
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
VLAD:
Humor me.
ZEUS:
I'm immortal. Just kidding! No, I'm not kidding. I'm immortal.
VLAD:
Wow. Wow. You're a vampire? You were changed so late in life, how unfortunate…
ZEUS:
What? Oh, no! How ridiculous. No. I'm a god. The god of gods actually. My name is Zeus, Father of Gods and Men, although it appears a little late for introductions.
VLAD:
You're real? That just figures. I'm Vlad. People tell stories about me too.
ZEUS:
The Impaler?
VLAD:
The very one.
ZEUS:
OH GODS, it's Dracula! Don't kill me!
VLAD:
Calm down. We're immortal.
ZEUS:
… Oh! So that's what you're all on about.
VLAD:
But... you could do it. It just takes a silver bullet through the heart.
VLAD has a gun.
ZEUS:
What? Oh. No, I couldn't. I just wouldn't feel right about it is all.
VLAD:
You'd be killing a vampire!
ZEUS:
Look, immortality does have its perks…
VLAD:
No. That's what I thought for so many years. I thought I could be the bridge between gods and men. I could do what no other human could.
ZEUS:
Well, in all honesty, I've given the gift of immortality out a number of times…
VLAD:
Yes, after I got bored with the overwhelming power of being a blood-sucking demon, I studied all the great triumphs of immortality. But my findings were horrific. Tithunos, always aging but never dying and Ganymede, well…you were courting me, weren't you?
ZEUS:
Listen, have you thought of maybe… keeping yourself occupied? Maybe, night hockey?
VLAD:
This isn't natural! Humans are meant to die. It is what makes them human. It's what makes them work and invent and procreate, procreate, procreate. Death gives them motivation. Vampires are said to be evil but of course we cannot sympathize with the people we kill. They are allowed to do what we cannot. They are allowed to rest. There is a blessing in that. You can help me.
ZEUS:
I can't.
VLAD:
I kill people all the time. Your worshippers! Your people!
ZEUS:
Oh. They all died a long, long time ago. Those pesky Christians.
VLAD:
Yeah, people don't really believe in me anymore either. I keep waiting for a would-be hero to finally do me in, but those who do seek me out just assume I'm invincible and so they never even put up a fight. It's horrible. What keeps you here?
ZEUS:
I'm a god. I have no other choice. Plus, I have a lot more free time now. I've developed a mad passion for wire and bead jewelry as of late. Sometimes I get the wife and kids in on the action. We'll have craft days -
VLAD:
Gods are so content merely observing the lives of mortals. They have no desire to change the world, mostly because you created it and none of you are very fond of self-criticism. But humans need more. People have to create things outside of themselves. Art. Children. They do it because they know that the day will come when life gives them up and they wish to outlast themselves. I have outlasted myself. I was a fool. And now I would gladly trade an eternity in Hell-
ZEUS:
Hades.
VLAD:
Whichever. I would take it over this atrocity that I have created of myself. When I chose to become a vampire, it was not because I wanted to be evil. I just didn't want to be beaten. Even by death. But death and life watch over one another, always picking up where the other left off. And Life has held Death's grudge on me and I have been beaten after all. That is what I am doing right now - accepting defeat. But I need you to help me. You've given the curse of immortality-
ZEUS:
Blessing.
VLAD:
Curse. Please take it away.
ZEUS:
You people never seem satisfied when you get what you ask for.
VLAD:
I can't keep asking this question. I need to know the answer.
Zeus takes the gun.
ZEUS:
But keep in mind that you'll probably regret the decision later.
VLAD:
Thank you. Thank you.
ZEUS:
You know, us gods are not just observing. And We've been waiting, too.
ZEUS closes his eyes and fires. VLAD falls. A brilliant sunrise appears.
ZEUS:
Hades is going to be so pleased.