I know that each Type has a different method of arguing and I've noticed that when certain types argue with each other their methods of arguing seem to be especially incompatable
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i think you've hit on something key - looking for differences v. looking for similarities. personally, i think i look for whatever the other person isn't looking for - basically, i want the whole picture.
while your friend is craving harmony, you, as an intj are just analyzing an issue objectively. intj's, in my experience, are more prone to being able to do that without mixing emotion into it.
so what you've described rings pretty true for me, but only for abstract issues. when i'm in a relationship and arguing, i'm not only loooking for the big picture (what we do and do not agree on), i'm looking for a resolution.
often i feel like the other person is arguing passionately to try to get me to change my mind. i, on the otherhand, am not trying to change anyone's mind. i'm after three things: i want my position to be understood, i want to understand the other person's position, and i want us both to come to an agreement on how to cope with the difference.
therefore i'm not fighting to win anything, i'm fighting to compromise fairly.
i get accused of being too 'business-like' in arguements. and it's true, i have an objective and i dont like getting off track. i always like a summary after a fight: "this is what the issue is, this is what i think, this is what you think, these are the options for solving it, and this is the one we've chosen"
it looks so good in theory, but when you're dealing with people and feelings and real life, it's not so clean.
i get accused of being too 'business-like' in arguements. and it's true, i have an objective and i dont like getting off track. i always like a summary after a fight: "this is what the issue is, this is what i think, this is what you think, these are the options for solving it, and this is the one we've chosen"
it looks so good in theory, but when you're dealing with people and feelings and real life, it's not so clean.
i'm verbose.
I've had these exact thoughts more times than I care to recount. Some days, I really wish that life could be all theory and no affect. Alas, part of arguing well is understanding whom you're arguing with, and that can be quite a challenge. I think my Intuitive tendencies help me in this regard, but sometimes I try to achieve too much understanding (i.e. read too deeply into the situation) by virtue of being incredibly Judging. That's probably my biggest flaw: I seek meaning to the point of overlooking the possibility that a given thing's meaning is negligible.
while your friend is craving harmony, you, as an intj are just analyzing an issue objectively. intj's, in my experience, are more prone to being able to do that without mixing emotion into it.
so what you've described rings pretty true for me, but only for abstract issues. when i'm in a relationship and arguing, i'm not only loooking for the big picture (what we do and do not agree on), i'm looking for a resolution.
often i feel like the other person is arguing passionately to try to get me to change my mind. i, on the otherhand, am not trying to change anyone's mind. i'm after three things: i want my position to be understood, i want to understand the other person's position, and i want us both to come to an agreement on how to cope with the difference.
therefore i'm not fighting to win anything, i'm fighting to compromise fairly.
i get accused of being too 'business-like' in arguements. and it's true, i have an objective and i dont like getting off track. i always like a summary after a fight: "this is what the issue is, this is what i think, this is what you think, these are the options for solving it, and this is the one we've chosen"
it looks so good in theory, but when you're dealing with people and feelings and real life, it's not so clean.
i'm verbose.
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it looks so good in theory, but when you're dealing with people and feelings and real life, it's not so clean.
i'm verbose.
I've had these exact thoughts more times than I care to recount. Some days, I really wish that life could be all theory and no affect. Alas, part of arguing well is understanding whom you're arguing with, and that can be quite a challenge. I think my Intuitive tendencies help me in this regard, but sometimes I try to achieve too much understanding (i.e. read too deeply into the situation) by virtue of being incredibly Judging. That's probably my biggest flaw: I seek meaning to the point of overlooking the possibility that a given thing's meaning is negligible.
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