10 Formulation [Commentlog//Closed] Backdated to Body Switch Event
[Having made her way back to her room very much alone, Lucrecia-currently-Tseng closes the door behind her, breathing a sigh. She shoved aside some books and flopped down on her bed, burying her face in a pillow. Vincent's words stung, as they always did. Why did they always end up in pain, every time they collided? She was either ticking him off or disappointing him, he was always cutting into her conscience and reminding her of her flawed and broken humanity.
So many times she wished she could understand others just a little better. Truly empathize with their natures. Because, well, if she were honest? She couldn't. Few ever touched; she allowed so few to touch her. And why? What purpose did this serve? To keep her from being hurt? The madness born of loneliness hurt more. To keep herself from hurting others? Look at the lives she had already ruined. Or would ruin. Or was going to ruin. Because there would always be more, right?
Would there? What if she could break the cycle? Walk away from whatever drove her to such extremes? Wasn't she trying to do that already, though? Wasn't she trying to use her abilities to help others? Anna and Kevas and the others... But doubt crept in, doubt that she could do so little, doubt that she was nothing more than a sham, a crackpot, as her peers had once told her. That damn thesis...
She cut off her philosophical self-pity, rolling over to loosen the tie around her neck and flick the top button open. If she had faith to accompany her wavering beliefs, she might have prayed for an answer, a sign of where to go from here. But inside her was hollowness, an empty dark void waiting for the light of the stars to shine out. If it wasn't for this awkward body, she would be at the bar by now, she mused.]