(no subject)
i feel winter approaching. even though it's ever so far away. i want my body to realize that my mind is not crazy. my mind says it's already winter. the cold, empty feeling is there, it just doesn't run throughout my veins but rather stays in my head. ignited by psuedo synapses. i don't want to spend winter here. it's far too important to me to spend it here, in this house. i experienced the two best winters i'll ever experience at my old house. i want to go back there so bad. i have so many important memories and feelings that seem like they were left there. sometimes i think i smoke so that i think it's winter. so that i can see my breath. but it's not real. fuck. is anything real to me anymore? i just want to go home.