(no subject)
i did some name dropping this morning so i could get an apointment with the specialist what done both christines nose jobs, i just stopped off for a consultation on my way home from set and he just point blank refused to do anything. aparently it would be "imoral" to do surgery on someone whose been sectioned for bdd even though that was like 7 years ago. i should of just got fake id or something. he was SUCh a wanker, he said would i like him to refer me to someone and i can seek more help if i still feel bad ?! i was like fuck you mate that aint NONE of your business and if you wont help me cos of your fuckin morals then i can go to eastern europe or some place where they aint got none but i AM doing it, i dont care where but its happenign. as if talking to some head doctor helps you stop being gross, they just brainwash you and try and make you think like it dont matter with all their happy clappy hippy self help hand holding, well guess what IT DOES MATTER when your trying to get sucessful in this bullshit shallow bitch industry and that sack of shit can go and throw himself out the window cos wtf does he know, yeah maybe i use to be sick but that was like a third of my life ago, i aint mental now but i aint living with this thing on my face no more i would rather be dead and i seriously mean that. i cant stand it no more, if anyone thinks i am over reacting your so lucky you dont know what its like when you have to look in mirrors and swallow down sick. when i was 15 i drunk all my mums vodka and got my scalpel out my art box what i used for sharpening pencils and i tryed to cut my face off, i still got a scar behind my ear and down under my jaw almost 3 inches long but it aint that visible cos the blade was dead sharp it cut through like butter. olly come in and spazzed out and sat on me so i couldnt then i tryed to stab him cos i was that angry he made me stop, thats how much i hate my face and if that arsewipe thinks its imoral to do the one thing what could make me happy in the world then he shouldnt be alowed to be a doctor cos i thought its his job to help people, i must of understoood it wrong