a quiet life
well everything kind of went to shit.. sorry i aint been round in FOREVER, i know what a crappy useless mate i am sometimes :/ but i was actualy going out my mind and i had to sort this thing out before i drowned myself in the river -_-
basicaly i just been having a dead rough time at work, yasmin my shop manager was off for like a decade and i thought she was skiving but turns out she had actual neumonia (i know theres a p in taht word somewhere but fuck it you know what i mean) like a pensioner so now i feel bad for having a go haha, she is doing better now though <3 then someone else who worked for me werent doing a proper job of it an kept spacign out and showing up late and not loking after customers properly and basicaly just taking the piss so she aint working there no more cos theres like a billion other people what dont think your askign too much of a PART TIME WORKER to SHOW UP ON TIME and all that. anyway i aint ranting no more, its done and good riddence. i aint working my arse off to give other people a free ride thanks very much, i was making myself sick in the head taking everythign on and trying to cover the donkey work as well as my actual work and promo and meetings and shit, there was like 3 days in a row i didnt get out my studio til like after 2am and was back in it by 7 to finish stuff off before meetings at 9 -_- you aint suposed to live like that, i aint scared of hard work or nothing like when i was a teenager i had 3 jobs on the go at once as well as school/college cos i wanted to make my own money not scrounge it all off my mum an dad, i can work like a machine when i need to but it was just gettign stupid and then this total prick i was doing a shit load of commissions for never bothered turning up to pay and collect ?! like weeks and thousands of £ worth of work down the toilet, thanks very much you little fuckin arsehole. and everything just kept goign wrong and it ended up with me bawling like a fuckin toddler on the floor in my studio cos i was knackered. and rebecca sat down with me and she was like you know this is about the 9th time i come in on a mornig and found you ready to hang yourself off the beams already even though the day aint barely started yet and she made me close the shop for the day which the agency cover people didnt like but tough shit they still got paid so idk why they was complaining and she took me out for proper breakfast and insulted me about my eye bags and xylaphone ribs and said is it worth doing something you love if it makes you miserable?? and i said no. because its not.
so we been sloggign through a fuck ton of meetings with loads of annoyed people to iron all this out and theres going to be a major shake up with the company. exclusive news here, we are suposed to write a press statment and stuff but aint had time to properly sit and go through what we want to say yet. basicaly making rebecca managing director which ok is pretty much what she was anyway but now its official, employing a whole fuckin army to delegate stuff to, expaning the factory x5 and taking on more workers to make more off the rack stuff for the london and edinburgh shops and the concesions cos we just signed a deal for harvey nicks worldwide not just london and manc like we had before :) and i am still in charge design wise but from now on i aint havign nothing to do with the shops or doing personal stuff for people unless its vvvvvvvvips, like you better be beyonce or god if you want me to hand make you a dress from now on (or a mate <3) and i aint kissing arse no more at all them soulless parties or doing loads of press shit. i thought i wanted to be famous, it was meant to be fun, but it aint been fun for ages now and i dont see the point of doing all this shit 20 hours a day being fuckin miserable when i COULD be at home always within 30 mins of Lindsay making stuff and drawing stuff when i feel like it not cos people are screaming for it. everyone keeps saying its proffessional suicide and i am ruining my chance but its better than actual litteral suicide which is where i would of ended up if it kept on much longer -_-
so yeah thats whats happening. its scary cos yeah i know i fucked this up and running away from it aint going to fix nothign or make people (or me) change there minds about me being a useless cunt what cant ever finish nothign i start, and yeah its sad too cos when it was going right it was ace. i just dont want to do it no more, i know i am dead lucky cos i dont HAVE to do shit i dont want to do. gonna be a cambridge housewife for a bit i think and see how that goes.
rebeccas amazing btw, i know i slag her off all the time cos she looks like roz from monsters inc but she is dead nice realy and i shouldnt be so horrible about her cos like it even matters she aint a barbie doll, there aint nobody in the world i trust more tahn her to look after my work. i wish she was my mum, she feels like it sometimes but blah blah obvs i aint telling her that cos she has got a son anyway and it would be well weird XD she looks after me though, its nice. she is going to be ace at this job i know she is and anyone bitching at her in the fashion press can fuckin answer to me and my beefcake boyfriend :P
theres been nice stuff happening as well, Lindsays graduation :) i wish being smart was transmitted like syphillis cos i would be einstein by now haha ;) he looked so handsome omg, me and his mum was about busting with pride <3 and party season and stuff, sorry i never stayed taht long at anything but i was mid nervous breakdown, glad i finally got to see jones in a frock though that well cheered me up :P loving movember as well!!! i aint growing a tash cos i think Lindsay might dump me if he had to wake up next to magnum pi every morning but i been growing out my sideys again like this av, proper elvis vibe going on :P just need a jumpsuit and cape now and massive aviators, would have to pad out though cos i lose weight when i get miserable so i got sticky out hip bones again now and look like i got cancer or somethign -_-
ummmm have i got anything else to say?? i feel like i have but i cant think so it probably aint imporant. i got all this free time now, let me know if you want to catch up or do christmas shopping or something cos i miss everyone x
basicaly i just been having a dead rough time at work, yasmin my shop manager was off for like a decade and i thought she was skiving but turns out she had actual neumonia (i know theres a p in taht word somewhere but fuck it you know what i mean) like a pensioner so now i feel bad for having a go haha, she is doing better now though <3 then someone else who worked for me werent doing a proper job of it an kept spacign out and showing up late and not loking after customers properly and basicaly just taking the piss so she aint working there no more cos theres like a billion other people what dont think your askign too much of a PART TIME WORKER to SHOW UP ON TIME and all that. anyway i aint ranting no more, its done and good riddence. i aint working my arse off to give other people a free ride thanks very much, i was making myself sick in the head taking everythign on and trying to cover the donkey work as well as my actual work and promo and meetings and shit, there was like 3 days in a row i didnt get out my studio til like after 2am and was back in it by 7 to finish stuff off before meetings at 9 -_- you aint suposed to live like that, i aint scared of hard work or nothing like when i was a teenager i had 3 jobs on the go at once as well as school/college cos i wanted to make my own money not scrounge it all off my mum an dad, i can work like a machine when i need to but it was just gettign stupid and then this total prick i was doing a shit load of commissions for never bothered turning up to pay and collect ?! like weeks and thousands of £ worth of work down the toilet, thanks very much you little fuckin arsehole. and everything just kept goign wrong and it ended up with me bawling like a fuckin toddler on the floor in my studio cos i was knackered. and rebecca sat down with me and she was like you know this is about the 9th time i come in on a mornig and found you ready to hang yourself off the beams already even though the day aint barely started yet and she made me close the shop for the day which the agency cover people didnt like but tough shit they still got paid so idk why they was complaining and she took me out for proper breakfast and insulted me about my eye bags and xylaphone ribs and said is it worth doing something you love if it makes you miserable?? and i said no. because its not.
so we been sloggign through a fuck ton of meetings with loads of annoyed people to iron all this out and theres going to be a major shake up with the company. exclusive news here, we are suposed to write a press statment and stuff but aint had time to properly sit and go through what we want to say yet. basicaly making rebecca managing director which ok is pretty much what she was anyway but now its official, employing a whole fuckin army to delegate stuff to, expaning the factory x5 and taking on more workers to make more off the rack stuff for the london and edinburgh shops and the concesions cos we just signed a deal for harvey nicks worldwide not just london and manc like we had before :) and i am still in charge design wise but from now on i aint havign nothing to do with the shops or doing personal stuff for people unless its vvvvvvvvips, like you better be beyonce or god if you want me to hand make you a dress from now on (or a mate <3) and i aint kissing arse no more at all them soulless parties or doing loads of press shit. i thought i wanted to be famous, it was meant to be fun, but it aint been fun for ages now and i dont see the point of doing all this shit 20 hours a day being fuckin miserable when i COULD be at home always within 30 mins of Lindsay making stuff and drawing stuff when i feel like it not cos people are screaming for it. everyone keeps saying its proffessional suicide and i am ruining my chance but its better than actual litteral suicide which is where i would of ended up if it kept on much longer -_-
so yeah thats whats happening. its scary cos yeah i know i fucked this up and running away from it aint going to fix nothign or make people (or me) change there minds about me being a useless cunt what cant ever finish nothign i start, and yeah its sad too cos when it was going right it was ace. i just dont want to do it no more, i know i am dead lucky cos i dont HAVE to do shit i dont want to do. gonna be a cambridge housewife for a bit i think and see how that goes.
rebeccas amazing btw, i know i slag her off all the time cos she looks like roz from monsters inc but she is dead nice realy and i shouldnt be so horrible about her cos like it even matters she aint a barbie doll, there aint nobody in the world i trust more tahn her to look after my work. i wish she was my mum, she feels like it sometimes but blah blah obvs i aint telling her that cos she has got a son anyway and it would be well weird XD she looks after me though, its nice. she is going to be ace at this job i know she is and anyone bitching at her in the fashion press can fuckin answer to me and my beefcake boyfriend :P
theres been nice stuff happening as well, Lindsays graduation :) i wish being smart was transmitted like syphillis cos i would be einstein by now haha ;) he looked so handsome omg, me and his mum was about busting with pride <3 and party season and stuff, sorry i never stayed taht long at anything but i was mid nervous breakdown, glad i finally got to see jones in a frock though that well cheered me up :P loving movember as well!!! i aint growing a tash cos i think Lindsay might dump me if he had to wake up next to magnum pi every morning but i been growing out my sideys again like this av, proper elvis vibe going on :P just need a jumpsuit and cape now and massive aviators, would have to pad out though cos i lose weight when i get miserable so i got sticky out hip bones again now and look like i got cancer or somethign -_-
ummmm have i got anything else to say?? i feel like i have but i cant think so it probably aint imporant. i got all this free time now, let me know if you want to catch up or do christmas shopping or something cos i miss everyone x