Too strange To Come Up WIth Something Clever and Whitty

[inthenditsright]

SO im home. Its odd being here again after two weeks. I sorta miss the house but the area. I dont know what write about so im gone.

Tomorow im sticking myself with a needle into my flesh!

Comments

[dirty__glamour]

I'm possibly an idiot for leaving a comment to your journal.
Because now you'll probably make it private, and I won't be able to read it anymore.
But I figure it's the right thing to do.

Jon, if only you could understand anything that goes on in my mind. If only you could understand why you and I aren't together. It's not because I left you for anyone, because that would be stupid. Also, I would hope you would know me well enough to know that I'm not that kind of person. But I guess you don't. I left you because you're happier without me. Look around, you've got a great life now, and I'm so happy for you. It seems like forever since I've seen you smile. I love you so much, and you know that. I promised you I would never stop loving you, and I won't, and never have. I'm an idiot, and I know that. But I found out what you've been saying about me, and you know, that's all just bullshit. It's drama. And I don't care what you're saying, or have said, or any of it. Because it's just a bunch of melodrama that neither you nor I need. I just wish you could talk to me, and trust me, and know that you're still my best friend. I stopped visiting you when you were still in Portland because I couldn't stand to watch you and Meghan be so cutesy together, it killed me inside. And also, I felt so alone when I was around you. All I wanted was for you to hold me, and love me, and I couldn't have that anymore. I'm nothing worth overthinking, so please don't. I'm sad and angsty, but those are things you don't need to worry about anymore. Just put me in the past, because that's where I belong. I fucked up by giving up the best thing in my life, and I can't ever make that better. Just know that this little girl will never be the same because of what you've taught her, and shown her, and how you've affected her. And that she'll always miss you.

♥

[inthenditsright]

I dont really know what to say to you when im around you. You seemed so able to pass me by and be with some one else and that killed me. And I just want to let you know that I dont know what your hearing about me and what I say about you but just so you know, I DONT talk about you to ne one so I dont know how ne one would know what I even think about you. Ne way, I guess I'll see you later alright.

[dirty__glamour]

I don't know what I expected from writing this to you. Maybe an indepth look at what exactly is going on in that unreadable head of yours. Or something more direct, more definite. "I still love you, but need time." "I don't ever want to be with you again you hateful bitch." "I love you, let's forget all of this." Although I'd like to think those are all unbelievable things, I'm guessing you probably DO think I'm a hateful bitch. And I hate to admit it, but I am. You've never seemed to have a problem talking to me before, so what changed? I thought we promised to stay best friend? And you didn't catch ANYTHING I said did you? That I didn't leave you to be with someone else. I'm not like that Jon, you should know that about me by now. I didn't just pass you by. Look at how happy you are! I gave you the gift of a second chance! And what I heard is something along the lines of how much I played you, and that maybe if I wasn't so busy sucking so many guys dicks that I could have broken up with you properly, and that you realized I'm not worth being with, and that time after time you've forgiven me for shit you shouldn't have, and you're never going to make THAT mistake again. That's what I heard.

And I hate to admit it, but I wouldn't doubt that those feelings are what you're really feeling.

Damnit Jon.
I fucked up.
I'm sorry.
I'm a stupid bitch, and you know, and I know it, and my mom knows it, and everyone knows it.
And now I see you're better off without me, and I'm selfish and want you back.
There. I said it.
And now I feel like shit since it's true.

[malicious_heart]

that is very true Jon. you don't talk about her, and when people start to say something about her, you stop them. because you don't want to talk about her.

♥

On a different note, where are you tonight?! i saw you earlier, and then you just left with luke, and i don't know where you went off to. you stupid jerk face.

♥