need v ability

[inthemindof]

I am having a day. I want need my books. That pretentious, ostentatious, amazing collection. I need to loftily flip through their pages to find the one paragraph that solves my problems. I need to feel that their are words to describe my soul's incoherent mumblings. I need to know that I am not the first, and I will not be the last. I need to see that "mistake" is just another word for experience. I need to see the woman I was so that I can understand the woman I have become. Why why why am I so in love with paper and letters?

I want this one more than anything...
Everything can be killed except nostalgia for the kingdom, we carry it in the color of our eyes, in every love affair, in everything that deeply torments and unties and tricks. [Julio Cortázar, Hopscotch]