myspace message to mitch
[....only thing that sucks is having to wake up at 6-6:30am 5 days a week to go in the city for hebrew class from 8-12:30, with a 30min break at 10am. it sucks so much. started flirting with an arabic girl in the class just to make it more interesting. shit's intense. gives me massive headaches.
right now im having insomnia and it sucks knowing i gotta be "up" in less than 2 hours...fucking great, huh?
im just waiting to join the army that's all..funny how i would want to be in the army so bad. im dying to wear the uniform, get yelled at, and do a thousand push-ups for a foreign country. i just wanna be proud of myself again. remember what the feels like? cause i barely do. i got a taste after basic training and airborne school...but i pissed it all away..literally.
so since may 2004, our high school graduation, my life has been shit. ups and downs, mostly downs. thousands of dollars wasted on rent and tuition..for what? i have nothing to show for it besides a broken heart, massive debt, no degree, general discharge, and a 2.5 GPA but still 1 credit away from being a sophomore.
sorry im writing this sob story, but i guess i just need to get it off my chest. i started writing in my notebook..a journal of some sorts, but got tired of it. nothing new or exciting to report. just shit over here too. i get to watch my roommmates come home on leave and go back to training or wherever they're stationed. i get to watch the fucking fag that i met and went through the recruitment process together..i get to see him in uniform and talk about "how hard" the israeli army is, and how "they dont care" about you here.
i try not to laugh when he says this.
i miss ya man. but what hurts the worst is knowing if i was home right now, this very second sitting in front of my own computer monitor at 4 in the morning..i'd still know my life was shit and i wouldn't have money to go back to school and i'd end up at a bullshit job. just waiting for time to pass and pray to whatever god there is, that i can get back in the US army, just to get my life back. to get the GI bill so they'll pay for my schooling.
some say it's better to have plans even if they take years to accomplish..it's better to have failed then to have never tried in the first place...right?
i dont know anymore. im just rambling at this point.
i just know out of everyone..besides my parents,
you would understand. my parents say they do, but they're not here with me..they're not the ones that watch their friends graduate and study abroard. it's 2009, i was suppose to get my degree may 2008..unfuckingbelievable.
you are truly right when you say,
"life is one big trip"
cause right now i'm trying to dig myself out of this crater of a hole i put myself in. im so close to just giving up, packing up, and going home. but, i know what is waiting for me at home...nothing. just a few good friends, some bullshit girls with their bullshit lies, and my parents to tell me they're behind me even though i've wasted away these passed 5 years.
can you believe it, it's been 5 years this may since we graduated from high school.
i'll end this with some hope.
life is waiting in line for an amusement ride, you get on the ride, then you get off and leave the park..you enter the park, there's ups and downs all over the place, but at the end of the day you know you're leaving from the same place you came in from.
in other words..everyday is a ride..sometimes we know when we're at the top and other times we've been at the bottom so long, its hard to imagine it ever getting better..but what we do know is no matter how hard and long the ride is, it is in the sense a ride. and all rides must come to an end.
peace and love my brother
miss ya man
right now im having insomnia and it sucks knowing i gotta be "up" in less than 2 hours...fucking great, huh?
im just waiting to join the army that's all..funny how i would want to be in the army so bad. im dying to wear the uniform, get yelled at, and do a thousand push-ups for a foreign country. i just wanna be proud of myself again. remember what the feels like? cause i barely do. i got a taste after basic training and airborne school...but i pissed it all away..literally.
so since may 2004, our high school graduation, my life has been shit. ups and downs, mostly downs. thousands of dollars wasted on rent and tuition..for what? i have nothing to show for it besides a broken heart, massive debt, no degree, general discharge, and a 2.5 GPA but still 1 credit away from being a sophomore.
sorry im writing this sob story, but i guess i just need to get it off my chest. i started writing in my notebook..a journal of some sorts, but got tired of it. nothing new or exciting to report. just shit over here too. i get to watch my roommmates come home on leave and go back to training or wherever they're stationed. i get to watch the fucking fag that i met and went through the recruitment process together..i get to see him in uniform and talk about "how hard" the israeli army is, and how "they dont care" about you here.
i try not to laugh when he says this.
i miss ya man. but what hurts the worst is knowing if i was home right now, this very second sitting in front of my own computer monitor at 4 in the morning..i'd still know my life was shit and i wouldn't have money to go back to school and i'd end up at a bullshit job. just waiting for time to pass and pray to whatever god there is, that i can get back in the US army, just to get my life back. to get the GI bill so they'll pay for my schooling.
some say it's better to have plans even if they take years to accomplish..it's better to have failed then to have never tried in the first place...right?
i dont know anymore. im just rambling at this point.
i just know out of everyone..besides my parents,
you would understand. my parents say they do, but they're not here with me..they're not the ones that watch their friends graduate and study abroard. it's 2009, i was suppose to get my degree may 2008..unfuckingbelievable.
you are truly right when you say,
"life is one big trip"
cause right now i'm trying to dig myself out of this crater of a hole i put myself in. im so close to just giving up, packing up, and going home. but, i know what is waiting for me at home...nothing. just a few good friends, some bullshit girls with their bullshit lies, and my parents to tell me they're behind me even though i've wasted away these passed 5 years.
can you believe it, it's been 5 years this may since we graduated from high school.
i'll end this with some hope.
life is waiting in line for an amusement ride, you get on the ride, then you get off and leave the park..you enter the park, there's ups and downs all over the place, but at the end of the day you know you're leaving from the same place you came in from.
in other words..everyday is a ride..sometimes we know when we're at the top and other times we've been at the bottom so long, its hard to imagine it ever getting better..but what we do know is no matter how hard and long the ride is, it is in the sense a ride. and all rides must come to an end.
peace and love my brother
miss ya man