Memory #4 (Sight, Sound, Touch) - Cloud's Crystal Experiment Gone Awry
I'll apologize right now for the length of this memory, but a full third of it is external exposition - Smoke reacting to the memory as it's playing out. Also a warning: there are gory details beyond this cut. PG-13, I think.
This memory was taken from segments of Saiyuki Reload: Chapter 17.1 through 19. For ease of reference, here's a link to the first time Smoke saw this particular scene - his first memory crystal in Edensphere.
-----
Nothingness - a complete lack of any sensory input.
And then appeared a gory sight indeed. It was Goku, in the same attire that Smoke was used to seeing Goku wearing in his memories now, lying on his front. Blood was spilling everywhere and the only mercy was that Smoke couldn't smell it. That didn't stop his imagination, however.
He heard his own voice cry out "GOKU!?!!??" simultaneously with another voice -- it was Hakkai. Then, like a white shroud cast over the body, someone else faded in next to Goku.
Is what happened... when that fire-youkai attacked Goku?
There was a lot of shouting after that, both his voice and Hakkai's as he saw their forms rush up. "Sanzo go away! You're in my way!!" Hakkai yelled. Smoke had almost forgotten Moon's real name.
A harsh slap echoed against the emptiness surrounding the memory -- Hakkai had slapped Sanzo when he didn't move.
Smoke could feel the dimming candle-light of Goku's power. Hakkai finally got Sanzo to move and started ordering Gojyo to help him out. When Gojyo touched Goku's body, Smoke felt every inch of the new gaps in Goku's skin. As the blood gurgled up and over Gojyo's hands, Smoke knew that sensation too. And when the light emanating from Hakkai's hands didn't do squat to kick-start Goku's dying flame, Smoke felt Gojyo shut his eyes as if to will away the scene before him. Smoke had no idea that Hakkai could do such a thing, but now wasn't the time to be impressed. Hakkai shouted some more.
The fact was, he felt Gojyo's frustration that Hakkai of all people couldn't help Goku now.
Wait... no fucking way... it can't be... The sensations were the same. A memory of the overwhelming smell of blood and sweat mingled together came back to him. No fucking way...
"The wounds are much too deep... the blood flow isn't stopping!"
"Don't joke!!"
"Hey, Goku! You must not die!"
"If you die I'll fucking beat you!"
That's when Goku started coughing and gagging on his own blood, throwing his head back in agony. Gojyo shouted his name, while Hakkai reported more bad news.
But like a window's curtain blowing in the wind, the shroud of Sanzo's aura was walking away. Just like in Smoke's first memory in Edensphere.
"Eh, Sanzo!?" It was Gojyo. "Where are you going at a time like this??"
"Kill." Definitely Moon's voice. "I will kill that freak." Sanzo took off running. Now it was only the three of them in the fringe world of the memory crystal. It was all up to Hakkai and Gojyo now to save Goku's life.
"Is he mad or what?" Gojyo demanded.
"I'm becoming mad too." Hakkai answered. "It's too late."
"... What are you saying?"
"There is nothing more I can do."
Gojyo reached over and grabbed Hakkai's shirt. "... And you're fine with that?"
"Get ahold of yourself, Gojyo!"
Smoke felt the sweat and knotted skin underneath Gojyo's headband.
"So... why don't we use our last chance?"
"Eh?"
"Take off the diadem."
Smoke and Gojyo shared an internal gasp of horror at the suggestion.
"Goku's enormous power... No, the SSSSSS TTTTTT's power may be able to flip the circumstances. I don't know what will happen, but..." Hakkai was more than a little pensive. "This is the only chance we have."
As with the first time he experienced this scene, Smoke realized how slow time felt when it was a crisis moment. They were talking faster, moving faster...
It was like a record skipping - the two of them kept talking a moment longer, then Gojyo's hands were reaching, reaching, for Goku's head.
No sooner had Gojyo removed the diadem than the whole fringe world shook with power and light exploding outwards as Smoke could suddenly see more within the memory. Gojyo was suddenly worried about the whole surrounding area, rather than just Goku now.
The next few instances seemed to flash by Smoke's eyes as Gojyo stood frozen in place, unable to affect the events unfolding before him. Goku's eyes flew open and he was gone in an instant, leaving a pool of blood in his wake. Then Goku was on a rooftop, screaming like a beast against the moon's silhouette. Nails elongated, eyes slit, fangs bared, hair draping down his back, and now he was surging in power as he drew strength from... somewhere. And healed himself. Hakkai was talking about it, but for whatever reason Smoke couldn't hear it.
"--worked better than I expected."
"I know, right? We got what we wanted... so now we're boned." Smoke watched Gojyo summon his weapon.
"You know what we have to do now, Gojyo."
"We don't have to kick his ass or anything, right? We just have to get that thing back on him."
"It sounds so simple when you say it."
Smoke stopped paying attention then as he remembered Amurui's birth - and how he'd instinctively known that something - some item - had to be the key to calming a person whose rage was other-wordly, intense, practically insane in nature. Smoke watched the battle in fast-forward, it looked like. How had he ever been that fast? How was the chain winding around like that? And what the hell did Hakkai just do with an energy ball that Goku then blocked and sent careening back at them?
It hurt like hell - Smoke could feel it as they went flying into a wall. Smoke was so stunned by the impact that when he looked up, all he could see was an extremely tall man in a bandana with two guns and a shorter man with a giant pendant around his neck wearing a fairly simple two-toned robe.
CRACK. A bullet fired.
A voice spoke, but it was garbled - like someone trying to speak under water. Somehow, trying to focus on seeing either man's face blurred his vision more and so he was left with only hazy images as the fight continued. The record skipped again in time with gunfire.
Then Hakkai was mumbling."-- If I go berserk, Gojyo... please be one to stop me."
Gojyo grabbed onto Hakkai.
What is he thinking?! WHAT IS HAKKAI THINKING?! Smoke tried to scream. I can't do jack shit compared to Toushi and Kiba and even Lea - what the hell makes him think I could stop him? ... and Smoke realized he didn't even know what Hakkai planned to do. Why was he reaching for his left ear? Something inside him just assured him that he was powerless in this situation. That there was nothing for him to do to change the outcome. How was I- no... he. How did he survive this long, if they were fighting enemies that could take out fucking Goku?
"I'm placing a lot on your shoulders, aren't I?"
"Hell. I already gave up on you. Since --." More garbled mess. Damn.
And then it began in fast-forward again. Hakkai's transformation into... something involving vines crawling all over his body and a distinct spike in his aura strength. A youkai. Oh hell no wonder he was that powerful. And then he and Goku proceeded to just go at it.
It blurred into oblivion again. DAMNIT, I WANT TO SEE HAKKAI!
"HAKKAI!!" It was Gojyo's voice, but Smoke was screaming too.
Smoke tried to get a grip. But it was so hard to even focus on anything. No... He's- that's Gojyo. And that's Gojyo's friend. I shouldn't care... what happened back then. He wanted to punch something - or someone, for not being there when they needed him. No.. he helped me - Hakkai helped Smoke, when I needed answers. He didn't have to. He gave me a damn birthday present for fuck's sake. And Goku helped too, in his own way. It... doesn't matter how Gojyo felt about them. They helped me too. They did!
And a flash came over his eyes - he was staring at a camera. The same style as the one Smoke had in Edensphere. Then it dispensed a picture.
The image was of Hakkai, bloody and sweating and still covered in vines, with a fist raised over super-powered Goku's head. He was kneeling over top of the kid, his hand over his throat.
It flashed again, another image. Now it was the other fist raised.
FLASH. The same image previous. FLASH. Another punch to Goku's face. The only thing changing was... an aura around Hakkai going from tinged red on the edges of his normal green, to getting darker brick red, to expanding, and then finally consuming him.
FLASH. Hakkai was grinning... menacingly.
FLASH. His clawed hand was raising up.
FLASH. His hand whipped back, casting blood up into the air - Goku's blood.
DON'T DO IT! "HAKKAI!!!"
Smoke reached out with both arms and felt every nerve in his body - Gojyo's body - strain to hold back the berserking man. This was no longer a bludgeoning effort - this was real, cold-blooded menace. Intent to kill. And in slow motion the pictures came again, without the flash this time.
Hakkai spinning out of Gojyo's grip.
Hakkai's eye flashing with malice, planning to eliminate the threat before him.
Gojyo bracing for a knuckle to the side of his face.
Gojyo's resolve, clear as day in his eyes-
Zoom. Gojyo's eyes.
Zoom again. Pools of red set against sweat-sheened tan skin.
So that's what I must've looked like to Lea... Shit.
Then Hakkai recoiled as all the red faded away, the world shifting blurry again and Hakkai disappearing from Smoke's sight. It was so damn irritating - he kept trying to remember back to that first memory and the smells it brought and the touches he felt to give some semblance of filling in the holes, but it was so very long ago.
All he could feel was Goku's aura fading back to normal... and Hakkai's just fading.
Gojyo crouched near his friend, trying so desperately to stop the blood. "... Help me out here, Hakkai..."
'Goddamnit! Why am I so useless...'
Whose voice was that?
In the darkness he saw that star-pendant raised up... and something about it made him feel cold inside.
"HE'S NOT DEAD!!! HE'S NOT DEAD YET, YOU PSYCHOPATH -- AND IF YOU TRY ANYTHING ON HIM, I WILL TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF!!"
Smoke saw Gojyo's face, then, contorted in frustration and fear and sadness and dread and... he was crying. Gojyo was crying. Smoke was crying.
And then Hakkai gasped. He was alive.
The hold on Smoke's body left him. He fell to his knees as the world collapsed inward again. All Smoke could see illuminated were Goku and Hakkai.
Why... goddamnit, why... do I care... why the fuck... was he- I- so useless? He fell to all fours, his hands gripping nothing but his own flesh. Nothing's changed, has it? I'm still not powerful enough to help my friends... goddamnit...
He missed what else they said. All he felt was that familiar weight - the one part of his original memory that he'd kept in perfect condition even after all this time. Dragging Hakkai along on his left side, and carrying an unconscious Goku under his right arm.
... And out of the shadows came Sanzo. Gojyo didn't even look in his direction as he walked past.
"Sorry, dick. I've got my hands full, so I can't beat you senseless right now."
And then that damn camera flashed again.
This memory was taken from segments of Saiyuki Reload: Chapter 17.1 through 19. For ease of reference, here's a link to the first time Smoke saw this particular scene - his first memory crystal in Edensphere.
-----
Nothingness - a complete lack of any sensory input.
And then appeared a gory sight indeed. It was Goku, in the same attire that Smoke was used to seeing Goku wearing in his memories now, lying on his front. Blood was spilling everywhere and the only mercy was that Smoke couldn't smell it. That didn't stop his imagination, however.
He heard his own voice cry out "GOKU!?!!??" simultaneously with another voice -- it was Hakkai. Then, like a white shroud cast over the body, someone else faded in next to Goku.
Is what happened... when that fire-youkai attacked Goku?
There was a lot of shouting after that, both his voice and Hakkai's as he saw their forms rush up. "Sanzo go away! You're in my way!!" Hakkai yelled. Smoke had almost forgotten Moon's real name.
A harsh slap echoed against the emptiness surrounding the memory -- Hakkai had slapped Sanzo when he didn't move.
Smoke could feel the dimming candle-light of Goku's power. Hakkai finally got Sanzo to move and started ordering Gojyo to help him out. When Gojyo touched Goku's body, Smoke felt every inch of the new gaps in Goku's skin. As the blood gurgled up and over Gojyo's hands, Smoke knew that sensation too. And when the light emanating from Hakkai's hands didn't do squat to kick-start Goku's dying flame, Smoke felt Gojyo shut his eyes as if to will away the scene before him. Smoke had no idea that Hakkai could do such a thing, but now wasn't the time to be impressed. Hakkai shouted some more.
The fact was, he felt Gojyo's frustration that Hakkai of all people couldn't help Goku now.
Wait... no fucking way... it can't be... The sensations were the same. A memory of the overwhelming smell of blood and sweat mingled together came back to him. No fucking way...
"The wounds are much too deep... the blood flow isn't stopping!"
"Don't joke!!"
"Hey, Goku! You must not die!"
"If you die I'll fucking beat you!"
That's when Goku started coughing and gagging on his own blood, throwing his head back in agony. Gojyo shouted his name, while Hakkai reported more bad news.
But like a window's curtain blowing in the wind, the shroud of Sanzo's aura was walking away. Just like in Smoke's first memory in Edensphere.
"Eh, Sanzo!?" It was Gojyo. "Where are you going at a time like this??"
"Kill." Definitely Moon's voice. "I will kill that freak." Sanzo took off running. Now it was only the three of them in the fringe world of the memory crystal. It was all up to Hakkai and Gojyo now to save Goku's life.
"Is he mad or what?" Gojyo demanded.
"I'm becoming mad too." Hakkai answered. "It's too late."
"... What are you saying?"
"There is nothing more I can do."
Gojyo reached over and grabbed Hakkai's shirt. "... And you're fine with that?"
"Get ahold of yourself, Gojyo!"
Smoke felt the sweat and knotted skin underneath Gojyo's headband.
"So... why don't we use our last chance?"
"Eh?"
"Take off the diadem."
Smoke and Gojyo shared an internal gasp of horror at the suggestion.
"Goku's enormous power... No, the SSSSSS TTTTTT's power may be able to flip the circumstances. I don't know what will happen, but..." Hakkai was more than a little pensive. "This is the only chance we have."
As with the first time he experienced this scene, Smoke realized how slow time felt when it was a crisis moment. They were talking faster, moving faster...
It was like a record skipping - the two of them kept talking a moment longer, then Gojyo's hands were reaching, reaching, for Goku's head.
No sooner had Gojyo removed the diadem than the whole fringe world shook with power and light exploding outwards as Smoke could suddenly see more within the memory. Gojyo was suddenly worried about the whole surrounding area, rather than just Goku now.
The next few instances seemed to flash by Smoke's eyes as Gojyo stood frozen in place, unable to affect the events unfolding before him. Goku's eyes flew open and he was gone in an instant, leaving a pool of blood in his wake. Then Goku was on a rooftop, screaming like a beast against the moon's silhouette. Nails elongated, eyes slit, fangs bared, hair draping down his back, and now he was surging in power as he drew strength from... somewhere. And healed himself. Hakkai was talking about it, but for whatever reason Smoke couldn't hear it.
"--worked better than I expected."
"I know, right? We got what we wanted... so now we're boned." Smoke watched Gojyo summon his weapon.
"You know what we have to do now, Gojyo."
"We don't have to kick his ass or anything, right? We just have to get that thing back on him."
"It sounds so simple when you say it."
Smoke stopped paying attention then as he remembered Amurui's birth - and how he'd instinctively known that something - some item - had to be the key to calming a person whose rage was other-wordly, intense, practically insane in nature. Smoke watched the battle in fast-forward, it looked like. How had he ever been that fast? How was the chain winding around like that? And what the hell did Hakkai just do with an energy ball that Goku then blocked and sent careening back at them?
It hurt like hell - Smoke could feel it as they went flying into a wall. Smoke was so stunned by the impact that when he looked up, all he could see was an extremely tall man in a bandana with two guns and a shorter man with a giant pendant around his neck wearing a fairly simple two-toned robe.
CRACK. A bullet fired.
A voice spoke, but it was garbled - like someone trying to speak under water. Somehow, trying to focus on seeing either man's face blurred his vision more and so he was left with only hazy images as the fight continued. The record skipped again in time with gunfire.
Then Hakkai was mumbling."-- If I go berserk, Gojyo... please be one to stop me."
Gojyo grabbed onto Hakkai.
What is he thinking?! WHAT IS HAKKAI THINKING?! Smoke tried to scream. I can't do jack shit compared to Toushi and Kiba and even Lea - what the hell makes him think I could stop him? ... and Smoke realized he didn't even know what Hakkai planned to do. Why was he reaching for his left ear? Something inside him just assured him that he was powerless in this situation. That there was nothing for him to do to change the outcome. How was I- no... he. How did he survive this long, if they were fighting enemies that could take out fucking Goku?
"I'm placing a lot on your shoulders, aren't I?"
"Hell. I already gave up on you. Since --." More garbled mess. Damn.
And then it began in fast-forward again. Hakkai's transformation into... something involving vines crawling all over his body and a distinct spike in his aura strength. A youkai. Oh hell no wonder he was that powerful. And then he and Goku proceeded to just go at it.
It blurred into oblivion again. DAMNIT, I WANT TO SEE HAKKAI!
"HAKKAI!!" It was Gojyo's voice, but Smoke was screaming too.
Smoke tried to get a grip. But it was so hard to even focus on anything. No... He's- that's Gojyo. And that's Gojyo's friend. I shouldn't care... what happened back then. He wanted to punch something - or someone, for not being there when they needed him. No.. he helped me - Hakkai helped Smoke, when I needed answers. He didn't have to. He gave me a damn birthday present for fuck's sake. And Goku helped too, in his own way. It... doesn't matter how Gojyo felt about them. They helped me too. They did!
And a flash came over his eyes - he was staring at a camera. The same style as the one Smoke had in Edensphere. Then it dispensed a picture.
The image was of Hakkai, bloody and sweating and still covered in vines, with a fist raised over super-powered Goku's head. He was kneeling over top of the kid, his hand over his throat.
It flashed again, another image. Now it was the other fist raised.
FLASH. The same image previous. FLASH. Another punch to Goku's face. The only thing changing was... an aura around Hakkai going from tinged red on the edges of his normal green, to getting darker brick red, to expanding, and then finally consuming him.
FLASH. Hakkai was grinning... menacingly.
FLASH. His clawed hand was raising up.
FLASH. His hand whipped back, casting blood up into the air - Goku's blood.
DON'T DO IT! "HAKKAI!!!"
Smoke reached out with both arms and felt every nerve in his body - Gojyo's body - strain to hold back the berserking man. This was no longer a bludgeoning effort - this was real, cold-blooded menace. Intent to kill. And in slow motion the pictures came again, without the flash this time.
Hakkai spinning out of Gojyo's grip.
Hakkai's eye flashing with malice, planning to eliminate the threat before him.
Gojyo bracing for a knuckle to the side of his face.
Gojyo's resolve, clear as day in his eyes-
Zoom. Gojyo's eyes.
Zoom again. Pools of red set against sweat-sheened tan skin.
So that's what I must've looked like to Lea... Shit.
Then Hakkai recoiled as all the red faded away, the world shifting blurry again and Hakkai disappearing from Smoke's sight. It was so damn irritating - he kept trying to remember back to that first memory and the smells it brought and the touches he felt to give some semblance of filling in the holes, but it was so very long ago.
All he could feel was Goku's aura fading back to normal... and Hakkai's just fading.
Gojyo crouched near his friend, trying so desperately to stop the blood. "... Help me out here, Hakkai..."
'Goddamnit! Why am I so useless...'
Whose voice was that?
In the darkness he saw that star-pendant raised up... and something about it made him feel cold inside.
"HE'S NOT DEAD!!! HE'S NOT DEAD YET, YOU PSYCHOPATH -- AND IF YOU TRY ANYTHING ON HIM, I WILL TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF!!"
Smoke saw Gojyo's face, then, contorted in frustration and fear and sadness and dread and... he was crying. Gojyo was crying. Smoke was crying.
And then Hakkai gasped. He was alive.
The hold on Smoke's body left him. He fell to his knees as the world collapsed inward again. All Smoke could see illuminated were Goku and Hakkai.
Why... goddamnit, why... do I care... why the fuck... was he- I- so useless? He fell to all fours, his hands gripping nothing but his own flesh. Nothing's changed, has it? I'm still not powerful enough to help my friends... goddamnit...
He missed what else they said. All he felt was that familiar weight - the one part of his original memory that he'd kept in perfect condition even after all this time. Dragging Hakkai along on his left side, and carrying an unconscious Goku under his right arm.
... And out of the shadows came Sanzo. Gojyo didn't even look in his direction as he walked past.
"Sorry, dick. I've got my hands full, so I can't beat you senseless right now."
And then that damn camera flashed again.