You never doubted my thoughts on suicidal hate
I've been crying all day and im sick of it. Mitch is about to go back to jail. Hes my best friend and yeah carl gets jelouse and doesnt like it when me and mitch are together but he can't hold us back becuase hes my brother. More of a brother than ryan will ever be to me. We get in our fights but withen 5 minutes we will get over it. Lindsey is going to JDC for two weeks so thats not to bad but shes really depressed and freaking out about court today. So this post is for mitch. Here goes:
You where the one that was there when i gave birth to Zaida, Carl, her dad, wasn't even there. You let me hold your hand even though it hurt, even though your hand was broken but we laughed becuase we where in such a great place for you to have a broken hand.
Where would i be without you bro? The times you took me in when i was kicked out of the house. When you had to help me snick back in to grab things for Zaida. You accepted me when no one else would. You said words that didn't make a sound but i trusted them becuase your eyes had trust in them. These words always make way to much sence.
You are my newest project and im dedicated to you. I'm helping you get on your feet, if the court new this you wouldn't have to go. I was there when you feet where so tired of being stood apon and you had to lay down. I doctored your cuts and the mucus filled blisters on them wile you slept wile you couldn't take what the world gave you. I was there to help you take baby steps back outside once you heeled. I don't do that to everyone if they have no hope but i see it in your eyes. I wish you wouldn't take this gift for granted but i always forgive you.
I loved the times when you would wrap your arms around me at night. I didn't even need a blanket for comfort your arms where enough. You arms filled me with as much protection as a human can hold. I would pretend to be asleep so that you would relax and when you fell asleep i would touch your 'grandpa' hands. They always showed what you had been threw in the past. I know your past from your hands and you never even had to say a word of it.
I always wanted to tell you that i was yours for the taking. I knew i wasnt beautiful enough or what you where looking for but i always tried. Always making my good quilities stand out so maybe you would forget the bad. I hid my uglyness and dirt so maybe you would see me. You always saw me and i had to relize that we are not ment to be that i am your little sister and you love me to much to hurt me the way relationships do.
I remember being in my car. We are always in my car. The way i would make you think about life in a whole knew way and you hated the affect i had on you so you would threaten to jump out. But i think you relized that all you wanted to do was spread your wings.
The way we sat infront of your moms trailer in my car when things got to bad but we had no where to go. We pretneded we where getting somewhere but we never did. We listeaned to music and smoked ciggerrets and talked about family pasts and making it threw the future. The way you would listean to me when i went into rants about girl rights and the jokes we made about me blowing up a texas football game. We laughed till we where in tears. We talked till we didnt know if we where really two diffrent people or if we where one attached by the mind.
We have rules to our friendship that are unsaid. Understandments that we never mentioned. When i hired you as my best friend and you laughed and said you had applied a long time ago. We laughed and hugged and i didnt ever want to let go becuase i knew deep down that someone would take you away and i never thought it would be the court. I think i lost a peice of me in you that night. I think i left it in your arms.
You are always the one thats there when the weight of the world has fallen on me and i cant get up. Your the first one to grab a shovel and start working on me. Just enough so that i can stand again and you let me cry becuase you know how hard it is for me to make it threw day by day not knowing if ill be able to walk the next morning.
I will always hate the way you make me smile. The way you dig your head under my arm and start crawling in my lap but you forget that you are to big. the way you poke at my sides till i laugh. I hate it all but somehow it works. And when i say i hate you you say you love me and hug me even though im punching you becuase you know i would never acctually hurt you. And how when we acctually do get mad we sit and wait for the street light to turn green till then we are passing my last cig back and forth taking long slow drags and before the light ever turns green we have already forgotten why we where fighting.
How when i want something i cling around your leg and you walk around the house without saying a word to me pretneding im not there but i see the smile on your face even though im not looking and im clinging and i dont ever want to let go but i know i have to once you give into me. You try to act mad but then i jump in your lap like a puppy and you have to laugh becuase im so excited about what ever you gave in to.
I love you Mitcheal Drymon and even though ill be 30 when you get out Zaida will know all about you, she will know that your her uncle that you went threw as much pain as i did to get her out of my body.
The only think i want for my birthday is for you not to be in jail and im praying every night that you wont go. If your there on the 27th for me. This will be the best birthday i have ever had.
I guess i should stop now becuase my tears have blured my eyes. I'll die without you Mitchy D.
You where the one that was there when i gave birth to Zaida, Carl, her dad, wasn't even there. You let me hold your hand even though it hurt, even though your hand was broken but we laughed becuase we where in such a great place for you to have a broken hand.
Where would i be without you bro? The times you took me in when i was kicked out of the house. When you had to help me snick back in to grab things for Zaida. You accepted me when no one else would. You said words that didn't make a sound but i trusted them becuase your eyes had trust in them. These words always make way to much sence.
You are my newest project and im dedicated to you. I'm helping you get on your feet, if the court new this you wouldn't have to go. I was there when you feet where so tired of being stood apon and you had to lay down. I doctored your cuts and the mucus filled blisters on them wile you slept wile you couldn't take what the world gave you. I was there to help you take baby steps back outside once you heeled. I don't do that to everyone if they have no hope but i see it in your eyes. I wish you wouldn't take this gift for granted but i always forgive you.
I loved the times when you would wrap your arms around me at night. I didn't even need a blanket for comfort your arms where enough. You arms filled me with as much protection as a human can hold. I would pretend to be asleep so that you would relax and when you fell asleep i would touch your 'grandpa' hands. They always showed what you had been threw in the past. I know your past from your hands and you never even had to say a word of it.
I always wanted to tell you that i was yours for the taking. I knew i wasnt beautiful enough or what you where looking for but i always tried. Always making my good quilities stand out so maybe you would forget the bad. I hid my uglyness and dirt so maybe you would see me. You always saw me and i had to relize that we are not ment to be that i am your little sister and you love me to much to hurt me the way relationships do.
I remember being in my car. We are always in my car. The way i would make you think about life in a whole knew way and you hated the affect i had on you so you would threaten to jump out. But i think you relized that all you wanted to do was spread your wings.
The way we sat infront of your moms trailer in my car when things got to bad but we had no where to go. We pretneded we where getting somewhere but we never did. We listeaned to music and smoked ciggerrets and talked about family pasts and making it threw the future. The way you would listean to me when i went into rants about girl rights and the jokes we made about me blowing up a texas football game. We laughed till we where in tears. We talked till we didnt know if we where really two diffrent people or if we where one attached by the mind.
We have rules to our friendship that are unsaid. Understandments that we never mentioned. When i hired you as my best friend and you laughed and said you had applied a long time ago. We laughed and hugged and i didnt ever want to let go becuase i knew deep down that someone would take you away and i never thought it would be the court. I think i lost a peice of me in you that night. I think i left it in your arms.
You are always the one thats there when the weight of the world has fallen on me and i cant get up. Your the first one to grab a shovel and start working on me. Just enough so that i can stand again and you let me cry becuase you know how hard it is for me to make it threw day by day not knowing if ill be able to walk the next morning.
I will always hate the way you make me smile. The way you dig your head under my arm and start crawling in my lap but you forget that you are to big. the way you poke at my sides till i laugh. I hate it all but somehow it works. And when i say i hate you you say you love me and hug me even though im punching you becuase you know i would never acctually hurt you. And how when we acctually do get mad we sit and wait for the street light to turn green till then we are passing my last cig back and forth taking long slow drags and before the light ever turns green we have already forgotten why we where fighting.
How when i want something i cling around your leg and you walk around the house without saying a word to me pretneding im not there but i see the smile on your face even though im not looking and im clinging and i dont ever want to let go but i know i have to once you give into me. You try to act mad but then i jump in your lap like a puppy and you have to laugh becuase im so excited about what ever you gave in to.
I love you Mitcheal Drymon and even though ill be 30 when you get out Zaida will know all about you, she will know that your her uncle that you went threw as much pain as i did to get her out of my body.
The only think i want for my birthday is for you not to be in jail and im praying every night that you wont go. If your there on the 27th for me. This will be the best birthday i have ever had.
I guess i should stop now becuase my tears have blured my eyes. I'll die without you Mitchy D.