(no subject)
I’ve been missing a lot of school lately. Mainly due to the fact that I cant get up in the morning, on top of not having enough motivation to get through the day; and when I do wind up getting through a large portion of the day, my mom might give me a certain look or say something to my brother while im in the other room, but it’ll be loud enough for me to hear..and I’ll just feel like total shit..and after that.. I just can’t take it anymore. I’ll either wind up having a nervous breakdown or panic attack. Both are huge issues that I need to see an actual psychiatrist for, not some school head doctor that won’t do anything but piss me off with ‘it’ll be okay’s and ‘just talk to her, be the mature one’ I DON’T WANT TO BE THE MATURE ONE! I’M 17! SHE’S THE IGNORANT SOB, AND I’M JUST STUBBORN.
She’s always favored my brother, I’m not exactly sure why.. Maybe it was because she always had to look out for him because of his dyslexia(a disorder involving difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols.)..and because when he was growing up, he’d be made fun of for not being able to read as fast as the other kids in class..and just being ‘different’. To this day, not a month goes by where I don’t hear someone say something about him. Or he brings up being harassed at work, or when he was in school, being harassed there too.
Although we(my brother and i) have NEVER gotten along, his dyslexia was one of the main reasons I want to become a speech pathologist. I saw all the difficulties he went through growing up, and once he started going to Carmine Zito (his speech pathologist) there was a sudden improvement. It wasn’t over night, but I mean, COMMON nothing totally changes overnight.
When my cousin Jessie turned 4 my mom started to notice that he wasn’t able to pronounce words correctly so she decided to tell my aunt so that she could tell the school to put him in special ed. Once he hit kindergarten but she ignored it and basically said ‘I’ll let his teachers take care of this problem, my son isn’t going into special ed.’ Not understanding that unless she gives them consent, they’ll keep him in ‘normal’ classes and he won’t improve. Background info on my aunt and ‘uncle’: they aren’t married, due to my uncle being a dirtbag and not wanting to pay for them to get their vows read/not wanting to buy the rings. They both use to do heavy drugs(cocaine, heroin, etc.) My aunt stole money from my grandpa when I was little, and I wasn’t allowed to see her for a good 2 years. On top of that, when I did finally get to see her, she hit me with a broom because she said she heard me yell at Jessie(he was maybe 3? At the time) To this day I think she was high when she did that. Soo back to my cousin, My aunt waited another 4!!! years to get him to into special ed. She didn’t have him enrolled in school for 2 of them, and when she finally put him back in he was still not able to read, and he had the speech level of a 4 year old. (He was 8 at the time). So my mom took measures into her own hands, and said ‘Jenette I’ll pay for Jessie to go to Michael’s (my brother) speech therapist Carmine, your just not permitted to take him out of school if I do. She agreed. Things were good for a while, Jessies reading/writing/speech improved to an extent. Then my aunt went back on her word ten fold, and moved to jersey with my ‘uncle’ and Jessie. We didn’t hear from them for another 2 years. And when we finally did, she had my cousin call up. I knew right off the bat it was him because he still sounded the same. No improvement in his speech, nothing. Then my aunt got on the phone and she was like ‘hey rae-rae put your mom on the phone’ I gave the phone to my mom, and she just started screaming at my aunt, (it went something like this) ‘you leave with my nephew to a different state, no call, letter, NOTHING and then you have him call my house because your too scared to do it yourself. fuck you. *click*. They didn’t talk for another few months, and when she finally got the balls to call again around easter and my mom told her to come over blah blah blah. Basically, we haven’t heard from her since. My mom probably stopped picking up her calls. But honestly I miss Jessie he was a really good kid, and didn’t deserve the bullshit my aunt put into his life.:(
Back to my mom..
I’ve been saying she hasn’t been talking to me, and it seems like its more and more my fault then hers. I know this may sound dumb(on my part), but if it wasn’t for me not talking to her the day after the incident 2 weeks ago, things would be fine right now. She would have told me about my grandfather getting the surgery. My brother might have laid off making me feel like shit for a few more days and my dad wouldn’t be so stressed right now about having to handle the house and all his meetings, along with my mom and me being at each other’s throats.
Idk..things are just bullshit lately but I’m sure they’ll get better. They always do.
Work has been a lot of fun thus far. I’ve met at few really nice guys, and a few creepsters.. But it’s nothing new. The girls that work there for the most part are nice, there are always the skanks, but just like in school, I ignore them. I’m getting a lot more hours added on this week because of Easter coming up. They want me prepared and whatnot. Since I need the money, I really don’t mind.
I love seeing my friends, making friends, finally being talkative, not being so shy anymore. I guess I can thank my ex for that, while we went out I really came out of my shell.. And I’m glad we did stay friends for a while after..too bad things had to end and things had to change. I talked to his sister yesterday and asked about his cat Reena and she said she had to get put down because of her breast cancer, that made me really really upset. I miss his mom a lot.
Things with Greg are going really well, he’s such an amazing guy..and I’m just really glad I’m getting to spend a lot of my time with him. His family is great. His dad helped me out with my car last week because I forgot that I need to get an oil change every 5,000 miles since my car Is over 100,000 miles. So he went outside and put some oil in my car, which was really nice. His sister Vicky and I get along really well, we went to the take action tour together last week along with I am the Avalanche a couple of months ago. His mom picks me up on occasion to bring me over their house for dinner and sometime just to see Greg when he’s sickly, we listen to disco and she gives me honest advice about my mom, which is always so helpful. It’s just really great that I get along with them :).. Greg has been very patient with me and my crying outburst and major mood swings. I’m a very lucky girl.<3
Speaking of cancer, My aunt Paula is still getting radiation done, but since I haven’t been talking to my mom, I haven’t been able to speak to my aunt ( when my mom and I are fighting, she exaggerates a lot of things I say and do when she tells my aunt whats going on and that causes my aunt to get pissed off at me). My cousin Theresa is doing well, she had to get her uterus and ovaries taken out last month because of cancer as well, even though she said she didn’t want kids, I really think she did. Idk..it’s just really sad when I hear about this cancer bullshit. On top of all this stuff that’s happening I felt a lump on my left breast a few days ago, and it hasn’t gone away.. I’m only 17, I have small boobs, so I really don’t think it could be cancer, but since my family has a history of cystic breast (my mom and both aunts have them) I’ll probably wind up going to my Gyno to just get it checked out.
This entry took me a little over an hour to write because starbucks at 7am isn’t the quietest place to be, but its mega fun watching people fight with the baristas about making sure they use decaf coffee or else they’ll throw it on them. Blah blah blah..
<3
She’s always favored my brother, I’m not exactly sure why.. Maybe it was because she always had to look out for him because of his dyslexia(a disorder involving difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols.)..and because when he was growing up, he’d be made fun of for not being able to read as fast as the other kids in class..and just being ‘different’. To this day, not a month goes by where I don’t hear someone say something about him. Or he brings up being harassed at work, or when he was in school, being harassed there too.
Although we(my brother and i) have NEVER gotten along, his dyslexia was one of the main reasons I want to become a speech pathologist. I saw all the difficulties he went through growing up, and once he started going to Carmine Zito (his speech pathologist) there was a sudden improvement. It wasn’t over night, but I mean, COMMON nothing totally changes overnight.
When my cousin Jessie turned 4 my mom started to notice that he wasn’t able to pronounce words correctly so she decided to tell my aunt so that she could tell the school to put him in special ed. Once he hit kindergarten but she ignored it and basically said ‘I’ll let his teachers take care of this problem, my son isn’t going into special ed.’ Not understanding that unless she gives them consent, they’ll keep him in ‘normal’ classes and he won’t improve. Background info on my aunt and ‘uncle’: they aren’t married, due to my uncle being a dirtbag and not wanting to pay for them to get their vows read/not wanting to buy the rings. They both use to do heavy drugs(cocaine, heroin, etc.) My aunt stole money from my grandpa when I was little, and I wasn’t allowed to see her for a good 2 years. On top of that, when I did finally get to see her, she hit me with a broom because she said she heard me yell at Jessie(he was maybe 3? At the time) To this day I think she was high when she did that. Soo back to my cousin, My aunt waited another 4!!! years to get him to into special ed. She didn’t have him enrolled in school for 2 of them, and when she finally put him back in he was still not able to read, and he had the speech level of a 4 year old. (He was 8 at the time). So my mom took measures into her own hands, and said ‘Jenette I’ll pay for Jessie to go to Michael’s (my brother) speech therapist Carmine, your just not permitted to take him out of school if I do. She agreed. Things were good for a while, Jessies reading/writing/speech improved to an extent. Then my aunt went back on her word ten fold, and moved to jersey with my ‘uncle’ and Jessie. We didn’t hear from them for another 2 years. And when we finally did, she had my cousin call up. I knew right off the bat it was him because he still sounded the same. No improvement in his speech, nothing. Then my aunt got on the phone and she was like ‘hey rae-rae put your mom on the phone’ I gave the phone to my mom, and she just started screaming at my aunt, (it went something like this) ‘you leave with my nephew to a different state, no call, letter, NOTHING and then you have him call my house because your too scared to do it yourself. fuck you. *click*. They didn’t talk for another few months, and when she finally got the balls to call again around easter and my mom told her to come over blah blah blah. Basically, we haven’t heard from her since. My mom probably stopped picking up her calls. But honestly I miss Jessie he was a really good kid, and didn’t deserve the bullshit my aunt put into his life.:(
Back to my mom..
I’ve been saying she hasn’t been talking to me, and it seems like its more and more my fault then hers. I know this may sound dumb(on my part), but if it wasn’t for me not talking to her the day after the incident 2 weeks ago, things would be fine right now. She would have told me about my grandfather getting the surgery. My brother might have laid off making me feel like shit for a few more days and my dad wouldn’t be so stressed right now about having to handle the house and all his meetings, along with my mom and me being at each other’s throats.
Idk..things are just bullshit lately but I’m sure they’ll get better. They always do.
Work has been a lot of fun thus far. I’ve met at few really nice guys, and a few creepsters.. But it’s nothing new. The girls that work there for the most part are nice, there are always the skanks, but just like in school, I ignore them. I’m getting a lot more hours added on this week because of Easter coming up. They want me prepared and whatnot. Since I need the money, I really don’t mind.
I love seeing my friends, making friends, finally being talkative, not being so shy anymore. I guess I can thank my ex for that, while we went out I really came out of my shell.. And I’m glad we did stay friends for a while after..too bad things had to end and things had to change. I talked to his sister yesterday and asked about his cat Reena and she said she had to get put down because of her breast cancer, that made me really really upset. I miss his mom a lot.
Things with Greg are going really well, he’s such an amazing guy..and I’m just really glad I’m getting to spend a lot of my time with him. His family is great. His dad helped me out with my car last week because I forgot that I need to get an oil change every 5,000 miles since my car Is over 100,000 miles. So he went outside and put some oil in my car, which was really nice. His sister Vicky and I get along really well, we went to the take action tour together last week along with I am the Avalanche a couple of months ago. His mom picks me up on occasion to bring me over their house for dinner and sometime just to see Greg when he’s sickly, we listen to disco and she gives me honest advice about my mom, which is always so helpful. It’s just really great that I get along with them :).. Greg has been very patient with me and my crying outburst and major mood swings. I’m a very lucky girl.<3
Speaking of cancer, My aunt Paula is still getting radiation done, but since I haven’t been talking to my mom, I haven’t been able to speak to my aunt ( when my mom and I are fighting, she exaggerates a lot of things I say and do when she tells my aunt whats going on and that causes my aunt to get pissed off at me). My cousin Theresa is doing well, she had to get her uterus and ovaries taken out last month because of cancer as well, even though she said she didn’t want kids, I really think she did. Idk..it’s just really sad when I hear about this cancer bullshit. On top of all this stuff that’s happening I felt a lump on my left breast a few days ago, and it hasn’t gone away.. I’m only 17, I have small boobs, so I really don’t think it could be cancer, but since my family has a history of cystic breast (my mom and both aunts have them) I’ll probably wind up going to my Gyno to just get it checked out.
This entry took me a little over an hour to write because starbucks at 7am isn’t the quietest place to be, but its mega fun watching people fight with the baristas about making sure they use decaf coffee or else they’ll throw it on them. Blah blah blah..
<3