sporadic thought. [s]
I am so entirely angry
with nobody but myself.
and it's horrible.
I hate to be the one that requires more attention than I can give.
the one who gets the talking to, instead of the giving the talk.
lately I feel like I'm holding back this huge part of who I am.
I hate that.
that isn't me, at all.
I feel like a lot like I have to be the initiator in every single situation I find myself in,
like people look to me for answers I can't give.
throw responsibilities my way I can't handle.
I know I am an alright person.
but I can't throw off positive energy I don't have, anymore.
and then I feel bad about that.
because I am the go-to gal.
and I give what I can.
but I feel like there is a lot of unspoken appreciation in this world.
in my world.
and I wish I could share with everyone and anyone I have come in contact with just how great of an affect they've had on me.
and how they've shaped me into the person I am. now.
good. or bad.
eh. I feel like I'm wrapped up in too much shit that I can't find the leading cause to the "problem".
if there is one.
I can't even get it all out.
just a quick early a.m. tantrum.
and I'll probably read this tomorrow and laugh.
tell myself I'm full of shit.
that I wine too much.
suck it up.
I'm done.
I am going back to bed.
I want to have a good day.
and that is one thing I can control.