clutter in my head

[inthe_darkness]

well, it's only been a few months since i've written in this, and this is the first i've actually thought of writing in here in a few months. in short, i guess i could say that i really think i know what it means to be happy. i'm not going to explain to you my definition of happiness, because i think each person probably has a different idea of what it feels like. if you have never experienced true happiness, then i think you're missing out. big time. i wish i could make every person in the world feel this this, but it's just something you have to wait for. it will come though. if you know me well, you'll know i'm impatient and i hate waiting for things, but this has finally come. the bad thing now though is, there's things that are trying to ruin this for me though. i'm a fighter though. i do not give up and i WILL NOT give up. i grew up watching one of the most important people to me give up every chance he got, and i will never ever be like that because of the way he is now. he could have so much right now, but he chose to give up and miss out on what could have been, if he would have just kept holding on and fighting. i believe that hard times only make everything else easier. it sounds wrong, but it's true if you think about it. you'll deal with the hard times.. yeah you'll cry, you'll be depressed, you'll just basically want to die. if you survive it though, you're only going to learn from it. you learn from the bad in order to help the good. it all makes sense, if you just sit and think about it. if nothing was hard, then everything would be easy, and that just wouldn't be life. what would make you stronger if everything was easy? everyone would be weak and self-centered. i'm definatly not the biggest optimist in the world, but i stick with what i believe in. i fight for what i want, and i don't give up. i may let go of certain people or things, but that doesn't mean i've given up at all. sometimes you just have to let go in order to move on. letting go does NOT make you weak. it's just something you have to do sometimes if you want to keep your sanity. but as of right now, i'd never EVER dream of letting go of what i have now.

think about all of this.
i'm staying hopeful through it all, and i'm not letting go. i wont let go, even if it kills me. <3

*you're my survival*