Up Next, on Sick Sad World...
Ok, I'm on a ship rant, so watch out. I'll try to remain calm. Stress on "try".
There happens to be this crazy web site out there of this crazy person who has actually published an entire page on why DBZ's Goku and Bulma should be together. Disregarding their minimal grasp on the English language, this individual is obviously completely fucked in the head. Here are her arguments, and my rebuttals.
#1. Yin and Yang: "Their personalities complement ench other perfectly, and provide the level of friction nessesary to keep a relationship active and interesting". Okay. This idea of "opposites attract", first of all, is complete b.s. I most definitely do not like guys that are dumbass motherfuckers, and they sure as hell don't like me. I'll never marry a conservative. Polar opposites do not a relationship make. Also, a relationship is not about "keeping things interesting". A relationship is a partnership, and marital harmony does not equal yin and yang. Dude, even Chinese horoscopes say this - I always get warned on those dumb little zodiac papers they hand out at restaurants to watch out for roosters, because they're my opposite. Why are you insisting on a couple simply because the pairing would amuse you anyway?
#2. Adventuring Spirit: "Neither of them are content just to sit around and count their wrinkles. Both Goku and Bulma are always going off on journeys together, searching for Dragon Balls or whatever. Now, there is no better way to build a interesting relationship than to journey together. It promises new sights, new people, and new situations to share."
* so they're both irresponsible? what happens when the children come along?
* Bulma doesn't like to adventure in DBZ. She fuckin' whines the entire time she's on Namek.
* Vegeta sits around and counts his wrinkles? Ha ha ha ha...
#3. Teamwork: "Both of them have abilities that perfectly compliment ench other. Bulma has all the technical know-how to pop a gadget to get them out of a jam. And Goku has the martial-arts skill to obliterate any opposition that stands in their way. Brains and Brawn, the perfect combination."
* Bulma fucking gives up these gadgets without a fight in Lord Slug, because she's so weak.
* If you want to see teamwork, watch the ending episodes of the Piccolo Jr. saga, when Goku and Chi-Chi are off trying to get the bansho fan. They're equally competent at kicking ass and Chi-Chi has the wherewithal to make fun of Emperor Pilaf as well as collect the random pieces that are finally needed to solve the problem. Sorry, but Bulma's just not as competent as Goku, and Chi-Chi is.
#4. Yin and Yang Revisited: "Like all people, Goku and Bulma have bad traits as well as good. However, in the long run, these traits will end up cancelling each other out. Bulma has the common sence to keep Goku from doing anything rediculously stupid and getting into trouble. And Goku has the good will to subdue Bulma's selfish side and keep her helping others." Okay, again with this yin yang bullshit. I'm going to skip addressing all of that crap and just go straight for what I think the person's trying to imply: they improve each other. Is Goku's "flaw" in the franchise really "getting into trouble"? I think the only thing he's actually lacking is real companionship. It's not like he hangs around with his DB friends if he's not adventuring. And guess what, Chi-Chi gives him that. He wouldn't have had a family without her. He wouldn't have become the Goku that everyone knows and loves, he'd just be training all the time. Again, relationships aren't about keeping people out of trouble or keeping them being nice to other people. That's what friends are for. Look at the couple that inspired the Kama Sutra, Shiva and Parvati. Shiva, god of war, is the ascetic hermit that lives by himself that doesn't really give a shit about anything, until mortal Parvati wins him over. With her, he becomes Shiva the Householder. Goku undergoes the same transformation. It's the same transformation that's been happening for generations. It's the same transformation that's been happening in the animal world for generations. Do you really want to argue with biology? With the Kama Sutra? Come on. It's Chi-Chi that improves Goku.
#5. Fanfiction Potential: "when you take all of the elements above, you have ample material to work with, perhaps ever more than Bulma/Vegeta or Goku/Chichi". My response: WTF are you talking about? You're arguing about the merits of a ship based on how much material you would have to work with in the fanfiction world? Are you fucking kidding me?! It's not about you!
#6. Romance Potential: Bulma: "Bulma has shown more feeling toward Goku than any other character. She thinks extremely highly of him, way more higher than even Vegeta. (ex: Trunks Special) She thinks about him, and shows large emotion. Heck, she's even had crushes on him from time to time. To put it short, Goku is Bulma's hero. And I think it shows." Yes, okay, I acknowledge this one. It's obvious from her comment on Namek about her fucking up when she chose Yamcha instead of pursuing Goku that Bulma has serious Monday Morning Quarterback issues with Goku. But guess what, Bulma? It's too late! He's moved on! You will note that there is no "#7. Romance Potential: Goku". Because Goku doesn't see her that way. He immediately clicks with Chi-Chi, even as a kid, in a distinctly romantic manner. When Bulma's daydreaming about how muscled he's become during the Freeza Saga, he's freaking out because he knows that if Freeza wins, Gohan and Chi-Chi are dead (see the episode "Embodiment of Fire"... don't even argue with me on this one). He has a new life and priorities that don't involve her. Harsh? Maybe. But it's the truth.
Oh, wait, there is a #7: "I think they look good together. And that's my two cents." My response: Akira Toriyama clearly disagreed. It's plaintively obvious that he planned for Goku and Chi-Chi to be together since that seventh episode of DB.
Here's my closing song lyrics.
"Stupid MF" by Mindless Self Indulgence:
"Is it simple enough for you? Does everybody understand? Are you all still following me?
Should I talk slower like you're a retard?
Should I talk slower like you're retarded?
Yo' they think you're dumb. I think you're smart. No, wait, I lied. I think you're dumb.
Get it-Get it-Get it-
You just don't get it.
Get it-Get it-Get it-
You stupid mother fucker.
You stupid mother fucker.
You stupid mother fuc-
ker-
You stupid mother fucker.
You stupid mother fucker.
You stupid mother fuc-
It's under your nose.
It's over your head.
It's out of your reach."
Bow to the canon. That's all I have to say.
There happens to be this crazy web site out there of this crazy person who has actually published an entire page on why DBZ's Goku and Bulma should be together. Disregarding their minimal grasp on the English language, this individual is obviously completely fucked in the head. Here are her arguments, and my rebuttals.
#1. Yin and Yang: "Their personalities complement ench other perfectly, and provide the level of friction nessesary to keep a relationship active and interesting". Okay. This idea of "opposites attract", first of all, is complete b.s. I most definitely do not like guys that are dumbass motherfuckers, and they sure as hell don't like me. I'll never marry a conservative. Polar opposites do not a relationship make. Also, a relationship is not about "keeping things interesting". A relationship is a partnership, and marital harmony does not equal yin and yang. Dude, even Chinese horoscopes say this - I always get warned on those dumb little zodiac papers they hand out at restaurants to watch out for roosters, because they're my opposite. Why are you insisting on a couple simply because the pairing would amuse you anyway?
#2. Adventuring Spirit: "Neither of them are content just to sit around and count their wrinkles. Both Goku and Bulma are always going off on journeys together, searching for Dragon Balls or whatever. Now, there is no better way to build a interesting relationship than to journey together. It promises new sights, new people, and new situations to share."
* so they're both irresponsible? what happens when the children come along?
* Bulma doesn't like to adventure in DBZ. She fuckin' whines the entire time she's on Namek.
* Vegeta sits around and counts his wrinkles? Ha ha ha ha...
#3. Teamwork: "Both of them have abilities that perfectly compliment ench other. Bulma has all the technical know-how to pop a gadget to get them out of a jam. And Goku has the martial-arts skill to obliterate any opposition that stands in their way. Brains and Brawn, the perfect combination."
* Bulma fucking gives up these gadgets without a fight in Lord Slug, because she's so weak.
* If you want to see teamwork, watch the ending episodes of the Piccolo Jr. saga, when Goku and Chi-Chi are off trying to get the bansho fan. They're equally competent at kicking ass and Chi-Chi has the wherewithal to make fun of Emperor Pilaf as well as collect the random pieces that are finally needed to solve the problem. Sorry, but Bulma's just not as competent as Goku, and Chi-Chi is.
#4. Yin and Yang Revisited: "Like all people, Goku and Bulma have bad traits as well as good. However, in the long run, these traits will end up cancelling each other out. Bulma has the common sence to keep Goku from doing anything rediculously stupid and getting into trouble. And Goku has the good will to subdue Bulma's selfish side and keep her helping others." Okay, again with this yin yang bullshit. I'm going to skip addressing all of that crap and just go straight for what I think the person's trying to imply: they improve each other. Is Goku's "flaw" in the franchise really "getting into trouble"? I think the only thing he's actually lacking is real companionship. It's not like he hangs around with his DB friends if he's not adventuring. And guess what, Chi-Chi gives him that. He wouldn't have had a family without her. He wouldn't have become the Goku that everyone knows and loves, he'd just be training all the time. Again, relationships aren't about keeping people out of trouble or keeping them being nice to other people. That's what friends are for. Look at the couple that inspired the Kama Sutra, Shiva and Parvati. Shiva, god of war, is the ascetic hermit that lives by himself that doesn't really give a shit about anything, until mortal Parvati wins him over. With her, he becomes Shiva the Householder. Goku undergoes the same transformation. It's the same transformation that's been happening for generations. It's the same transformation that's been happening in the animal world for generations. Do you really want to argue with biology? With the Kama Sutra? Come on. It's Chi-Chi that improves Goku.
#5. Fanfiction Potential: "when you take all of the elements above, you have ample material to work with, perhaps ever more than Bulma/Vegeta or Goku/Chichi". My response: WTF are you talking about? You're arguing about the merits of a ship based on how much material you would have to work with in the fanfiction world? Are you fucking kidding me?! It's not about you!
#6. Romance Potential: Bulma: "Bulma has shown more feeling toward Goku than any other character. She thinks extremely highly of him, way more higher than even Vegeta. (ex: Trunks Special) She thinks about him, and shows large emotion. Heck, she's even had crushes on him from time to time. To put it short, Goku is Bulma's hero. And I think it shows." Yes, okay, I acknowledge this one. It's obvious from her comment on Namek about her fucking up when she chose Yamcha instead of pursuing Goku that Bulma has serious Monday Morning Quarterback issues with Goku. But guess what, Bulma? It's too late! He's moved on! You will note that there is no "#7. Romance Potential: Goku". Because Goku doesn't see her that way. He immediately clicks with Chi-Chi, even as a kid, in a distinctly romantic manner. When Bulma's daydreaming about how muscled he's become during the Freeza Saga, he's freaking out because he knows that if Freeza wins, Gohan and Chi-Chi are dead (see the episode "Embodiment of Fire"... don't even argue with me on this one). He has a new life and priorities that don't involve her. Harsh? Maybe. But it's the truth.
Oh, wait, there is a #7: "I think they look good together. And that's my two cents." My response: Akira Toriyama clearly disagreed. It's plaintively obvious that he planned for Goku and Chi-Chi to be together since that seventh episode of DB.
Here's my closing song lyrics.
"Stupid MF" by Mindless Self Indulgence:
"Is it simple enough for you? Does everybody understand? Are you all still following me?
Should I talk slower like you're a retard?
Should I talk slower like you're retarded?
Yo' they think you're dumb. I think you're smart. No, wait, I lied. I think you're dumb.
Get it-Get it-Get it-
You just don't get it.
Get it-Get it-Get it-
You stupid mother fucker.
You stupid mother fucker.
You stupid mother fuc-
ker-
You stupid mother fucker.
You stupid mother fucker.
You stupid mother fuc-
It's under your nose.
It's over your head.
It's out of your reach."
Bow to the canon. That's all I have to say.